10 Autistic Traits That Are Frequently Misinterpreted and Misunderstood

As a late-identified autistic person, I know what it’s like to have my everyday, natural traits–-traits that I don’t even consciously think about, scrutinized and reacted to in ways that are strange and sometimes frightening to me.

Below is a list of 10 traits that many (but not all) autistic people have in common that are frequently misinterpreted and misunderstood by neurotypical (non-autistic) people.

1. Breathing Differently

Many autistic people breathe differently from our neurotypical counterparts. Since our neurology is different, and the brain and nervous system regulate breathing, it would stand to reason that even the way autistic people take in oxygen may be different from what is considered to be the norm.

Autistic people are often told we “breathe wrong” because we sigh often, yawn frequently, take shallow breaths, forget to breathe entirely (causing us to gasp for air suddenly), and breathe through our mouths due to chronic upper respiratory problems.

According to a study entitled, The “Connectivome Theory”: A New Model to Understand Autism Spectrum Disorders, autistic individuals have a 5:1 prevalence of allergic rhinitis, which may be a contributing factor in atypical breathing patterns.

2. Forgetfulness

Some autistic people also have ADHD, which can cause difficulty with both working memory and short-term memory. The inability of a neurodivergent person to remember names, important details, faces, facts, figures, etc., can make the neurotypical people around them mistakenly believe that they don’t care about this information.

This is not the case. A person with a poor memory can no more control this than a near-sighted person can see without corrective lenses. It has nothing to do with the person’s morals, empathy, or compassion–it’s simply the way their brain is wired!

3. Poor Sense of Direction

Some autistic individuals have an incredible sense of direction, some don’t. I’m the latter.

I get lost incredibly easily. Before GPS, I got lost almost any time I drove someplace I hadn’t driven many times before. Even if I’m going to a familiar place from a different direction, I cannot find my way without GPS.

People have misinterpreted my need to stay close to home and familiar surroundings as an excuse to avoid them personally.

4. Not Recognizing People

I have face blindness, so I struggle to recognize people out of the context in which I usually see them, and if they change their hair color, grow a beard, or get glasses, they will be complete strangers to me until they speak, and I can recognize their voice.

This trait has been misinterpreted as purposeful avoidance of the person, holding a grudge, being snobby, being rude, etc.

5. Taking Things Literally

Like many autistic people, I take the spoken word at face value. While I’ve learned how to interpret some of the non-verbal communication neurotypical people are fluent in, I still get tripped up by new people and new situations to the point where I still take jokes literally and will follow instructions to the letter, completely missing subtext.

People have misinterpreted my taking things literally as a manipulative pretense at not understanding, as though I’m purposefully being sarcastic or rude.

6. Asking Questions

As an autistic person, my brain takes the small details and creates the whole picture rather than the other way around like most neurotypical people. This is what’s known as “bottom-up” thinking, and it’s common in autistic people.

Therefore, to understand a new concept, idea, instruction, or even a personal story, I have to ask lots of questions and get as many details as possible to build a correct and whole picture in my head and therefore connect with what the other person is saying. Without those details, I’m lost.

I also need to know the ‘why’--the reasoning behind an instruction or an action, or the information won’t form a picture in my head, which will cause me to lose focus, mix up details, or forget what’s just been said to me.

People have misinterpreted my needing to ask lots of questions as challenging authority, showing someone up, trying to get out of doing something, and purposefully trying to make others look dumb.

7. Needing Detailed Explanations

Needing detailed explanations goes hand-in-hand with my needing to ask questions and get as many details as possible in order to understand what’s expected of me or what someone is trying to convey. It’s not just asking questions, but needing everything broken down into individualized pieces, so my brain can build the whole picture that has also been misinterpreted.

While my intention is simply to understand, others have taken my need for details to mean that I am questioning their authority or expertise or I’m trying to make them look bad.

8. Avoiding Social Situations

When your brain is wired quite differently from the people around you, socializing can be more draining than fun. This is why many autistic people prefer to be alone to pursue our own interests or in the company of one other person who fully understands and respects our neurodiversity.

As you can see from reading this article, chronic miscommunication is very common in inter-neurotype social interactions, and it can be frustrating, tiring, and downright traumatizing for us.

The majority of autistic people who avoid socializing do so as a matter of self-preservation, but it is still often misinterpreted as rudeness, being “above it all”, not caring, lacking interest in others, etc.

9. Sharing Similar Experiences During Serious Conversations

Autistic people show empathy differently from neurotypical people, and this often comes in the form of relating through sharing similar experiences. For example, you may tell your autistic friend about losing your dog and how heartbreaking the experience has been for you, and she will chime in with a story of how she lost her beloved cat a few years back and how traumatic that was for her.

This is how many neurodivergent people relate to each other, by sharing similar stories and showing that we do, in fact, intimately relate to the pain and hardship the other person is currently experiencing.

Unfortunately, neurotypical people often misinterpret this as the autistic person trying to “make it about them”. It’s seen as selfish and uncaring when the intention is the exact opposite.

For many of us, sharing our similar experiences is a love language, a deep and vulnerable way to connect.

10. Needing to Do Household Chores Alone

I need to cook and clean alone because I have to concentrate deeply on anything that requires a combination of my fine and gross motor skills. If I don’t manually control each movement of my body, I’ll crash into objects, drop things, cut myself, burn myself, and forget what I’m doing altogether.

While it seems neurotypical people can do household chores on autopilot once they get the hang of them, my autistic/ADHD brain doesn’t allow for that. I have to focus and concentrate on each individual detail, and I use up a lot of energy in the process. Carrying on a conversation or even delegating tasks is nearly impossible once I’ve gotten started without me tripping over my words, making mistakes, anxiously snapping at others, or simply going non-verbal.

Needing to be alone to do these things has been misinterpreted as rudeness, sneakiness, and being a snob.

The Takeaway

Autistic people are wired differently from neurotypical people, and because of that, our traits are often misinterpreted and misunderstood. This causes many of us to develop complex post-traumatic stress because we don’t know what others are reacting to and/or how to defend against those reactions.

Oftentimes, we don’t feel safe to be our authentic selves while out and about, so we mask our traits, but doing this comes at a heavy price to our mental and physical health–and the mask eventually slips. We almost always crack under the pressure of trying to fit our square-peg selves into the round holes carved out by society.

The more you understand the autistic brain and the true intentions and motivations behind your autistic loved one’s behavior, the more authentic and connected your communication will be.

Let me help you better understand and communicate with your autistic loved one. Click here to book your personalized translation session!