Female Fellatio Finesse

This one is for those of those who have gone down on a man and gave the performance of their lives.

I remember the first time my best friend told me she went down on her boyfriend, I was also dating someone at that time but we hadn't done anything sexual yet, but she said it was such a powerful experience before because he was crazy about her and he treasured her.

The b!tch lied.

I felt empowered by her story, because I wanted to wield power over a man, so I decided to go down on my boyfriend while we were alone at his house one day.

Dude, after five minutes, I was f*cking over it.

He wanted me to twist the shaft, then tickle the sac, then do some weird move with my lips that I did NOT understand and I just stood up and left.

The worst part was that I had a dentist appointment a couple days later and my dentist asked me if I was feeling okay, and when I told her yes, she gave me this weird look like 'mhmm'.

I told my best friend about it and she was like.

"You know they can tell when you've given head, right?"

...

"NO. I did NOT know that!"

"Oh, right, you're a virgin, I'm sorry I should have warned you."

I tried going down on him again, but like once again, I was over it pretty damn quick.

I don't know what these romance writers are building up about it for, maybe the writers are secretly men and they hire these women to pretend they wrote these stories where the lead female character gets wetter than a slip n slide while giving head. I read those scenes now after giving head to like 7 different men in my lifetime, and when I read those now, I just can't help but laugh because none of that shit is accurate.

When I read the female lead looking up at this man like he is this picturesque Adonis motherf*cker with electric aqua eyes and abs that you can do laundry the old fashioned way on, and this writer mentions NOTHING about the weird triple chin the man got going on and breathing through his wet throat that he ate too many cheetos while playing World of Warcraft.

"His d*ck felt like velvet covered steel."

B*tch please, CLEARLY they ain't never touched a dick before because they don't feel like that. I would say it feels a skinny ass shampoo bottle with a thin towel over it.

I still do not understand how men jack off. I honestly do not know, I always get so nervous about because I don't know whether to just grab it like a stick shift and work out like a shake weight OR do the whole gentle back and forth like flirting in 'Bridgerton'.

I don't know, it's just so much goddamn work, people. So much work.

On top of going down on a dude, and I can deep throat and choke and do the whole performance to make him feel like a real man; the one thing I cannot do, is fake that I can also have an orgasm while doing that.

One guy told me to go ahead and play with myself while I am letting him use my throat and I had to hold in my inner angry Mexican back that wanted to smack him and ask him why I am the one that has to multitask because HE don't wanna do no 69. I have to do ALL the work? It's not enough for me to be on my knees, giving you these Oscar level performance that would make the Academy rip the Oscar away from Leo to give it to me; but now I have to PLEASE MYSELF while I am PLEASING YOU???

Not only do you have to use your mouth, you gotta bob your head back and forth like your in a contest where you have to finish an popsicle as fast as you can and even though there won't be a prize for you in the end, you just gotta do it.

Then you gotta use your hands and use the pepper grinder motion because apparently everything else your doing isn't enough for the man who all he has to do is lay there and hold onto your hair.

No, just no.

I got out of a 5 year relationship right at the beginning of the whole Coronavirus issue, and like everyone else on the planet, I thought that this would be over in like three months. I figured by the time it ended, my hoe phase could begin.

Me and my sister had this all planned out. We booked a suite at the Luxor where we could each have our own King sized suites, because only Kings would be allowed in this p*ssy. We would be in Vegas for four or five days, sleep all day, drink all night, have nasty freaky sex with gorgeous men that we would trick in bars with the bad lighting and all the makeup that a young Sephora consultant would upsell us on.

We were planning which clubs to hit when we realized that the pandemic was gonna be a lot more serious than we originally thought.

So now here I am, 2 years later, wondering if I ever want to suck a dick that I am not into ever again. I invested in a good vibrator, I know what porn I like to watch, and I just take care of what I want on my own.

So, if I'm not into a guy enough to put in the effort to play with his fire house, I'm not gonna do it.