How to *Not* Be a Dick at the Strip Club

Listen, gentlemen, it's called a 'Gentlemen's Club', which means that one must behave as such. Though it is part of the entertainer's job to create a sexy and fun experience for the patrons that walk through the door that does not then mean that regular polite behaviors are negated. Sometimes it's because it's fun to play king for a night or sometimes it's inexperience but the behavior sometimes goes really badly really quickly. Here is what not to do at the strip club, guys:

1. Remember This Is A Business - Ultimately the entertainers are there to make money. (Sorry if that ruins the illusion that they are there just to grind on dick for free because it's SO much fun!! Yeah, no.) They are not there to find a date, get laid, make random chit-chat, suck dick, or be saved. They are there to pay the rent and conduct business. What this boils down to is that you shouldn't waste the dancer's time if you're not intending to pay her FOR her time. Here are some examples:

• Do not chit-chat for several minutes with her if you're not going to spend money. Tell her to move on before wasting her time like that.
• Do not try to get her to go home with you. She won't. $500+ a night or sleeping with a stranger you just met at work who wants you to leave money to sleep with him? Nope.
• Do not pawn her off on your friends that you also know won't buy any dances.
• Do not go to the strip club if you're not going to spend money.

2. Shake Their Hand - Don't refuse to shake a strippers hand if they offer, they aren't below you.

3. Don't Say "Maybe Later" - If that really means "no, not ever," then just say that you're not interested because a seasoned dancer can tell what you really mean. And, if you really mean 'no,' then 'maybe later' is just annoying and feels condescending.

4. Do Not Give A Compliment Then Say No - Ah, the compliment cushion. "You're the hottest girl in here... but maybe later." Yeah, I'm sure you're the best dentist in your field... but I think I'm going to go with another guy. I'm sure that you would win my case no matter what, I mean, look at all of your experience! But I'm going with another lawyer. Charming. Just imagine if you were about to say that to someone in their place of business. Because this is a dancers place of business and comments like that just sound silly and honestly will earn you a pretty solid eye-roll. Yes, rejection is common in sales but it's still annoying.

5. Do Not Ignore Them - If someone is talking to you in any social situation it's incredibly rude to simply ignore them or turn your back as they greet you or stay silent after a direct question. Like, that's seriously a dick move so why is it suddenly OK to ignore the stripper tapping you on the shoulder to greet you? It's not. Period. Get the balls up to tell her you're not interested, if you're busy, or she's not your type. But do not just full on pretend that there isn't a human being right next to you. Because though they may take off clothes for money they are STILL HUMAN BEINGS.

6. Do Not Insult Them - Strippers have feelings too, you know. And, *news flash!* they can hear you. If, for example, true to the trend of today you like an ample booty: do not degrade, insult, or comment on the itty bitty apple bottom of the girl that sat with you. It's hurtful to the good old self-esteem. It takes guts to have your body judged nightly... the last thing you need is some fuck boy saying your ass isn't big enough. You wouldn't point out flaws on the bodies of random girls on the street so why would you do that at someone's place of business?

7. If Your Girlfriend Doesn't Want To Go... Don't Force Her - This will be disastrous for everyone involved. The dancer will feel the shade of your girl from a mile away so you won't even get hardly any attention and your girl will likely be in a pissed off mood all night. Who wants to deal with that?

8. Don't Cross Physical Boundaries - ask for permission and not for forgiveness in this situation. Every girl has her own set of rules so it's not a one size fits all situation. Some girls might be really OK with you being up close and personal with their bikini lines. Others won't appreciate you being anywhere near that zone. It all depends on the girl so before acting ask. Instead of sticking a nipple in your mouth (also, think about how many other guys that night have done that... gross.) or licking her spine or sticking fingers past her panties ASK IF SHE'S OK WITH THAT. Just because she is a dancer that does not mean that she's your do whatever sex doll.

9. Just Be Chill + Normal - If you wouldn't treat a normal woman on a first date a certain way... then don't treat a stripper that way either. What's funny to observe is that for whatever reason the strip club creates an environment in which men feel free to be the worst version of themselves. Not all of them, in fact not most of them. But for some its' an excuse for their worst side to run the show. It's totally cool to want to have fun but keep the bad behavior in check. Deviance is fun! Dick wad is not.

10. Do Not Short The Dancer - Finances in this environment are tricky. Essentially it's up to you not to get talked into or tricked into spending large amounts. However, if you do get bamboozled you have to pay for the services rendered. So, pretty much it's up to you to make sure that you don't let yourself end up in that situation -- which can be tough!

For example, if you don't prepay for an hour massage and say you want just an hour but you let them go for 5 because it felt good and now the bill is 5x the amount... sorry. You got the 5 hour massage, you can't now just not pay for the 4 additional hours you got. In fact, I can bet you wouldn't dare try to short a massage therapist.

I know it's temping to dispute if you wanted one dance but she kept going for 7 songs. In this situation what you WANTED and what you GOT are key factors to pay attention to. If you only wanted one but you got seven, don't be a dick and short her for the money you owe for a service that she did indeed provide — whether you asked for that amount or not. In a strip club it's on you to pre-pay for the amount you want. If you only want one dance, pre-pay for one song before she starts. Then she is obligated to ask if you want to continue after the one song is over instead of just going and going like an energizer battery. It's on you to keep tabs of yourself in this place, you're an adult.

Long story short — don't short the dancers if you are provided a service. Them the rules kiddo. If you don't like it the dancer will have you explain your logic to a much bigger guy than you out back.

Anywho, I know I was a little brutal guys but it's a subject I feel very strongly on and say with love and gratitude to all the amazing men that help strippers make their living. Thanks for your patronage, guys!