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5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Seek Revenge on Your Ex-Boyfriend

Why getting him back may not help you in the long run.

By Beth GibbonsPublished 6 years ago 4 min read

Heartbreak is a bitch. We have all had our hearts broken. Have you ever had your heart broken in a way that makes you so angry, all you can think about is seeking revenge on your ex-boyfriend? Maybe he cheated on you, and that single friend of his, whom you only met a few times, was looking extremely cute the last time you saw him at a party, and you are thinking about giving him a call? Maybe your ex broke up with you in a cruel way, so you feel the need to blast all his secrets all over your Facebook or Twitter, or whatever social media account you have the most of his friends and family on.

However, is it truly a good idea to seek revenge or could it be counter-productive to moving on and getting some real closure?

So before you pick up that phone and call you ex's friend, read this and find out why seeking revenge is the worst thing you could do after a break-up.

Rage fuels rage.

If you want to get revenge, my guess is that you are feeling angry and you feel as though getting revenge will ultimately help to subside that rage. However, it has been proven that acting out your rage actually helps make it worse. The more you give into your rage and act out in an angry way, the more anger you will end up feeling.

It is not good for your health.

It is never good to harbor anger. Never. If you are seeking revenge, you are making it so that your energy is very negative. You are most likely angry a lot of the time, you are lashing out essentially because something bad happened to you or someone hurt you. This can increase stress levels, which can increase your heart rate and cause you issues with your heart, blood pressure, and even cholesterol. Living like this is not good physically or emotionally. Being angry all the time can essentially make you lose your mind. It is better to let it go and not harbor all that anger and even more rage during the act of seeking revenge.

It will make the pain last longer.

If you get revenge, you are basically prolonging the issue. If that boy broke your heart, and all you do is concentrate on how to get him back for what he did to you, you are making the heartache last longer. Instead of moving on, you will be concentrating on him. Instead of trying to heal, you will be concentrating on the anger and hurt that fuels your need for revenge. Instead of healing, you will be stuck in neutral. Or even worse, you will end up hurting yourself further.

What if getting revenge does not even get a reaction from him? What if you actually don't mean that much to him anymore because, unlike you, he has decided to completely move on? Will you feel better or worse after seeking this revenge?

It does not provide closure.

Kevin Carlsmith, Ph.D., is a social psychologist at Colgate University in Hamilton, N.Y. He published a study on seeking revenge in the May 2008 Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 95, No. 6). He says, "Rather than providing closure, it does the opposite: It keeps the wound open and fresh." When we get revenge, we can no longer trivialize the situation. This means that we cannot analyze it properly afterward or think to ourselves "this isn't a big deal" because we are actually turning it into an even bigger deal.

If you have children with him, the children ultimately pay the price.

If this ex-boyfriend of yours also happens to be your child's father, any revenge you seek will ultimately make your relationship worse. Especially if that revenge involves keeping your child(ren) from him. Please refrain from thinking of doing this. Even if that's not what you had in mind, remember that as you child(ren)'s father, he will be in your life forever. You do not want to do anything to further ruin any relationship you have. It would be nice to eventually be friends; however, seeking revenge could make that goal impossible. It is best to never seek revenge on a man you have children with.

Maybe now you have put the phone down for good and you won't be calling your ex's best friend. However, you are still feeling very angry and really want to get revenge!

In order to calm down, go do something special for yourself and remember to tell yourself that you would much rather move on in life than seek revenge. Remind yourself that your health is more important to you than feeling good for a few moments after seeking revenge on him. Tell yourself that you want to move on and see what's out there. Just stay away from his friends! Unless he doesn't mind, that is.


About the Creator

Beth Gibbons

Journalist, poet, mom, wife!

Follow me on IG: @queenbgibbons

Follow me on Twitter: @queenbgibbons01

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