4 Things to Keep in Mind Before Letting Someone You Loved Back in Your Life

I had had enough with all the drama.

I had known Vish since high school. We had quickly become best friends, and with time, our feelings were clear.

But I was done with him. We had moved on to different places for college, and after some time, it seemed like every conversation led to an argument. There was a lot of drama in his life, and it started spilling into mine.

We slowly grew apart. I heard about him occasionally through mutual friends. I would inquire about how he was doing.

For four years, we had no contact.

Until one day, a friend suggested we meet up. I was on vacation back in my hometown, and so was he.

I missed having him in my life.

So I took the first step, hoping I could have my best friend back.

Our contact lasted for a few months before it died down. A lot of things hadn’t changed as I had hoped.

That relationship had to be put to rest.

Before letting someone from the past back into your life, here are a few things to remember:

It’s Okay to Miss Them — This Doesn’t Mean You Need to Reconnect

I think it’s important to realize you can miss something but not want it back — Paulo Coelho

Missing someone who used to be a big part of your life at some point is natural.

It’s common to think about your memories of love or wonder why things had to end the way they did. You may look back at the memories you made with them fondly or think about how they have been during the time you were apart.

Missing someone can be complicated. Sometimes, it comes with a twinge of pain. And that’s okay.

But this should not drive you back to them. There was a reason it ended.

Whether you gradually drifted apart or had a horrible breakup. Things ended between you and them for a reason.

It’s best to keep those memories and move on with your life.

You can miss someone you had a history with, but it is necessary to understand that not all relationships are meant to last forever. Not every person you cross paths with will remain in your life. Some of them come and go for a short time.

Just understand that they were essential to your growth. Keep your memories, let them go, and move on with your life.

Feeling Lonely Is Normal

Ending a relationship is never easy. It involves a myriad of complex emotions.

If you went through a breakup recently or ended a connection, it’s normal to feel lonely. Somebody who was a constant in your life has suddenly left. There is a void. It’s normal to want to fill it.

But feeling lonely should not be a reason that drives you back to a relationship that has run its course.

Feeling lonely is uneasy, and as humans, we want a speedy resolution to any difficult emotions. In moments of loneliness, it’s common to want to reach out to the other person.

Remember that feeling lonely does not mean you are unlovable or not deserving of love. Realize that there is nothing wrong with you. Accept the situation as it is.

Appreciate the sense of detachment and see it as an opportunity to learn new things about yourself.

You Won't Have the Same Relationship Again

When I took the first step, I wanted my best friend back.

The one I knew back in high school. What I failed to understand was that years had passed. We had both changed. We were no longer those teenage kids. And so, it was naïve to think we could pick up from where we left.

There is a difference between missing the person and missing the idea of that person. Sometimes, we are left longing for who they used to be.

You cannot reconnect with someone hoping you could go back to how things were. How things were in the past is the reason you separated.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot go back to the same relationship. People grow, change, and mature continuously. You are changing. And so are they.

So really, even if you reconnect with someone you had a history with, it’s going to be a new relationship in a lot of ways.

The Reason It Didn’t Work Is Still Going to Be There

Vish and I didn’t work for a lot of reasons. There was drama and underhanded blaming. There were many reasons I could give for not wanting him in my life.

But I missed him and wanted to try once again.

While things went well for the first few months, all the things that frustrated me about him started resurfacing.

The reasons for the breakdown of any connection are not going to magically disappear. They are going to remain in most cases. Unless you both actively worked on what caused the disconnect, there’s a high chance it’s going to come back.

Remember those reasons and make a judgment based on that and not just temporary emotions before reconnecting. If they surface again, what would you do?