3 Simple Steps to a Life Worth Living

Preface

Several years ago I was asked by the graduating class to deliver the Baccalaureate address. While it’s an honor to be chosen, it presents a real conundrum: What do you say to young people that they’ll actually hear and put to use?

“Hang on tight” came to mind, and “Check the label.” And, of course, “Broken hearts mend.”

But as the date quickly approached and the pressure mounted, it struck me that these grand, coming-of-age ceremonies and celebrations aren’t for young people at all.

From the moment they are born, we are afraid they will break their little fingers and toes as they learn to crawl, and then we are afraid they will break their arms and legs when they learn to run. Worst of all, we dread the day they break their young hearts as they learn to love because we cannot bear the sound of their pain.

So we have ceremonies to impart fourth-quarter wisdom. Crawl but not too quickly. Run but not away. Love but with caution.

The thing is, young people are in the second quarter of what will be, we hope, a very long game, and they are built for speed and courageous love. We need the fearlessness that is the hallmark of being young.

I found myself quite lost. What was my purpose?

I needed help from a greater mind and all at once, it arrived.

So with the guidance of the great American poet Mary Oliver, this short speech was born and I’m not ashamed to say that even though I wrote it, it never fails to lift me when I feel broken, or pressured, or unloved.

Because we all feel that way sometimes, and wouldn’t it be great to have an instruction manual for getting up when life knocks you down?

Yeah. I got you.

The Speech

I hope I will be forgiven for what I am about to say but while I love words, I don’t usually like poetry without music. It is perhaps that I am too simple-minded. I need to be hit over the head and often poetry simply isn’t direct enough.

That said, as I worked on this address I was moved and, I believe, spiritually directed by an excerpt from the great American poet Mary Oliver’s work Sometimes. In the fourth stanza she gives us a remarkable gift:

Instructions for living a life:

Pay attention.

Be astonished.

Tell about it.

Mary Oliver

See now right off, I’m in as I had no idea there was an instruction manual for living life! Had I known this a long time ago, things might have gone a little differently.

And the older I get, I don’t know. No, literally, I don’t know.

See, in my twenties, I thought I knew everything, and in my thirties, I realized that certainly wasn’t the case but somehow, I still valued the goal. But as life flew by, I became perfectly content to know next to nothing. Nothing but the truth, which is exactly what Mary Oliver gives us.

Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.

Pay Attention

So, what does it mean to pay attention? Scripture tells us:

We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.

Hebrews 2:1

We all know how to pay attention yet our version of paying attention and Mary Oliver’s version are often at odds with one another.

We are barraged in our daily lives with demands for attention. Your professors, your significant others, your parents, brothers, sisters, friends, pets, television shows, sporting events, homework, deciding what to have for dinner, and then breakfast, and then lunch and dinner again.

Dinner is my fave so I said it twice. Deal with it.

But where and when do you begin to draw lines? How do you know what to prioritize?

Simple. Pay attention. Simple yes, but not easy. And it takes practice. Is your heart full when you are with him? Do you feel safe and relaxed when you are with her? Are you balanced? Are you laughing?

Pay attention. Feelings are not facts but they are, I believe, God’s traffic lights. They direct us perfectly and yet we ignore them. Pay attention to your feelings. Sadness, for example, is a part of life and a signpost directing us to feel, to allow, and to be simply human.

Peace and joy are God’s gifts to us and we pay attention when we accept them. Pay attention to the cries of others, the laughter of children, the wind, the trees, the sun, the rush of accomplishment, and the devastation of mistakes. Pay attention to the world around you and the suffering of those in need.

Take the time and pay attention.

Be Astonished

And while we are called to simply pay attention, we must choose to be astonished.

I want to let you in on a secret that used to embarrass me but not any longer. I have in my house several objects that I believe are imbued with magical powers. Two specifically are boxes in which I place dirty things, I push all these strange and mysterious buttons, and soon thereafter, the dirty things are clean. I know not how this happens but I choose to believe it is magic. I choose this because it makes the world a more welcoming, exciting place. I choose to be astonished.

It is a choice, after all, to find the world and all its wonders astonishing. The morning sun on our faces, clean dishes in the dishwasher, fried chicken, anesthesia, antibiotics, a friend’s hand in ours, fried chicken, chocolate, mountains, the way our dog’s fur feels after a bath, fried chicken…

Yeah, I know, I did it again, but I really love fried chicken. Deal with it.

Choose to be astonished and the world is a place of never-ending wonder!

Tell About It

Now, when Mary Oliver says to “tell about it” I am certain she means to share your truth. So often we hide our pain, our suffering, our fears. We hide our joy and even our laughter.

Share your truth! Tell about it.

My truth is that 18 years ago as I lay in a hospital bed and the priest came to give me my last rites, I said no to leaving the fight. And I said no two years later and a year after that. And with God’s help and a slew of angels in the guise of doctors, nurses, friends, therapists, teachers, professors, friends again, I was able to survive to tell about it.

I had been given the gift of immediacy: The knowledge that paying attention, being astonished, and telling about it are what we have.

Tell your story to others because it is in the living, in the sharing that you allow for a community to truly be built around you and there is nothing that will make you happier than being a beloved member of a community.

Pay attention to your better angels and don’t allow your inner demons to shout them down. Be astonished because I promise you, every day there is something that will astonish you. And tell about it, because your story matters, and it is in the living and in the telling that you will find the treasure.

Do these things and you will have left the world with the gift only you can give:

Your life, well-lived.