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Best Fruit and Veggie Pick Up Lines

Whether you're complimenting someone’s melons or their zucchini, fruit and veggie pick up lines may produce another meating.

By Jus L'amorePublished 8 years ago 7 min read

One liners are the bread and butter of those who have very little game or a whole lot of confidence. Despite their natural cheesiness they can often be quite hilarious (and therefore effective). Most of us have heard a few pick up line favorites from “hey girl, do you have a quarter I can borrow, because I promised I’d call my mama when I fell in love” to “did you fall from the sky, because you are an angel” to more inappropriate versions like, “did you spray your pants with Windex, because I can see myself in them.” I know, total barf. However, there are people out there who are convinced they will hook the love of their life with one creative line.

Since we live in a more health-conscious world these days, where going to yoga is a must and eating clean is all the rage, it would only make sense that the single folk out there would begin to incorporate health and sex into their punchlines. And let me tell you, the results are one of a kind. Comparing body parts to vegetables and gardening to sex, it was a full on blast to find some of the wackiest yet tastiest food pick up lines out there. So next time you’re cruising down the produce section looking for love, here are few ideas to break the ice.

I wish we could run away and get married baby, but I cantaloupe.

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Alright relax guy. It’s our third date, I don’t wanna run away and get married just yet. Keep buying me clothes and jewelry and bags and nice dinners and we’ll talk. Why would you wanna leave your parents anyways? Isn’t it their money you spend on me?

I think we’d grow a great organic garden together.

Awh, how sweet, you want to grow organic with me. While I do appreciate your desire to eat clean, I am not exactly sure if you want to seed, plant, and water my actual dirt garden, or the garden that is my uterus. Care to clarify?

Your tomatoes are the juiciest.

Why thank you, kind sir, I do know how to pick an extra juicy tomato. You want to learn how, it’s actually quite simple. First off, summer is the best time of year to find the plumpest tomatoes. You also want to look for deeper hues and remember to always smell before you buy. As long as you pick up on that familiar veggie scent, then you should be all good. Oh wait, you weren’t talking about the tomatoes in my cart? Ugh, you’re a pig!

If you were a potato, you’d be a sweet one.

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Short and simple. A mediocre line at best, but it surely gets the job done for those women who will gladly take any compliment thrown their way. If it were me though, I’d throw my drink right on the guy. A sweet potato? Do I remind you of a potato? Am I fat?

How big does your squash grow?

To the woman who can say this with a straight face, I applaud you and may even possibly love you, because you have got to have some big kahunas to throw out this line. Unless you are physically standing in a man’s zucchini garden or questioning Giovanna Batista Scozzafava, the Guinness World Record holder for largest zucchini, then I see no reason for these words to ever leave your mouth. In case you’re curious it was 8' 3".

Your broccoli heads are so big.

Did you just compare breasts to broccoli? Um, yeah I think you did. Not only does this comparison not work because who the hell calls boobs broccoli, but it also lacks major creativity. You would have been better off with something as cheesy as, “I’d love to steam your broccoli.”

I’ll trade you two juicy pineapples for your cucumber.

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Well hold on girl, before you go offering up your produce to every Tom, Dick, and Harry, you might want to get your game in check. While I am all about female equality and women making the first move, I do find this type of aggressiveness to be a little odd and totally slutty. Even if you are a girl who gets around, I hold no judgment, but I see no reason for you to go whoring it up in the fruit department making the rest of us shoppers extremely uncomfortable. And nauseous.

Do you live in a cornfield? Cause I’m stalking you.

This is actually kind of cute, in that creepy-but-funny kind of way. It also doesn’t hurt that there is no reference to sex or comparison to human body parts. Call me CORNy (every pun intended) but this line may actually earn a smile. Or a restraining order.

If I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my seed?

Damn dude, did you really have to go there? First off, this is just gross. Secondly, whenever the phrase spit or swallow is used in a sentence a person automatically thinks about blowjobs, the end, period. Thirdly, almost everyone likes seedless watermelon nowadays, so go suck your own seeds.

Yours is the only meat I would put in my body.

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Well hot dog, I’ll be damned. Looks like you’ve found yourself a slutty horny vegetarian. That right there is like finding a pot of gold. If I were you I would put a ring on that malnourished finger and give her the meat she so desperately craves. Let’s just hope she doesn’t bite.

How about we plant seeds together.

Well at least this guy isn’t a grade A pervert like the rest of his one liner buddies. Ok, well maybe he is, but at least he could try and get away with this one. With all the earth-friendly-organic-hipsters flooding the streets these days, I really wouldn’t be that surprised if he actually wanted to have a romantic planting party of two.

If you were a vegetable, you would be a CUTEcumber.

Beware ladies, because the man who tries this one on you is also the guy who wears socks with sandals, gives a lot of thumbs up, and probably still picks his nose. If you find my theory judgmental than you probably like to pick your nose, too, and now you have found your match made in heaven. You’re welcome.

I want to paint you green and spank you like a disobedient avocado.

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Love it. Honest and straight to the point. Who doesn’t love a good spanking? I wonder if Christian Grey would be into this. While it comes off strong, there’s something to be said for a man with confidence. You can never be too straightforward, they say.

Let’s pretend you’re a farm and I’ll be the table.

I know this may be a little off topic, but how wonderful are farm to table eateries? Always fresh and delicious with a home cooked vibe. So, if your saying you want to make fresh delicious sex with me, then OK, maybe.

If I give you my number will you promise to kale me?

This guy. Yeah, his best friend is the guy who called you a CUTEcumber. In fact, they probably came shopping together, cruising for babes in their peace sign t-shirts and dungarees (yes, that is still a real word). Who am I to judge, though? He could be the sweetest guy on earth or he could have a shrine of Wonder Woman in his bedroom. Which is in his mom’s house. Hey, you’ll never know unless you give him a kale.

Are you a baker? Cause your buns are fantastic!

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Yikes. This guy definitely needs to work on his pick up lines. I’m a little offended he thinks I'm a baker. Can’t he see my Apple Watch and Louis Vuitton bag? Does he seriously think I’d be rocking those on a baker’s salary?

I’ll eat your peach if you try my zucchini.

Hardy har har, you’re so funny. Not! Once again, unless you are on a date and eating peach cobbler while he finishes his zucchini salad, then this pickup line will be tough to pull off without looking like a total creep.

Can I interest you in some of my compost?

I am going to assume the person who spit this line is not fully aware of what compost is, so let me define. Compost is decayed organic material used as a plant fertilizer. So, if you are asking me if I want a pile of your old fruit, grass clippings, coffee grinds, and farm manure, then I’m going to have to say NO.

If the world is my oyster, then you’re my pearl.

Photo by Leda & St. Jacques et Publicis

Ah, what kind of sophisticated woman doesn’t like a little Shakespeare in their life? He was quite the romantic. Although I have to admit this one seems a little woman-like to me. But I guess he wouldn't be the first gay guy I’ve dated. Is there something wrong with me?

If you were a berry, I would turn you into jam and enjoy you all winter.

Call me crazy, but I kind of like this line. It’s sort of unique, kind of charming, and honestly what girl doesn’t like to be called sweet. To this guy, you pass the one liner test just as long as you say it in a jovial manner and not while licking your lips and grabbing your crotch. Deal?


About the Creator

Jus L'amore

Sometimes offensive yet mostly sweet. Always honest and often vulgar. I'm a wife, MILF, and everyone's homey. From trends and sex to mom life and fitness, I tell it how it is and not how it should be.

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