How To Love

by Kara Kanai 5 months ago in advice

Importance of Intimacy

How To Love

What's a relationship without intimacy? Truth is nothing. The relationship/marriage would never make it without intimacy being present. There are 5 types of intimacy: Emotional, Physical, Sexual, Spiritual and Intellectual. Most of us just simply see intimacy as two units emotional and physical. Learning now there's 5 different types I'm sure you never put that into perspective. So if we really think about any of these types being absent in a relationship can you understand why it wouldn't last or you could stay together and be "stuck" is also a choice many couples deal with. They choose to live that way that is so unhealthy for yourselves and those around you seeking out a ridiculous lie! Being an intimacy coach this is what I see all to much in my clients whether their sexless, "stuck", their too broken. I hear every excuse in the book but the one I'm really there to teach and coach about. Fighting for your relationship be reclaiming your love life and seeing that you truly deserve happiness. My clients rather stay miserable and live that way then engage in a way that could fix the problem if some effort and dedication went into the actual relationship itself. Regaining that spark back is hard I get it but also letting it go is not somehow going to fix anything either. With time the problems and resentment just builds to new level of no return or you have the participants not wanting to even try and consider saving it. It's the last option they have in mind until they come and see me. Reigning intimacy isn't easy but here are just a few examples:

  • Take a bath or a shower together will not only get things going it shouldn't take much to do that. Considering your both already naked, having water bounce of your skin and it all hot and steamy. Take it a step further and grab that scrubby to bath your lover's body from head to toe. If anything you should have no issue getting laid. That doesn't have to be the main goal here understand that.
  • Cuddling releases Oxycontin in the brain that is also know for the 'bonding chemical' 12 minutes of holding each other will have you feeling connected more than ever. Watch a movie spooning and woman hold your men in the same position they hold you. They like that feeling of security too! So give it a try.
  • Making out creates a chemical cocktail for your brain to experience. When you french kiss the chemicals include Oxycontin, Dopamine, and Serotonin, which can make you feel euphoric and encourage feelings of affection and bonding. Sending my clients home with a prescription to kiss passionately twice daily for about 2 minutes at a time to get those chemicals flowing right.
  • Flirt- I always tell my clients to 'date their mate' the definition is in the phrase. Bring that infatuation back into the relationship and act like your still dating just like you were when you first met. Do things you use to do to spark some of those feelings of interest and excitement. Most of all be very your flirty with your lover showing that your still curious and infatuated by them. This doesn't only compliment their ego it sparks that intimacy that once was there giving it a second chance to relive.
  • Watch erotica/porn together: I got to say this something that will get me and my partner in the mood for each other instantly ya I know intimacy isn't all about sex but it's a huge portion of strong bond. And remember that sexual intimacy is a type of intimacy expressed. So let loose and have some fun being wild and courageous. Being able to watch some couples fucking will not only get you in the mood it can be a sort of guide or a game to act out what you see and interpret it in your love making to make it a playful,experimental experience and spark some flames
  • Share your needs,wants, desires and fantasies with open arms. Judgement-free zone. Being able to open up to your partner about vulnerable stuff will not only create a safety net for feeling safe with lover. It will remind you what it felt like before you lost the intimacy and what it felt like to trust and feel secure.
  • Do new activities together that you've never done before. Figure out what interests, hobbies you have in common and go do something new together. Maybe take a cooking class, bring a project you two can finish together, go bowling whatever it is make sure you've never done it before.
  • Set aside quality time for your partner to strictly have alone time. Whether your have a busy schedule with the kids, work, stress, bills the lists goes on just make you guys get in your well needed alone time for each other. Taking the time to set aside just for your lover instead of distractions will be well appreciated and noticed.
  • Have date night once weekly. This is a must, we all need breaks and putting that time aside for you and your partner to go out and have some fine wine or a picnic in the park. Where you choose to date, date weekly and make it a priority. After a long week you may not be able to sit and connect with your partner until 'date night' maybe it was a hectic week and having a chance to finally talk is well past due to schedule time aside and spend it with your lover and enjoy!

Seek a intimacy/sex coach aka Me! Maybe it just that time to seek professional assistance because you two truly don't know where to start or what to do. Maybe your in that "stuck" phase and you are really lost for which direction to turn.

Intimacy is like an onion, multiple layers and you have to peel one at a time to get to the core of it. Considering that intimacy takes time to create and grow. It just doesn't just come with the relationship like a manual. It created over time due to the intimacy you two take into building that wall. The more open you get, being vulnerable and sharing your deepest secrets, needs, wants, fantasies creates a safety net for you two to share. Considering you just don't fuck anybody being able to show and share your sex-signature in a confident manner will actual increase your sexual experience overall. Let's face it being comfortable in your own skin bring you calmness but acceptance for who you really are sexually.

Make sex a priority to reclaim your intimacy back naturally. I agree that the more you sex you have the more interest in sex you have. Keeping your sex drive juices flowing before you get in that rut of not doing it. Choose to make it a priority, schedule the sex, have quickie but no matter what you do please use variety in your sex life. Show interest and willingness to try new, kinky things like when you first starting dating, that thrill will bring back intimacy naturally it always does. Less sex, less intimacy period.

It's just a proven fact! In saying that do different positions, fuck in different places, act out different fantasies will your partner's consent of course. Make sure your not have sex at the same time with the lights off every time. That's the routine I'm talking about each session should be completely different to keep you out of that rut of not doing it at all. The more excitement that is shown in the sexual act the more interest both of you will have because it's something new and different from the regular. And nobody likes vanilla sex!

Bring some sex toys into your bedroom to spice it up! Being a Sex Toy Consultant as well I've studied multiple products and recommended and tried to review what worked for me and what I could experiment with because until I tried it I really didn't know. And to be honest with your I'm completely into that BDSM shit! I pray for a Christian Grey to come sweep me off my feet to ecstasy! Shit I deserve to surrender and summit in the bedroom. I have no control of my normal life so there's why I would love to be a submissive. To escape from reality that I can't control. Then there's your dominates that like to take control in the bedroom because they have full control over their lives in a structured way or they have no control over their normal lives that in the bedroom in where they find something they can control. Their way your either into it or not? Period. The restraint system that I own is under my bed ready to go at all times. My partner is aware of my submissive ways and there's times I also dominate him just to switch roles. My sex life is filled with tons of sex toys, blindfolds, restraints, whips, floggers, gag balls, leather, collars etc...BDSM is nothing new it's been around for centuries. So close your sexuality for what it really is just like I just did. Because like I said before, hiding or refusing to accept who you are sexually is rejecting who you really are fully. It's your final you, a personality trait that makes you unique like fingerprints.

Reasons to reject your sexuality could be from multiple things like:

1. Inhibitions being #1

2. Sexual trauma or events that took place

3. Poor body imagine

4. You think sex is dirty or bad

5. Grew up in a sex-negative environment

and much, much more! Either way it will destroy you if you don;t understand and accept your sexuality for what it really is. Kinky, Vanilla, Square or Circle were all humans and should understand whatever your preference it's complete natural and normal period. Not being able to show self-care toward yourself aka masturbation should be a frequent occurrence.

I advise my clients to masturbate aka make passionate love to themselves at least one a week. Whether your married, single, young woman, old man never think that masturbation is just not for you. It shows nothing but love for yourself and self-care practice you need to give yourself in order to love yourself. You can not love somebody else until you have fully loved yourself. So in other words if you don't want to fuck you, who would?

Hope you found this information useful and educational to truly understand intimacy to yourself and in a relationship and the important role that it provides in a relationship. Without intimacy the relationship will slowly die. Whether your willing to just stick it out or seek professional help before it gets to bad because it will never get better or it will just get worse leading in break-up or divorce which we already know the divorce rate is at an all time high. There's no fight left in couples, there's no effort or dedication to give and receive love. We all deserve happiness and I believe we all should live it and the world might be a more safer place. If we all just showed a little more love it could change the world for future relationships. Let me just say being a Millennial so far this example is not ideal for our children to come. It;s my passion and my job to create closer bonds again. to rekindle that passion, reignite intimacy and give that love life a reason for living!

Appreciate all who took the time out to read this!

Intimacy Coach//Sex Expert//Sex Toy Consultant

Visit my website at http;//

Email: [email protected]

Text direct line 586-843-8867

Kara Kanai
Kara Kanai
Read next: Titty Tote Time
Kara Kanai

Easy-going, Pisces with a great sense of humor.

I have such a passion for writing and always have.

Self-taught, Self-made.

Love to give what my readers are looking for a descriptive story with all five senses

See all posts by Kara Kanai