Why Do 90% Of Men Fail To Eat Pussy?

Stop. Let this be the one thing you remember from this article.

Because you're a sorry ass pussy eater, you might as well eat your supper with your mouth if you eat pussy with only your tongue!

That's what I meant. I feel better now that I've addressed the fact that performing the bare minimum is the same as having no limbs on a hooker.

Wait. Before I begin, I'd like to clarify something. I'm well aware that you fuckers have a limited attention span.

1. Be aware of your kitchenware

Let me be completely honest with you. Frank as Frankenstein is a fictional character. Frank, that's pretty fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fuck You're already failing if you're just eating her pussy with your lips. So your girlfriend doesn't leave you, let's go over the body parts that can be included.

• Your nose

Yep. You should boop your pet's nose in the same way that idiots boop their pets' noses in those charming movies. Use your nose to touch her clit if you're shoving your tongue in her. It's referred to as "creativity." If you want to make it more fascinating, add some comedy by softly touching her clit with your nose and saying, "Boop!"

• Those fucking HANDS of yours!

I swear on everything I love; no matter how amazing your food is, pussy, if you don't eat with your hands, you suck. This isn't a pie-eating contest with your hands behind your back; this is a finger-licking wonderful, relish that motherfucking dinner situation.

You must spread her pussy with your hands, feel her thighs, belly, and tits, and explore her body.

Make her sample things for herself, be inventive. You must realize that ladies appreciate being lured from the head down. Don't just keep your hands on her thighs, don't only touch her pussy.

• You're a jerk!

Yep! Make use of your dick! Simply take a break from sucking her and stroke her clit with the tip of your penis. Spit on your dick and smear it all over her body, her face, and do something out of the ordinary.

2. Shake it up, rattle it around, and roll it around

You're doing something wrong if she isn't trembling, rattling, or moving her body about. I'm not making this up. Don't be fooled by all the whining and leg stretching.

When you're doing a fantastic job, she'll appear to be possessed by a fucking devil. My spouse has to keep me in check. I'll climax at least five times while his face is between my legs.

Why? He's not attempting to persuade me to come; instead, he's attempting to heat me up to the point of exploding. Too many men are only interested in her clit; they are only interested in her pussy and completely ignore the rest of her body.

Forget what you see in porn, and forget about that intoxicated blonde you met at a pub.

Read Cosmopolitan magazine if you want to learn how to impress a lady. I know, it seems absurd, but my boyfriend has read that magazine his whole life, and we have sex every night, even though we've been together for 10 years and have a kid.

I'll give you 1000 fucking dollars if you show me another couple with a baby and a ten-year relationship that makes each other come every single night.

Do you want to know how my spouse gets me to climax so rapidly when I'm speaking?

It's because he's a slow walker. He doesn't simply grab my tits and strip me naked; he teases me. He plays with me outside of my clothes, forcing me to touch him as he touches me, and then we eventually go nude after 45 minutes of extreme suspense. But wait, there's more!

He kisses and caresses my body for another 15 to 20 minutes before his lips ever touch my pussy. And when he does, he softly kisses, blows, and rubs his face on my pussy.

Anything he can do to make me beg him to touch me with his tongue. That's how it's done.

3. The fucking technique!

Gentlemen, pay attention. I'm not sure who needs to hear this, but vigorous clit sucking, pointed tongue licking, and anything else that's overtly aggressive has its time and place.

Attacking her pussy like you're starving isn't the ideal strategy if your partner isn't turned on.

Imagine a female yanking your trousers down and licking your dick as though you owed her money.

Maybe it makes you feel good?

Imagine how nice it would feel if she slowly pulled your trousers down, kissed up to your shaft, softly licked your balls, gently licked up your cock, and waited until you were completely insane before you felt the warmth of her tongue.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say? The fucking build-up is very necessary.

Climax

Believe me when I say that the longer the teasing, the more gratifying it is. Ladies, back me up in the comments. Let me repeat that. The longer the tease, the better! The more fucking appealing, the better!

All you have to do is turn her on. You don't have to be the greatest at licking pussy; you don't have to know how to spell the alphabet; you don't have to do strange clit tricks; all you have to do is turn her on. And the most effective approach to getting her on is to make her want it, crave it more than she can conceive.

Take your time fucking. Stop focusing on the noticeable features of her physique and start looking at her whole body.

You want her to be begging you to taste her, wriggling about like a fish out of water, trying to suck your fucking mouth into her pussy.

And as soon as she starts wriggling and pleading, you make her wait even longer.

People don't seem to realize how damaging it is to their sexual life.

Focusing on closeness rather than sex is the only way to keep your intimacy fresh.

Sure, it might be tiresome at times. Sometimes I just want to get fucked, but there's no foreplay, so I don't get climaxed.

Take your time, fucking.