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Why Do We Find It So Difficult to Talk About the Important Things in Life?

Bringing the hard discussions to reap the rewards.

By Amelie Peyton CashPublished 7 years ago 4 min read

After being contacted this morning by a fellow Twitter warrior; I felt it necessary to write this piece. He like myself has a "cause", his being that person who brings awareness to Herpes and the fact that it is so widespread and somewhat common these days, but no one wants to talk about it. Of course, he was feeling discouraged and perhaps knew intuitively that I might be someone he could share his angst with. He was right.

I am that person. For whatever reason, I have been one of those people that wish to bring difficult topics to the forefront. Why? You may ask....I discovered several years ago, that although these topics may be difficult to face; once you share your experiences with others, you will find common ground. We discover together that we humans are more alike than different. In addition to writing, I am an artist and also an intuitive card reader. Other people come to me for nontraditional insight and advice regularly. This is one of the reasons that I find these conversations come naturally to me. My personal reward is incredible when I can help someone in this way.

A few years ago at the age of fifty-three, I became the victim/survivor of a home invasion/sexual assault. After months of isolating, learning about second assault and PTSD, and painting my way through it (I am also an artist); I started talking about it. The amazing thing I encountered whenever I shared my experience with another, was that almost in every instance, they had either been through something similar or knew someone who had. The realization of this was powerful. In one way it was great to know that I was not alone in this. The sad thing I also had to embrace was the fact that it was so common, yet as a society or culture this topic, along with so many other uncomfortable topics, was to be relegated to the stack of situations not to be discussed. As I continued my education around the topic of sexual violence, I became a volunteer advocate myself, so that I would be better equipped to speak about it. I made a video, I spoke at National Crime Victim's Week gatherings and I attempted to make an interactive gallery show with the paintings that I had done during my initial six months of isolation and healing.

Certainly, my efforts were not lost on others. However, two years later, I have still not found that magic key to unlock the success of it. Despite my ease in sharing and discussing it; there is a wall so difficult to break through. Several times over this past year, I have gone back and forth with myself about completely giving up on it. I still can't bring myself to give up on it, because if I do then I become just one more person who is not bringing the conversation to another who may need someone like me to do it. One of the even bigger discoveries for me was that it's not just rape or sexual violence that others don't want to talk about. The reality of it is that what we are really avoiding is any topic(s) that are centered around shame and/or failure. Subjects that also fall into this gigantic category are divorce, bankruptcy, and illness. This is a real shame. When we ignore unpleasant emotions; they just work on us in more negative ways, and usually come out in uglier ways, somewhere down the line. The possibility for healing our wounds is lost.

I have now, in addition, turned my attention to another topic which seems to be gaining some momentum. I am thrilled to see that there are now many groups dedicated to bringing sex work out of the dark and into the norm. For three years, I was a sex worker. Unlike the stereotype of how women end up in "the business", as I call it; my participation did not come from desperate circumstances. I was a married, mature woman who was in a very sexual relationship within that marriage that included swinging and was centered around sex in general. I do not regret anything about the experience that I had. It was enjoyable, and I felt like I was born to do it! My confidence and self-esteem were honed to perfection. Some great friendships/relationships were developed around it. Now that this part of my life has ended, I realize that many women who judge someone like myself could use an eye-opening, informative view from my side of it.

I learned so much about what we are all looking for when we seek sex outside of our significant relationships. My opinion and experience was that many men who came to me were looking for intimacy as much or perhaps more than sex. Sex is the vehicle, but it's not all about the sex. I encourage all people in general to set any judgment(s) they have aside; in order to really listen, learn and share. These judgment(s), usually religiously or moral based, serve only to separate us. We are much better served to find ways to bring ourselves together and discover that we are all so much more alike than different. More importantly, we can learn valuable lessons and insights if we share them with each other. Wouldn't that be really nice....

This is my true life story of discovering the patterns that started early in my childhood, that explained my choices in men and the lessons that I learned along the way in the search for love. I hope to help other women by calling upon them to lose the judgement and to see through my eyes, in order to change the practice of NSA in the sexual culture of today. It can only hurt women, and women's value collectively.

advicehumanityrelationshipssexual wellnesstaboo

About the Creator

Amelie Peyton Cash

Author “GIVING IT AWAY” Exploding the Fallacy of NSA Her story includes insights gained from her time spent as a courtesan Her experience provides amazing insight that can encourage all women to see through her eyes.

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