satire
Humor and satire to make you laugh. Everyone loves a good innuendo.
How to Become a Male Porn Star
Every. Single. Day. At least one guy will tweet me asking, "How do I get into porn?" The short answer is, "You don’t." But for those of you that actually might have the drive, perseverance, and sheer talent to be a male porn star, Imma break it down for you.
Samantha BentleyPublished 8 years ago in FilthyIn Defense of Polygamy
According to most upholders of sexual morality and the sacred institution of marriage, the case for polygamy is as dead as the dodo. Plural marriage, they say, may be all right for primitives, heathens or the educationally benighted, but for civilized contemporaries? Unthinkable!
Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago in FilthyPorn Sex Vs Real Sex
One of the questions I am frequently asked is how my partner copes with me doing porn. My answer is simple: "it’s a job." My personal sex life and my set sex life are both amazing, but for very different reasons. I'll put it this way—out of almost 1,000 scenes, I have orgasmed for real maybe four or five times. In my personal sex life, I orgasm every time, and sometimes more than once. I’m greedy like that.
Samantha BentleyPublished 8 years ago in FilthySexual Innuendos in Pokémon
In a world where the adorable faces of Jigglypuffs and Clefairys roam free, you might be surprised by the lack of innocence behind the scenes of the Pokémon universe. While the show and games were presumably created for a younger crowd, the adult fanbase is enjoying it just as much. Have you ever looked closely at Cloyster? Or accidentally spouted out the name of a Pokémon instead of asking your girlfriend to bed? It wouldn’t be the first time, as the fine line between sexual innuendos and Pokémon culture continues to blur. Sex and gender has always been an implicit topic throughout the Pokémon world. While each creature is labeled with a gender, the two sexes almost always look the same. Rather than simply smile awkwardly as Kakuna uses harden, however, Filthy is uncovering the hidden sexual messages behind your favorite pocket monsters. So zipper up your Gyarados but let your Poké Balls hang free, welcome to the sexy world of Pokémon.
Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago in FilthyLiving with a Small Penis
Something hideous happened to me at school, when I learned that all men were not created equal. It knocked the stuffing out of my self confidence. Until puberty penetrated the playground, life had been a breeze. Suddenly, the most unlikely boys in school took to unfurling enormous, pliable hoses and waving them around in the back row of the geometry class for all, except teachers, to see. I was horrified. The owners of these impressive appendages seemed also to be taken by surprise. And I was left to the wayside with my small penis.
Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago in FilthyWhy Having A Big Penis Sucks
He said, “Baby, are you ready for 5”… around?” She said “Honey I shouldn’t have to feel like an employee when I am giving a blowjob. Sometimes it feels like a real job but without any perks.”
Frank WhitePublished 8 years ago in FilthyBest Fruit and Veggie Pick Up Lines
One liners are the bread and butter of those who have very little game or a whole lot of confidence. Despite their natural cheesiness they can often be quite hilarious (and therefore effective). Most of us have heard a few pick up line favorites from “hey girl, do you have a quarter I can borrow, because I promised I’d call my mama when I fell in love” to “did you fall from the sky, because you are an angel” to more inappropriate versions like, “did you spray your pants with Windex, because I can see myself in them.” I know, total barf. However, there are people out there who are convinced they will hook the love of their life with one creative line.
Jus L'amorePublished 8 years ago in FilthyDating Miss Manners
My perfect first date would be for a hot guy to take me out to dinner and NOT try to get me to go back to his place. No blowjobs or sex on the first date, and if I do that it means I don’t want to see you again. If you make it to two dates I usually will have sex with you. But before we get there let me tell you about what I like in a date:
Confession of a Female Pornographer
Writing pornography required (in the past) a sturdy typewriter, but today, a trusty laptop, a reasonable familiarity with the English language, and a nodding acquaintance with copulation. In my hayday, I published 32 paperback pornographic novels in four years. When I started, the shift key on my typewriter broke over 16 times, because orgasmic groans are always written in the upper case. Today, you just hit caps lock as you make your way around your MacBook Pro’s home row. I started spelling come c-u-m, and decided to make myself an anchorite.
Florence KingPublished 8 years ago in FilthyHow Do Porcupines Have Sex?
Intrepid mammalogists have peered at the amatory conjunctions of elephants and whales, they have even studied how angleworms tie the lover's knot. But how do porcupines have sex? For a long time, no one knew. Porcupines are diffident, nocturnal beasts, and they like to climb trees. And people who find themselves in porcupine territory almost always can find something better to do than shinny up a spruce to see what Erethizon epixanthum and his chums are up to.
Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago in FilthyMost Disturbing Toys
What's in store for your little dimpled, darling pervert? We've got toys, lots of toys, that will help to carry your titillated tyke over the hump of degenerate childhood and into the full-fledged corruption of the adult world. The Yellow Brick Road of life is lined with used condoms, sex shops, everything from vaginal jelly to Pomeranian bullwhips. Why not toys... toys for the tainted (and tumescent) tots of busy parents?
Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago in FilthyAsshole Detection Guide
In biblical times, lepers were required by law to warn other people of their approach by ringing a small bell. Looking back on it, forcing people who looked like bird-nibbled plums to announce themselves with music seems not only cruel, but superfluous, as well. After all, nature always provides us with some form of early warning when danger, or something disgusting threatens.
Filthy StaffPublished 8 years ago in Filthy