Ways to Cuddle

In the course of a day, we are bombarded by fleeting bodily contacts with strangers and associates. It is no surprise that these random contacts can be highly stimulating. Society has developed a fairly permissive standard for looking, but touching is prohibited. Zoologist Desmond Morris made note of this in The Naked Ape: "Body-to-body contacts have… become such an important part of sexual behavior that these too have to be damped down during the ordinary daily routine. A ban has to be placed on physical contact with strangers in our busy, crowded communities."

The fact that random contacts still occur attests to our need to touch and be touched. But the main avenue of sustained contact is sex. And while sex does reduce the visual overstimulation built up during a busy day, I don't believe it does a complete job. Much of our sexual activity is directed toward reaching a climax—and such bodily contact is merely a means to that end.

But to know your lover fully, you must know his or her entire body. And though everyone is aware of the primary touching methods of sexual stimulation, there are other, more subtle, touches that do not lead directly to arousal. Exploring your lover's body through touching is called cuddling.

Morris has described man as a naked ape. Among all the primates, we alone lack a thick coat of fur. Our flesh is covered with countless numbers of tactile nerve endings, all excitable by the soft touch of another person's skin. Cuddling should not be reserved for infants, because these nerve endings do not become numb as the child grows to adulthood. Adult cuddling can bring relaxation, heightened sensitivity, and profound sexual communication.

The Sensuous Art of Cuddling

I have devised a technique for bodily intimacy and contact that I call the "sensuous art of cuddling." It is a series of comfortable, relaxed positions that a nude couple can practice in bed. Each position is a different way of holding your lover so that, when the cycle is completed, most of the body has been stroked and caressed.

From my own and my partners' experience, I can say that cuddling is exquisitely beautiful. Everyone I know who has practiced it regularly has developed a "cuddling drive." And, yes, cuddling fits in perfectly with sex. Before sex, it will stimulate—slowly. After sex, it provides a blissful relaxation that leads easily to peaceful sleep. Even without sex, cuddling can be an expression of total union with someone you love.

Cuddling is also effective in easing the uptightness in our daily life. When every inch of the body is pressed gently against the soothing flesh of one's lover, the tension melts away—almost as if it had been absorbed through the lover's skin. Unlike sex, which is governed by natural rhythms, there is no beginning or end in cuddling—engage in it until your body is loose, limp and relaxed.

Intimate Embrace

This is the most sexually stimulating position and is particularly useful in foreplay. Both partners lie side by side, facing each other. The man should place his left arm underneath his lover's neck. Rest the arm at the gap between the end of the pillow and the beginning of her shoulder—it will reduce cramping. In this position, your bodies will be touching: face, chest, thighs, genitals, and feet—depending on the difference in your body length.

The woman will find it most comfortable to keep her right arm at her side. She can hug you with her left arm and you can hug her with your right. You will undoubtedly feel a mild sensation pass between your bodies, especially at the point where the genital areas touch. Because of this, the position cannot be enthusiastically recommended for relaxation.

As you hold your lover close, you will experience an urge to rub against each other and to press various parts of your body together. Especially gratifying is to rub your nose against the warm flesh of the woman's facial cheeks and her neck and shoulders. You can hold her even more intimately by curling your right leg over her hips and left leg. She will find it soothing to snuggle against your chest, particularly if you happen to be big-chested. This face-to-face posture is also conducive to kissing and light nibbling.

An interesting variation on the Intimate Embrace is for the man to lie directly on his back while the woman faces him on her right side. His left arm will still be under her neck, but now it will be easier for her to rest her head on his chest. In this variation, the woman can be far more active than the man.

While he relaxes on his back, she can curl her left thigh across his body and hold him close with her left arm. The entire front of his body will be available for her strokes and caresses.

Loosely Tethered

This position is essentially the reverse of the variation on the Intimate Embrace. Here the woman lies on her back while the man, resting on his left side, snuggles against her right side with his left arm under her neck. Because the partners are not face-to-face (or genital-to-genital), this position is less sexually stimulating, though more relaxing, than the Intimate Embrace.

In this attitude, the man will be able to explore all of his lover's upper body with his right hand. I find it delectable to extend my right arm until it rests snugly against the underside of the woman's breasts. You can also use your hand for gently stroking the velvety surface of her abdominal region. The abdomen is one of the most tender regions of the human anatomy.

An enchanting sensation can be had by extending your right leg until it lies upon your lover's stomach. This must be done gently, without too much weight and pressure, because it is a very delicate spot. But the reward is worth the care taken. The underside of your thigh is very sensitive; you will be turned on by the touch of your lover's yielding tummy. The right thigh can also be nudged against her hips and thighs. For a highly erotic sensation, rest it between her legs, where it will be engulfed by the soft insides of her own thighs.

This position also allows you to sniff your lover's hair, face, neck, and shoulders. As in the Intimate Embrace, you may want to kiss or nibble lightly at these areas.

Big Spoon

The woman lies on her left side with her back toward her lover. He also lies on his left side, immediately behind her; his left arm supports her neck. This situation tends to be one of the most relaxing. Both partners experience quite different, yet equally delicious, sensations. The woman will delight in the security provided by the warmth of the man cuddled around her back. He will discover that the softness of her hair, buttocks, and backs of her thighs can absorb the excess tension in his person.

The Big Spoon is my favorite. The contours of the woman's back provide soothing resting places. If your lover possesses long silky hair, it will lie lightly across her neck, shoulders, and down her back. It is enchanting to feel it on your face, chest, and shoulders, and I especially enjoy burying my nose in my lover's hair. After doing that for awhile, I often lift her hair to expose the nape of her neck, shoulders and upper back.

These lovely areas invite sniffing, kissing, and playful biting. From there you might direct your attentions to another highly erotic zone, her ear lobes.

A convenient method for holding your partner securely is to drape your right arm over the front of her body and place it between her breasts. By itself, the experience of having your arm engulfed by her fleshy globes is quite pleasurable for both of you and it also makes it easy to snuggle. You will be hugging her closely with both arms—your left underneath her and your right around her front.

In this position, the complementary curvatures of your front and her back allow a maximum of intimate contact. Where the small of her back slopes inward, your midsection moves out to meet it. Where her buttocks curve outward, your lower hips are straight and flat—a snug fit. I consider the contact made with the woman's bottom to be the most thrilling aspect of this pose. It's lovely to have your hips and genital region against her soft, fleshy buttocks.

Once you have achieved a maximum of contact in this position, it's good to just rest. Your body will become increasingly limp—provided, of course, that your sexual needs have been met. The Big Spoon can be conducive to drifting off to deep sleep. Remove your left arm from under her neck to avoid cramping while you doze.

Little Spoon

Essentially this is the reverse of the Big Spoon. Both partners lie on their right sides, with the man's back turned to the woman's front. As in the Big Spoon, the woman can drape her left arm over the front of her man for added support.

The Little Spoon offers some delicious and unusual treats. The back is perhaps the most neglected erotic area of the anatomy. This is especially true for men who, aside from occasional massages, rarely take advantage of the back's sensuous possibilities. Your woman should first focus on the nape of your neck. To do this she may have to move up until she is snug against the top of your back. She can then rub her nose up and down the yielding skin of your neck, sniffing lightly all the while. Both of you will find this charming—the sensitive tactile and olfactory nerves in her nose will be turned on, while you will experience peacefulness from her rhythmic strokings. You will discover that the touch of your lover's breasts smuggled closely against your upper back is most gratifying. Her supple tummy can be pressed against the smalL of your back, an equally pleasurable experience. The most exciting feature of the Little Spoon may be the juxtaposition of her genital region and your buttocks. The skin of your bottom is alive to tactile impressions and you will delight in this lusty contact.

This position is extremely relaxing. Your lover cuddling behind you is a peaceful experience; it makes this position another excellent way to drop off to sleep.

Leisurely Lounge

This is the position I have experimented with least often, chiefly because I feel that the Big Spoon allows more intimate contact with the woman's back. But some women consider the position to be comfortable and relaxing.

The male lies on his left side while his partner is prone on her stomach. As in most of the other positions, his left arm will support her neck. Her entire back will be exposed to stroking, petting, and massaging. Her neck, shoulders, back, and buttocks invite soothing caresses.

If your aim is relaxation rather than stimulation, it's best to lean over against her prone body so that your right side rests lightly on her back—and remember, not too much pressure. You can then wrap your right arm securely around her upper back. If you can manage it comfortably, try extending your right thigh until it rests squarely upon the slopes of her buttocks. The lower part of your leg will end up lying between her legs, securely trapped between the inside of her thighs.

How to Use Them

These are the five basic cuddling poses. It is by no means an exhaustive list. There are numerous variations and many new—ones can be invented.

I have found that the first four positions form a natural sequence for attaining relaxation. Generally, I start with the Intimate Embrace (face-to-face), which tends to be the most stimulating. Then I switch to Loosely Tethered (the woman on her back) and usually stay there longer. Next, my lover turns her back toward me (the Big Spoon).

I usually continue longest in the Big Spoon, because consider it the most comfortable and relaxing. In fact, I used this position to induce sleep, until I discovered the Little Spoon (man's back toward the woman), which can bring complete relaxation. But I now consider the sense of security produced by the Little Spoon to be the best way to fall asleep.

I have found cuddling to be a nicer cure for occasional insomnia than any sleeping pill. It is also nice to cuddle with your lover when you wake up in the morning. After a satisfying cycle of cuddling, you will start the day more refreshed and relaxed. Another good time to cuddle is after work, athletic activity, or any involvement producing tension or strain.

Cuddling goes hand-in-hand with lovemaking. Before and after sex, it heightens awareness and increases gratification.