The truth behind D/S

The thing everyone gets wrong about Dom/sub relationships is that they are all about trust. They don't hinge on pain and punishment. There may be a place for that in the bedroom but it is not the basis for every single moment. It is based on respect and love. 

A Dom is not just a play partner he is a submissives biggest cheerleader. She is not required to be his blind worshipper. She is His partner, his equal, his friend, and his lover. It is a relationship that has no equal. He is her protector, her confidante, her friend. 

D/s relationships give an entirely different level of intensity, and they don't ignite, flame, and burn out quickly. They are the deepest form of emotional devotion you will ever find. They linger over time and space and can alter the course of both of their lives. 

The Dom has no power without the submissive, it is she that grants him the responsibility of taking care of her and in return allows him to take what pleases them both from her body. In return, he gets her devotion and looks after him as he watches over her, encouraging her to grow into the person she wants to be. There is no physical torture just for sport or emotional distress for fun, even in the BDSM world that equals abuse. She has every right and every chance to set her boundaries and limits. When those are violated it is abuse. You have to know her as you know yourself, and if you aren't strong enough to care for her, you aren't strong enough to be Sir or respected. 

The violence depicted in the current culture of using and abusing woman is just that abuse. There is no excuse for breaking arms and branding it kink. Anyone who thinks that is sex or love is a moron and needs to be kicked square in the balls.

Dom men are not the aggressive type with a knack for hurting women. I have always known them to be the best men, who I used to trust with my life until not one of them intervened in the biggest mess in history created by them being silent. To a submissive silence translates to "he agrees with the people who hurt her". That is the surest way to break her heart and soul. We don't take to the silence well because we start to write in our heads the meaning of the silence. By nature, we are already hard on ourselves and hold ourselves to a different level of high standards. When we have a Dom, we are a representation of all that is good of him. Any Dom worth his salt is not an abuser, but her biggest fan. It's a love that can never be broken but for his cruelty without cause. It is not about humiliation, it is not about what most porn depicts it as. It is not about force or breaking someone's spirit. It is a relationship vested in honesty, communication and love. It is a choice, something that is to be cherished and can not be taken, except taken away when it has been misused. The tenets are always safe, sane, and consensual and in fact, in the purest form is more like a business negotiation where no one party has anymore power than the other, where both are of the same worth, and same mind. It is an intimate act of trust earned from love that is the foundation. It is about growing together and not about suffering or torture.

While the lifestyle can draw some people who have an abuse history, this is not what it conceived to be, it is not about victimization and I caution people who have chosen to call themselves submissive because they have had a trauma to look at their true motivations. I never had an abuse or trauma history when I realized I was submissive. Didn't practice it with the two men who sexually assaulted me and wouldn't claim otherwise. I have always keep it discretely tucked away until I trust someone to keep the wannabe's at bay. I many cases, my Dom/sub relationships were not based in sex but friendship, didn't involve sex and were merely just a part of how we related to each other. In it's truest form, the sex is just an expression of the dynamic and not always a part of the relationship. I have had men in my life that took a Domish part in my life but they were not men I was dating or involved with. They were men when I was in need of guidance or a friendly ear approached our relationship with clear boundaries that they held themselves to, intelligent, caring men who encouraged my dreams and when things were not going my way encouraged me to keep trying and supported my efforts even if it was only with words. There gifts were not gifts buying my affection, but normal interactions between friends, birthdays or congrats presents. Not bribery, not extortion, but simply signs of affection from one human being to another. I was never anything less than a Dominant's equal, who had the strength to give of myself by choice to the man I loved. The culture of absolute obedience or control is never the the role of a submissive. She has a mind of her own, free will and a epic brain to match. She has a heart of gold, and is as strong as any Dominant counterpart ..Trust me on this or piss me off..Then you will see how far from obedient I am. I also don't submit to everyone. I choose who gets that gift and I have yanked it away from the undeserving out of respect for myself. Any woman you can order to get you a beer with threats of violence is not submissive she is being victimized. The reverse is also true, coercion is not love, trickery is not love and neither is anything done without express consent.

Feel free to check more at https://www.patreon.com/submusings

Until next time...Keep Calm and Intelligent On