Hauntings

  I saw you once and now places echo you. Nothing more than a chance meeting. When I look at those places I still see you. In a parking lot, a grocery store. That is the problem with a memory like mine. For the last two years they have all been reminders of lovers past turned to memories of pain by those I should be able to trust. 

  In a new place, in a new town they are memories that I cling to of good, of safety of all that you represent. Had I had the chance to tell you, I would have thrown my arms around you and buried my face in your chest, in your arms and let the tears fall freely without fear as I have been taught by the world I am punished for crying or speaking up. I look at those places like holy ground. A reminder that somewhere in the world there is a sanctuary, and it would have been your arms. I see them and I remember you, I remember what could have been if you had noticed me the way I noticed you. My once brave spirit so broken by everyone I ever trusted and loved. My words now silent as they have all fallen upon deaf ears. 

 I long for the moment I met you. The brief gaze upon you, the moment the heavens bound us together by a red string of destiny. You my desired thing, the intrusion into my dreams and waking moments. I wonder what it would be like to be yours. To know my heart has a home where it won't be bruised, where the invisible wounds are not ripped into gapping holes. I long for your touch, a salve on the scars no one sees or refuses to try to stitch together. So much loss, so much hell, for nothing. I am torn. Do I walk away from these moments and add them to the years of memories that haunt me or do I hope that someday it will be another moment, another chance for us. All that God has taken from me, and refused to return, and though I should be able to keep myself afloat on my own, I will never be able to. I ponder in lonely moments if you remember me even in the vaguest sense as I remember you. A random safety net in an emotional hurricane. What would be your reaction if you knew it was you that I have chosen as my King? Would you simply disappear as all that came before you has or would you simply take me in your arms, wipe away the tears with your hand softly and kiss away the fears as you wrapped me in your arms as if they were a tourniquet on a bleeding soul? Would you defend me rather than fail to speak when I begged you to hear me? Would you protect me from the attacks of people who have no place to be attacking anyone but themselves? Would you choose me despite that I have been told again and again how broken I am, that God wanted me destroyed and I will never be good enough for anyone much less anyone like you? Could you move the mountains I used too for me? 

  It is more than just thoughts of passion and lustful fantasy you have found your way into. The passion only a symptom of the result of your kindness in a world so full of hatred I question why God has allowed this. 

 I yearn to know every inch of you. Every curve, every inch of your skin. To trace my hands over your body, as you do mine. To feel you locked inside of me. Taking what you need from my body, over and over again. To be able to lose myself in my addiction..you. To taste you, and have you taste me. To feel the ecstasy as I scream your name and beg you for more. I imagine the moments in the greatest of detail. Acting out every carnal moment, sticky with sweat and clamoring for air, never being able to get enough of you. Not just stolen moments of pleasure but knowing they can be sins committed over and over again . That is my normal. I am the reminder of all the sins you wish to commit with my body. The intersection between lust, love and forever. You are my hero, my champion. Naked, down on my knees I what to worship your body to reward you for your heroism. The powerful Queen at the service for only her hero. There are no words to describe the as I invite you to your playground, my body, simply waiting for you to claim your trophy. 

 My kneeling for you is never out of force but a testament to my devotion. My need to give you all of me and all of the privileges that come with being King.  Out of my devotion to  you, to let you revel in all that your masculinity desires, even the taboo. Things you think of in your head but yearn to know in reality. My purpose to adore my King who knows every spot that will make pleasure our reality. As sit waiting for you, you look upon me like a feast, deciding what delicacy to indulge in first. Greedily eyeing the body that will be your meal. You try to temper your hunger but the sight of me naked is too hard to resist. So you begin your indulgence, your mouth on my breasts, sucking my nipples hard as if they were lollipops. The sweet taste, pushing you down my body. Licking the skin that is yours. Without a thought you open up my legs eager to taste the sweet taste of me. Then you without warning push your mouth into my pussy, sucking my clit and lapping me up. The waves of soothing orgasms swell through my body as I want your tongue deeper and deeper inside me.  My hand unable to do anything but push you deeper and deeper never wanting you to stop. Then the moment you enter your heaven. Me tightly wrapped around your cock, bucking in pleasure at you filling the void in my body and soul. The only thing I can do but let you gorge yourself on me whimpering and moaning and swearing to the heavens. Repeatedly, you take your time and feel the ecstasy of my orgasms rolling over my body until I can only babble. Taking from my body every fantasy you have ever imagined, in every way you have ever imagined. Then in the ultimate moment you can neither have ever imagined you, let go of all of the control as you hold me down for the final moment of connection and spill into me.  Collapsing in the final moment with the world being perfect.