Masturbation IS Self-Care

I knew of my vulva's existence at a very young age. Its discovery sadly came to me through toxic masculinity and sexual trauma. My experiences with it created a cloud of shame and discomfort that I always felt to be my fault because I had no way of knowing otherwise.

As I got older, my hormones took over and my desire for touching myself made me feel dirty. My enjoyment of it made me feel even dirtier! The beliefs conditioned int me and what I faced as a young girl made me view female masturbation as inappropriate, and something we just did not do. Nobody around me talked about masturbation, and if they did, it circulated around boys and men.

When I became sexually active as an adult, the mindset I had around self-pleasure only intensified. I did not understand how unhealthy the opinion I had of myself in this way was and how inaccurate.

It wasn’t until years after I began having sex with others I realized I didn’t even know my body. How did I ever expect to communicate my needs to a partner if I didn’t even know them? That is when I tried to evolve out of the shell I had kept myself in since childhood.

I​ started with the hardest part: having the willingness to learn and grow.

I​ can still remember the first time I touched myself and instead of guilt, I felt this overwhelming feeling of acceptable and love.

And when I orgasmed, I laughed. I laughed so heavily! That was when all the conditioned beliefs I had surrounding my self-pleasure flew out of me and made room for what felt good.

O​kay, maybe not all of them right then and there, but it was definitely the catalyst! Because let’s be honest here... growth is a journey! No matter where you’re at in yours, you don’t have to feel lost. Here are some amazing tips to help you start (or keep) “feelin’ yourself”.

1​. Release the guilt!

There is no shame in masturbation. If you’re struggling with just letting go of that release, then you need to figure out where these conditioned beliefs stem from and take back your power from them.

2​. Become familiar with your body!

Touch it. Talk to it. Look at it.

One of my favorite things to do is place a mirror between my legs and watch me touching myself. How can we be confident and secure with pleasing ourselves if we don’t even know our own bodies in the first place, or if we fear how our bodies look?

3​. Experiment!

Try your fingers or toys. Do you have a handheld shower head? Try that too! You will never know what you like (or don’t like) unless you try. Start slow and build up your comfort.

4​. Be in the moment!

Allow yourself to embrace what you’re feeling and not get lost in fear or past beliefs. This is one of the best ways to connect with your true self. I think of it as meditative masturbation. You can make a specific playlist for it, set a mood and keep yourself grounded and present.

Now you’re probably wondering: “Okay, I get it. There is no shame in masturbation, but can we consider it self-care?”

H​ELL YES.

It is unbelievable how beneficial masturbation (with or without orgasms) can be. It can help reduce stress and tension and improve your sleep. Not to mention, it can even help reduce cramping when you’re menstruating.

For me, the less stressed I feel, the happier I am.

By definition, self-care is “the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress,” (Dictionary.com) and if that doesn’t scream masturbation, then I am not sure what does!

B​ig energy love,

A​sia, The Colorful Writer