Car Sex

We have all done it in a car. I know I have. A lot more than I'd care to admit to someone that I actually knew, but to strangers on the internet, y'all get the sweet Southern Tea.

When I was 15, I wasn't a popular girl and there were a couple guys that I knew had a crush on me and I figured I would end up dating one of them and losing my virginity in a car to one of them. One of them was kinda cute and to be honest, I'm a bit mad that I didn't date him because he wound up a chef and super hot with a pit bull puppy that is fucking adorable. I would've been fat and happy.

Moving on. Car sex.

Is it comfortable? Not after 25.

Is it convenient? After 25, yes.

The first time I made out with a boy in a car I was 16 and it was a bit awkward because the drive shaft was poking me in the stomach. It was uncomfortable and he bit my tongue twice and I somehow ended up with a bruise on my hip, but I could properly brag to my friends.

A couple weeks later, I had sex for the first time in the back of a Datsun and honestly? Not that great but at least I was getting something.

With that guy, we had sex in the car a lot. So, now I can do it and find a comfortable position for the main acts you do in a car.

The backseat may seem like a good idea but it's really awkward from the girls/bottoms perspective.

If you're the bottom and on your hands and knees on the backseat and the top is behind you, standing up, right outside the car door? You get literally the front row view of how clean your spouse keeps their car. There is no bigger turn off than seeing the month long trash build up that you tried to hide by shoving it under the seats but it popped back up at the worst possible moment.

Let me also take a moment to tell the guys that blow jobs are never comfortable for us physically. You guys have to live with the fact that some girls you date are gonna love doing it, and there will be girls who do not love it and you respect both types. Do you have any idea how uncomfortable that is to do in any position? I have tried to find a position to give head while still being semi-comfortable and nothing has worked for me.

Kneeling on a bed while your partner lays down? Your neck gets pinched and unless that bed is extra firm, your body sinks into the mattress at weird angles and you have to try and compensate by practically levitating on your hands and knees and your back gives out quick.

Kneeling on the floor? ahahaha, no. I will tell you that I know when a sex scene in a book is written by a woman because the man will put down a thick blanket or towel for the woman to kneel on. I've never had a man do that for me.

So, obviously blowing a guy in a car is no picnic either. If there's no major implement like a gear shift in the center console, you can try to just lean over and suck him off if you don't want to get in the back seat but your back will require tylenol for the next two days. If you do get in the backseat, kneeling on the car floor is just kneeling on metal and your knees will need tylenol for 3 to 5 days afterwards. You could get on your knees in the seat and fully lean over him with your ass in the air, but god forbid someone passes you and they IMMEDIATELY know what you are up to. Or down to do as it were.

For the girls: ever had a guy try to finger you in the car? The current guy I'm seeing is not good at it, but I'm mad at him so I'm finding fault in everything he does, says, and how he breathes.

Have you ever gotten caught while doing it in a car? I have. Four times. It's utterly humiliating. Especially since I've never been caught by a cop, it's always by those rent-a-security guard Paul Blart look a likes. Ever tried to re-hook your bra while someone that looks like Kevin James questions the guy you were just caught making out with? There is no coming back from that, 3 of the guards were really nice and respectful about it. They said how they were kids too and let it go. One guy had way too many puns prepared for that instance which tells me that he had been waiting his whole life to catch someone making out in a parking lot.

Car sex always sounds forbidden and hot and fun, but in reality ... its messy and you end up tweaking your back no matter what position your in. So, unless you're in a limo with all its spacious glory and a mini bar, I don't recommend it.