I'm actually a relationship coach. I worked for Pure Romance previously for the past 4 years and started to steer in my own direction. Due to my own experience with the company and how sexist they were against MEN just didn't make no sense to me. So, I also had many issues arising in my own relationship of 7 years and 2 children that I could no longer bear with intimacy issues. Being a 26-year-old mother, with a fiancé', that has 6 years on me, I felt very insecure of being inexperienced. I have insecurities just about my body imagine in general. Judging every edge of my figure I could. So, during sex I was more than just a "Plain Jane", more like a one-sided run way if you say. Knowing that I WASN'T that I wasn't making love back to my fiance' and eventually having that being brought up in a huge fight stating that I was just a "DEAD FISH" FINALLY CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH!! His deep frustrated voice of disgust made me realize how lazy I was really being as a wife & a lover...and I really thought I was doing it for him just by laying there and having him do all the work....I mean he still orgasm-ed.?!! That wasn't the point, me being so stuck in my insecurities of not fully forgiving the guys that raped me at 16 was mostly, if not all, the WHOLE problem! Being so confused on why I couldn't let go of something I thought I got through years ago took some months to figure out why my sex life wasn't where it should be. And figuring out how on earth I would even get to a beginning stages of when you first meet someone was forever far from my reach, it seemed.
So, I made a pact to myself, and my partner that my New Year Resolution was going to have more sex with me initiating everything and having him just to lay back and have me do all the work....I was so determined but, I didn't have clue how much I desired my sexuality and exploring it. Surprising myself completely and getting up on that high horse and riding my man almost every other day for 6 months straight.!
Comes to find out...the more I pushed myself to feel all gross and so inhibited actually ended up excepting myself the more when we had sex...The confidence over time just started to build increasing fast. After the first 3 months of hell trying to keep a straight mind and stay in tuned my racing thoughts got the best of me. Overthinking was the worst! "What he might be thinking?"...Every couple day, I would jump right on his cock like it was my duty which it was my new routine. Instead of cow-girl I got more eager to try reverse-cowgirl.... then once I got sick of that one I started doing reverse-cowgirl (jack rabbit style)...which can be a tough.
Seeing my man sexual fulfilled was so amazing, so absent for far too long just made me feel like a brand-new woman overall. Brand new lover, wife, mother, I started noticing I was evolving into what my own sexuality! Understanding my fantasies and desires were more than ever natural. Educating myself with Human Sexuality, PDF files, downloading the best workbooks, searching how to rekindle your desire and keeping your intimacy hot in the bedroom inside and out.
Reading "The Newest SEX BIBLE: THE NEW GUIDE TO SEXUAL LOVE a whopping 314 pages.... taking "comprehensive sexual education" classes and worksheets like I was back in high school! Anything that would help me understand myself and learning that sexuality was more than normal not a taboo like my parents always betrayed it to be. Knowing that there was so much more to sex that I never even thought could be a factor, the health benefits are so surreal.
Knowing that change is possible in anyway shape or form. If you're ready for it of course. :) In other words, you really have to be ready to put the work in and patience. Set-backs will take place, which seem to happen more often in sex. It's a vulnerable thing, we all know as humans to just how naturally drawn chemistry. That's how were just programmed. The way our bodies are only made for one reason only, that's to reproduce! There's nothing better than seeing a couple that are so lovely dovey after 25 years plus of being together. You want to know their secret?? Their sex is still kick-ass.! The spark is still alive. Knowing it may have went out a couple times because we are only human. Thing pop up like low sex desire, libido, hormonal imbalances due to medications, stress the list goes on.
The moral of wanting the best for yourself and in your relationship is just try different. So different that you feel uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable indicates you're doing something right when it comes down to pushing towards those boundaries. Change is never easy we all know that especially with SEX....that's probably the hardest change to make for the better!! Very hard, dedication and motivation and dedication again!! Knowing that change will eventually come with time and that progress will come in baby steps.
Every day, that goes by me and my partner find new ways to surprise each other whether it be sexually or intimately. Seducing one another, dirty talk, flirting threw out the day, getting my ass smacked and gripped up like a dirty slut that I am is what I love most about his aggressive nature of his masculine hands. I'm proud to know I did go outside my element to reach his desires and evolving his sexuality as well. He's learning too.
We both owe it to each other that we deserve to give ourselves FULLY exposed, mind, body and soul. Being able to let ago and TRUST...because it's been so long since I've done that, knowing that safety has been grounded in our relationship. Knowing that what those boys did to me was far more damaging then I ever would have imagined.! Thank god, retraining my brain & doing exercises with myself and focusing on me first!...which Kara (ME) always forgets about herself... My needs were first and things turned and they turned fast, too fast, the speed was worth the rush to improvement though. Just knowing the least amount of what I use to show would never become present again in my sex life was more than enough improvement. I took charge of my sexual desire and owning my sex life couldn't feel any better than being true to myself.
Sincerely, A BOSS