Tell someone that is not kinky that you love pain and you will see that little pinched up face that people make when they don’t understand something. Why would you like pain? That makes no sense! To someone who is not kinky, it will never make sense. I am out in this world and I have friends that will say that they are fine with me being kinky but they don’t want to hear about the details. I respect that because they simply can’t understand it. To them when they fall down and get a bruise it’s the body's way of telling them that they are hurt. Kinky people understand this but also stand the pleasure that can come with pain.
I remember the first time that I ever experienced pain and I was so scared. My breathing quickened and I tensed up all over my body. It freaking hurt. I was thinking “What have I gotten myself into?”. But then something amazing happened. The person who I was playing with calmed me down by talking to me and getting to take deep breaths. Then she said the words that have stuck with me for years. “Take one more for me.” That was a magical moment. I relaxed and because I am so submissive I did. I let her give me one more. It was hard, it hurt but then endorphins spread through my body and it was fantastic. Did it hurt? You bet it did but it was different. I had accepted it. I didn’t fight it. I did it for her and I was able to cope with it.
Since that day so long ago I have danced many dances with pain. I always tell myself to take more for them. It’s a very submissive thing to do. But it works for me. I have been able to take more and more. I love the feeling that washes over me. I have learned to need the endorphins and they are the most natural drug that there is. It’s what the brain uses to deal with the pain. If you learn how to make that happen and not fight it, it becomes life-changing.
For me now, today I need more than to just take it for them. I need a connection. I need to deeply want to accept that pain as natural progression of my submission to them. If I don’t connect to the person I can take far less. Isn’t life about connecting to other people? Without that, we feel alone. I take that connection to the next level. If I connect amazing things can happen with pain. I have taken much more over the years. It doesn’t make me better or more masochistic than others, it’s just what works for me.
I love the sting. Some people hate sting and prefer thud. That’s ok. I like the thud to wake up my body and skin. But once that happens I love the sting. A cane can be nasty but when you learn to love it the initial sting is great but then there’s a burning sting that happens after that is absolutely mind-blowing for me. If I am playing with someone who understands this they give me enough time to feel the initial sting and the after-burn until they strike again. Each strike gets me deeper and deeper. Yes, sometimes they don’t allow that because they are trying to fuck with my head which is hot too. Sadists can be like that. I have found though that a lot of sadists love the reactions too and if they realize that if they give me time to process they can give me more. Just this past weekend my Mistress was having so much fun canning my thighs that she was singing while playing with me. She was in her sadist mindset and enjoying every moment. It was very symbolic.
Symbiosis is key with pain. A sadist can beat a pillow all day long and they will get nothing out of it. They need to see and hear the reactions. They need the feedback of energy to truly get what they need. Once we both figure out what works between us that energy exchange can be so intoxicating. Wonderful things happen with that symbiosis. Play gets harder and deeper and eventually emotional. On the weekend my Mistress pushed me past what I thought I could take that day and after a flurry of strikes at the end I had tears running from my eyes. It’s not tears of sadness. It’s an energy release and the emotional connection that overwhelmed me and that led to tears. Sweet, emotional tears that cleanse my soul and heart.
After our scene, she holds me and tells me how proud she is of me. She comforts me and is there for emotional support. A scene like that can take it out of us both and it can take a few minutes to several minutes to come down from the bliss of what we have achieved. We usually talk about what happened and about what we liked and didn’t like. We let each other know what worked and what we could do better next time. That’s how you strengthen a connection. You are honest and forthright with your partner. My Mistress has control of me as her slave but she does care about my well being. She always takes what I say into consideration as long as I am respectful of her power. Taking someone’s power away is the easiest way to end a connection and relationship. Why would I want to do that anyway? I love being her slave and I consented to give her that power.
If you don’t understand the pain I encourage you to have an open mind and find someone knowledgable that you can talk to. It may not be for you but in my experience people with open minds can achieve far more than people with closed ones.