5 All Too Revealing Signs You’re Getting Old

One Sunday morning, I was sitting outside of Church with my grandfather-in-law. As we watched my teenagers make their way out of the building, the conversation moved to how big they had gotten.

I turned to him and mentioned how fast things go.

He grinned and said something I’ll never forget, “It felt like it took forever to turn eighteen. Once I did, eighty came in the blink of an eye.”

As I make my way from old to older, I’m seeing what he was saying. Things change so quickly, and the signs of aging become more clear every day.

Here are five signs you are getting old.

Going to grab the mail has become a chore

It’s not so much the act of walking to get the mail — not far to walk. The chore comes from the fact that the mail is so dull now, and anytime there is something worth getting (i.e., not junk-mail), it is a bill. There rarely is a check in the mailbox — people always want money and never want to give it back. Most of the mail ends up directly in the garbage. It doesn’t deserve as much as a glance or pit-stop on the kitchen counter or table.

Getting the mail used to be awesome. It was exciting to see your name on the address label, even if it was only underneath “current resident.” Every time it came, you were like Steve Martin in “The Jerk,” running back to the house — almost shouting — that something came for you. When you got home, you meticulously combed through the items, impressed that so many people not only knew your name but knew where you lived.

Technology you once understood has somehow become confusing

My eighteen-year-old daughter rides horses. She’s been riding for over ten years and is progressing into tournaments.

Not too far into the distant past, I accompanied her to one of her training lessons and offered to take a video of her riding. She likes to watch them after getting a third-person view of how things went. Before she started, I pulled out my iPhone and hit the button to take the video. When she finished her ride, I hit the button again. I smiled at her and (to a lesser degree) my awesomeness.

I then looked at my phone in horror, noticing that the word photo was directly above the supposed video button. I’d taken two pictures instead of one video. I couldn’t believe it — but she could. It seems — at least in her mind — I had become prone to those types of mistakes.

When did things get so confusing? Technology used to be my jam! For a long time, I was the person people went to for questions about electronic stuff, and now I’ve become the person asking the questions.

When someone says sir or ma’am, you assume they’re talking to you

I don’t remember the first time someone younger than me called me “sir,” but I remember wondering why they were. The idea I was old enough for someone to brand me with the mark of adulthood was jarring. My parents were “sir” and “ma’am,” I was not. I didn’t want to physically harm the unwitting young person who dared to call me an old person (at least in my mind they did), but I wanted to tell them to get their act together (again, only in my mind).

Then, at some point, it became expected. I’d gone from hating the sting of the word — being offended for having heard it, to thinking less of the person who didn’t call me “sir.” I’d earned the respect of someone I’d never met (for some unknown reason), and “sir” was their way of showing it to me.

Your once awesome, spot-on references now fly over everyone’s head

If you told me you were going to watch “Doctor Strange 2”, and I replied with “Electric Boogaloo,” would you wonder what the heck I was saying? If you twisted the cap off of the pickle jar and I said, “you’re stronger than Magnus Von Magnusson,” would you grin in agreement but have no idea who that was? Those kinds of references, including the Steve Martin one I wrote above, used to be spot on and timely.

Now they have people looking at me like I’ve been off of my medication.

There is way too much going on in pop culture now to be as witty. Things change every day, and even the references to people still in the news (viable?) are met with disdain. Recently, my work needed a headshot of me for a company email. I sent the person putting together the message with a picture of Brad Pitt. I’m nowhere near Brad Pitt in the anything department, so I thought it’d be funny.

She didn’t know who it was. It’s not funny if you don’t know who Brad Pitt was.

Your hair (yup, that’s it — your hair)

This one may be more specific to some people than others, but at least to me, it belongs here.

When I was young, the rain used to affect me differently than it does now.

Rainfall hitting my head was like bare feet walking along a shag carpet. Each drop was a soft **psssh** on top of my head, staying in place until my hair was too wet to hold the water. One quick wipe of the face later, and everything was back to normal. I’d lift my mouth to the sky and try to catch each raindrop while jumping into puddles. I lived without a care in the world.

The rain was fantastic.

Now, when the rain falls, it hits my head like a bag of marbles being dropped onto a hardwood floor. Each drop immediately goes from my balding (can’t commit to bald just yet) head into my eyes. I hold my hands above my head and rush inside to keep from getting wet. Also, puddles do nothing but get my socks and shoes soaking enough to have to put them in the dryer when I get home.

The rain is still incredible — but way better if I’m watching from the dry safety of indoors.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve gotten to the age that I am leaning into these types of things with a smile on my face. Getting old(er) is a gift I appreciate every day. Even if things continue to get infinitely more confusing and (slightly) more annoying, I plan on enjoying every minute of them while I’m here.