Pope Officially Sanctions Nagualism

Pope Francis, head of the Catholic Church since 2013 announced today that henceforth Nagualism shall be accepted as "fully compatible with catholic faith and dogma." Nagualism is a widely held belief system among many Mesoamericans and centers on the nagual, guardian spirits which reside in animals, such as deer, jaguar, or birds.

The person who is to receive his nagual traditionally goes to an isolated spot and sleeps there; the animal that appears in his dreams or that confronts him when he awakens will thereafter be his particular nagual. Among many modern Mesoamerican Indians, it is believed that the first creature to cross over the ashes spread before a newborn baby becomes that child’s nagual. The belief in nagualism varies from region to region. In some areas it is believed that only the most powerful leaders (usually men) possess naguals. In others, all or most people have personal animal guardian spirits. In some areas the nagual is the animal into which certain powerful men can transform themselves to do evil; thus, the word derives from the Nahuatl word nahualli (“disguise”), applied to the animal forms magically assumed by sorcerers.

In a prepared statement Pope Francis said "The fact of the matter is, the Catholic church needs headcount. We need butts in the seats, and the Mesoamerican peoples are willing and able to be those butts. While it is true that belief in animal spirits is not mentioned in the Bible as such, it is not, not mentioned either. And, Jesus was a well known animal lover. He was a shepherd after all. We can't forget about my own namesake St. Francis either. He absolutely loved animals, and they loved him, or so they say. Of course we do not condone the use of nagual for the doing of evil and thus officially shun the use of the term nahualli or disguise and specifically ban the practice of sorcery among any and all practicing Catholics, no matter what region of the world they may be from." With that the Pope bowed, doft his giant pointy hat, turned and slowly walked away.

THE END

And now another <600 word count minimum story word count pad story brought to you by the good people at Vocal.media. Vocal dot media, come for the 600+ word count articles, stay for the stories featuring the rare bird the Maccaw. Vocal dot media, the place for Maccaw lovers the world over.

Club Drug User Bemoans Abundance of Street Drug Users at Area Rave - Cites Fear for Personal Safety as Main Concern

Moments before slipping into a deep and blissful 4 hour k-hole, the result of his recent consumption of a large quantity of the club drug ketamine, still agitated but rapidly chilling local club drug user Ted Stephens complained loudly about the abundance of street drug users crowding the scene at an area rave yesterday. “These damn druggies are everywhere. It’s getting so a guy can’t walk five feet without bumping into some wild eyed meth head trying to talk your ear off about some dumb shit that makes no sense.” he said, his eyelids slowly closing as he spoke. “I mean I like coke as much as the next guy, but crack is whack bro, and the less said about dope (heroin) the better.” said Mr. Stephens, the last word coming out badly slurred before he fell to the ground with a look of profound transcendence, and copious amounts of drool, on his face.

THE END

Six hundred and two words. I am the man...