Guide to Bathroom Sex

This is the ultimate guide to bathroom sex – every sexy, delightful position to enjoy with your partner – that will throw you all over the bathroom without ever needing to go in the shower.

Guide to Bathroom Sex

Most people, when looking to have bathroom sex for the first time, are left up the creek with no idea how to do it. Maybe the idea of sex in the bathroom appeals to you. Maybe it sounds very un-sexy. For some, the fear of trying something new will result in vanilla, bland sex.

Or just you hopping in the shower.

Yeah, you can do what you do in the shower, but where's the fun in that? There is far more to a bathroom than just a shower. This is the ultimate guide to bathroom sex – every sexy, delightful position to enjoy with your partner – that will throw you all over the bathroom without ever needing to go in the shower.

Toilet Seat Tango

This fairly simple position works best if the toilet has a lid that covers the whole toilet. Or else you might get dirty and wet in a way you probably weren't intending.

One of you needs to place your foot on the toilet, and rest your rear on the protruding crotch of your partner. This works well for men or women, depending on who's receiving and who's giving. Either way, just let them go deep in, penetrating far and hard. No guide to bathroom sex is complete without this easy, basic position.

Toilet Bowl Rodeo

Ready for a wild ride?

Again, please, have the seat down for this position, or else you'll go down and dirty in ways you never expected. Sit your ass down on the toilet, and let your partner mount you. Torso against rear, then lower. Lower.

Ah, that's the ticket right there.

Simply one mounted on the other, with some penetration coming up from the rear.

Toilet Eagle

Spread your legs, and lay flat on that toilet seat. Let your partner go straight in, and just rock you on that toilet bowl.

I cannot emphasize this enough. Please leave the seat on. Of course, there is always the chance that you might rock the seat off of that bowl, and end up spiraling to the floor in a complete mess. But if you leave that bowl up, there's much more of a chance you're gonna rock your partner into toilet water.

It is a delightful set-up for pleasurable time so long as you're willing to take risks and are careful. And, again, if you get dirty – well, the shower is right there.

Doggy Style, Sink Edition

Ready to lean down, and take it from behind? Lean yourself right on top of the sink, and let your partner plow you in from behind. The basin of the sink allows a great surface for your breasts, as it won't mush them against a stiff counter top, cupping them gently in a moist hold. It's a great sex position.

Just watch out for the faucet. There is nothing worse than being thrust into that thing. It leaves a bruise like a motherfucker.

Sink Stool

Have a strong sink? Don't mind having that faucet caress the little of your back, running up and down the scale of your spine? Then get ready for this delightful sexy position.

Merely plant your ass in the basin of the sink, part your legs, and let your partner pleasure you. Plunge that dick right in – or strap-on, if you don't have a throbbing member – and just thrust right in there.

Again, and I cannot stress this enough, be careful. Too much weight on the sink can cause it to break. You don't want to have to pay for that. Especially if you thrust too hard. Which, given this bathroom sex position, you may just.

Drink of Sink Water

While the prior position works best with driving your penis between the leg, you can also do some licking if you are so inclined. Going down on your partner like this allows your partner to wrap his or her legs around your head, pulling you further and further into her pubic region, your forehead pressing up against his or her bare belly as you enjoy a good drink of sink cream-water.

It might even be safer, as there's less of a chance of mashing your balls against the sink ledge – or dislodging the sink entirely with a particularly strong thrust.

Hell, might even make a great threesome position. One parts the legs, the other goes down orally, and the third goes in from behind. Pleasure for all!

Look, any guide to bathroom sex needs a few good sink positions. Why not sex it up, and wash your dirty selves off when you're nice and hot?

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Miranda O'Conner

Body positive blogger, freelance sculpture, self-proclaimed connoisseur of whiskey, and forever in search of a hamburger as delicious as the ones you see in food commercials. Wendy's just doesn’t cut it.

See all posts by Miranda O'Conner