bangitout.com

SETTING

A cozy fireplace in a cabin. GIRL 1 AND GUY 1 sit in front of a romantic crackling fire, sipping champagne.

GIRL 1

(dreamily)

I’m so glad we did this.

GUY 1

Me too. Who needs all that dumb attachment stuff anyway? Relationships are soooo 2019.

NARRATOR’S voice comes in, GIRL 1 and GUY 1 turn attention to NARRATOR’S VOICE

NARRATOR

Do you think love is overrated?

(GIRL 1 AND GUY 1 clink glasses and nod)

GIRL 1 AND GUY 1

Yes!

NARRATOR

Would you rather just have a fun, anonymous night with a perfect stranger who you can pretend is your ideal partner?

GIRL 1 AND GUY 1

Yes!

NARRATOR

These two and millions of other folks are finding out that bangitout.com is making their lives easier with every swipe!

(SETTING CHANGES TO GUY 2 AND GIRL 2 ON A DATE IN A RESTAURANT, NARRATOR’S VOICE COMES IN)

GIRL 2

So, what do you do for a living?

GUY 2

Uhhh….. (SPEAKS directly to NARRATOR)

I can’t possibly tell her that I’m really just an Uber driver who sells dime bags on the side. That’s not husband material!

NARRATOR

Well, with bangitout.com’s privacy settings, you won’t have to! We have everyone sign an anonymity clause and you can be anyone you want! For the low price of your soul, you can sign up with us, create a persona and be anyone you want. Get in, get off and get out. It’s a win/win!

SETTING CHANGES TO GUY 2’S BEDROOM, GUY 2 AND GIRL 2 ARE UNDER THE COVERS IN POST COITAL BLISS

GUY 2

So… you know you can’t spend the night, right?

GIRL 2

(laughs) oh, I know. And I wouldn’t even if you asked me! (TURNS DOWN COVERS, REVEALS SHE’S FULLY DRESSED, GETS UP AND RUNS OUT OF ROOM) This was fun! Bye!

SETTING CHANGES TO GIRL 3 SITTING ALONE AT A WINDOW, GAZING OUT SADLY

NARRATOR

Are you looking for the love of your life?

GIRL 3 nods

NARRATOR

Do you want someone who will lay in bed with you, watch movies, hold you close and tell you you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him?

GIRL 3

Yes! Oh yes, I want that more than anything. Real love. That’s what I’m looking for.

NARRATOR

Oh. Well then it’s a good thing you’re no stranger to rejection, because this website is definitely NOT for you!

GIRL 3 STARTS CRYING AND RUNS AWAY. SETTING CHANGES TO COUPLES NOT HOLDING HANDS, SHUTTING DOORS IN EACH OTHERS FACES AND ESCORTING EACH OTHER TO CABS/UBERS

NARRATOR

So come on and get with the times. Relationships are a thing of the past! This Valentine’s Day, have all of the fun without any of the pressure! Try bangitout.com and see what you’ve been missing!

SETTING CHANGES TO GUY AND GIRL 1 AND GUY AND GIRL 2, ALL SITTING AT A TABLE SMILING AND HAVING DRINKS. GIRL 2 AND GUY 1 ARE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN THE MIDDLE, GUY 1 STANDS UP, LOOKS AT GIRL 2

GUY 1

Are you ready to go?

GIRL 2

Yeah, but I came here with….(gestures to GUY 2) Eh, whatever. Not like it matters. (Smiles) Lets go!

GUY 2 AND GIRL 1 EXCHANGE A GLANCE, LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SMILE

GUY 2

Yeah, that works for me.

GIRL 1

Have a great time!

NARRATOR

Bangitout.com. Because love is stupid!

ALL CHARACTERS

Thanks, bangitout.com!

BLACKOUT