Confessions of a Webcam Girl Wannabe

I woke up nice and early the next morning. I was up all night thinking and fighting with the person inside, trying to convince that I am not crossing my own boundaries, like I am not hurting myself or others. I always been an open person who is other than ordinary. I got up a few times to feed and as I looked at my baby I thought what would they think if they know. Does what I am about to do make me a "bad" mother?

I watched the time go by and soon enough it was morning. I made sure I woke up before my husband. I wanted to check my emails and start to work on a bio the site was asking for. I have now learned that when you have a baby, you go by their schedule. All your needs are in the back burner. For how long ? who knows. What I do know tho is that my fantasy will come alive. I will make sure of that!

The mornings is the only time I seem to have to get things done. This time, it was different, very different then my usual routine. I quickly started to browse through my phone photos. I looked for the sexiest pictures I had taken withing the past two years. photos that I had originally sent to my husband. I actually went far enough to find sexy pictures I have taken for As I was editing my face off them, I could not help it to feel sad. Sad at the fact that my body did not look like this anymore, sad at the fact that I no longer sent him sexy picture of me anymore. I had replaced pictures of me, for pictures of my baby.

As I uploaded a few photos of me into the site, the self doubts were still on my mind. I wonder if anyone would noticed if my photos do not reflect the lady behind the screen. I quickly put all my thoughts away as I knew it was a matter of minutes before my baby woke up to feed and my husband would want to get some breakfast.

Ones the photos were up I had to think about what I wanted to say about myself. Do I lie? do I make myself sound hyper sexual? or do I make up a total made up person who I can access when I feel like I need a outlet from my real life. Like, don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad going on in my real life. If someone would be looking from the outside in, they would only see a happy family. The thing is, that I am not sure if its due to the hormones, or the fact that I am missing my old life, but I have an empty space inside me, maybe it's bordem, maybe its the exciting single life that I very much enjoyed and today miss more then ever.

As I make the final touches on my bio, I feel just okay about it. My site is ready to get approved and as I wait for it to be approved I know I will have some time to think about what exactly I am going to offer. I will also have time to find the old webcam I got when I thought I wanted to start a YouTube Chanel about motherhood. I also need to get the spare room ready. I need to clear my husbands shirts out of the bed, make the bed and make sure the lighting is bright enough. I also start to think about the sexy lingerie I have accumulated over the years. I felt ready! ready to turn on my camera and start to cash in. I mean, how hard can this be? act cute and sexy, talk dirty, show off your body and get money for it righ?

Doubt kicks in again ....

Maybe I should YouTube " How to become a Web Cam Girl?" Yes, I will google that before I do anything else. Lets see who these ladies are? lets see what they look like? Will they look like me ? will they have a 6 pack and perfect breasts? what about their smiles ? their voices?

lets see.....