52 Ostensibly Terrible Date Ideas I Haven't Yet Road-Tested with my New Girlfriend
But I guess I'll never know if they work until I try them all out?
2. Literally watch paint dry3. Steal the Declaration of Independence4. Go busking together with kazoos5. Have the chef from our local aged care home cook our next romantic candle-lit dinner6. Have children together and then adamantly refuse to vaccinate them7. Read her the entirety of James Joyce' Ulysses out loud8. Animate a feature length children's film together9. Buy a house in a racially diverse neighbourhood in the hopes of slowly gentrifying it and leaching it of all of its character10. Hitch-hike through Syria11. Take pictures of chemtrails12. Watch all of the newer seasons of The Simpsons13. Fall over in front of all of the frail old people we happen to see on the street, and then point and laugh at them after we get back up again without having broken any bones14. Organise a specific time and date to go out for a night on the town, and then have my creepy uncle go in my place15. Stick a fork in the toaster just to see what happens16. Become anarcho-capitalists17. Gift her all of the moldy cups I haven't yet bothered to clear from my bedroom18. Disappoint her in front of her parents19. Disappoint her in front of her cool friends20. Take her to a Nando's and then make her pay for it21. Tattoo our faces on each other's arse cheeks22. Join a cult23. Eat at the dodgiest restaurant we can find and then see who gets food poisoning first24. Go to the Lay's factory to see how chips are made25. Listen to Leonard Cohen in her darkened living room, while drinking cask wine and eating Chinese take away26. Search "Shane MacGowan's teeth" on Google Images and print off our favourite photos to paste on the wall27. Cry together28. Start a riot at a Guns 'N' Roses concert29. Stalk a B-grade celebrity30. Invite her over to my place and then ignore her while I pet my dogs31. Break all of her mugs32. Translate The Qur'an into Welsh33. Take her on a romantic walk through the park, but then we get lost and have to outrun a pack of very hungry wolves34. Attend a sitting of parliament35. Challenge her to a duel36. Show her my collection of subscription-only Horrible Histories magazines that I've owned since I was 1237. Go to the cemetery in search of all the dead baby graves38. Yell 'BOMB' at strangers at the airport for 6 hours39. Organise a real time re-enactment of the Cuban Missile Crisis40. Watch Spongebob and eat chicken nuggets41. Beg her to complete my latest university assignment 30 minutes before I'm supposed to turn it in42. Set off fireworks in a shopping centre43. Verse her in Super Smash Bros. and then get really mad when she kicks my arse44. Listen to Abbey Road backwards45. Run an extremely successful brothel and become insanely rich46. Steal sweets from small children on Halloween47. Assassinate a military dictator48. Call up Microsoft technical support and ask whoever answers deeply philosophical questions about the nature of human existence49. Call up Microsoft technical support and then echo everything they say straight back at them word for word50. Call up Microsoft technical support and then scream into the receiver51. Take her to an Alcoholic's Anonymous meeting52. Sneak into Area 51 and release all the alien prisoners
About the Creator
Kieran Atkins
Kieran Atkins is a 19 year old Arts student and novice writer from Melbourne, Australia. He has a keen interest in sociology, philosophy and British comedy. He also plays Dungeons and Dragons in his spare time, because he has no life.
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