Juliet the Villain- Part 1

SETTING: A FAR AWAY SHOT OF TWO PALATIAL, WELL KEPT HOMES, DIRECTLY ACROSS THE STREET FROM ONE ANOTHER. AS THE NARRATOR'S VOICE BEGINS, WE BEGIN TO CLOSE IN ON BOTH HOMES

NARRATOR: Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene. From ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take their life, whose-

JULIET: Ugh, stop. Just stop right there.

NARRATOR: Excuse me, what?

JULIET: You heard me. Stop talking. This isn't actually what happened.

NARRATOR: I beg your pardon? Um, forgive me for asking this, but... shouldn't you be dead?

JULIET: You can beg all you want buddy, but I know what actually happened. I was there. I lived it. I know the truth. Step aside and I'll tell you all the real story.

NARRATOR: The real story?

JULIET: Yes, the real story. You didn't actually believe that that fluff PR piece about me falling in live with that shitstain Romeo and killing myself over it was real, did you? (Pause) Oh. You did. Ugh, such a tired narrative. Okay boys and girls, settle in and get comfy, cause you're about to get schooled.

SETTING: A MONTAGE OF PHOTOS, SHOWING TWO FAMILIES HANGING OUT, BLOWING OUT BIRTHDAY CANDLES, PLAYING TENNIS, BARBECUEING, SITTING ON A PATIO SIPPING COCKTAILS, ETC. JULIET'S VOICE COMES IN, PICTURES EVENTUALLY CHANGE TO ARGUING, YELLING, SCREAMING, SILENT TREATMENT PHOTOS)

JULIET: So, years ago, the Capulets and the Montagues were actually good buds. Pals. Amigos. They did EVERYTHING together. They were like the Ricardos and the Mertz's. They celebrated birthdays, holidays, weekend barbecues, dinner parties, you name it.

(Pause)

Until one fateful day, when everything went wrong. So very wrong. I can't get into it for legal reasons, but the Montagues know what they did, those dirty scumbags. After that the friendship was ruined. Kaput. Done. And they never spoke again. But resentment harbored. The ill feelings grew. The hatred became real, people. Very real. And that's when the Capulets decided they'd had enough.

SETTING: A LUXURIOUS BACKYARD, 16 YEARS LATER, WHERE MR. AND MRS. CAPULET ARE SUNNING THEMSELVES ON LOUNGE CHAIRS AND SIPPING MARTINIS.

LADY CAPULET: So, I was thinking about this thing with the Montagues. I'm wondering if its time we put an end to this.

LORD CAPULET: An end? What, like make peace?

LADY CAPULET: *scowls* get serious. Absolutely not, I don't want to make peace with them. Remember how we said we'd always get revenge? (Pause as an evil smile creeps upon her face) My love, it's time.

LORD CAPULET: *grins* oh, I've never loved you more. What did you have in mind?

LADY CAPULET: Well, first we need Juliet's help. Is she awake yet?

LORD CAPULET: *checks watch* I mean, it's only 11.30, so likely not.

Just then, Juliet appears in the doorway, dressed in pajamas and holding a mug of coffee. She walks in and sits down across from her parents. She sips from the coffee mug and begins to speak.

JULIET: So what do you need my help with, exactly?

LADY CAPULET: Juliet! So nice of you to join us. Did you sleep well?

JULIET: *rolls eyes* ugh, really? *Pauses* lets stop the fake shit. You couldn't give a rats ass about how I slept, or anything involving my well being, for that matter. Just tell me what you want so I can see what's in it for me and then go about my day.

LADY CAPULET: *shrugs* fair enough. So, do you remember years ago when we told you to avoid that Montague boy across the street like the plague?

JULIET: Oh yeah. Probably the best advice you've ever given me. What a loser. (SETTING CHANGES TO CLOSE UP OF A TYPICAL GROSS TEENAGE BOY'S ROOM. ROMEO LAYS ON UNMADE, MESSY BED, SMOKING A JOINT AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, THEN CUTS BACK TO CAPULETS IN BACKYARD)

LADY CAPULET: Well, we want to... get rid of him. And in order to do that, we need you to seduce him.

JULIET: Ew. Seriously? Seduce him? That's fucking gross. No way. *Shudders, stands up to leave* You people are nasty.

LADY CAPULET: Juliet, please, darling, just hear us out.

JULIET: (haughtily) And why should I do this, exactly?

LORD CAPULET: Well, I happen to know a boy who shares a name with a pretentious city who might care about your choice.

JULIET: Paris? What's he got to do with this?

SETTING: ANOTHER MONTAGE OF JULIET AND PARIS ACTING COUPLEY AND IN LOVE- KISSING, SITTING AT THE BEACH, RIDING IN PARIS’ PORSCHE, SHOPPING. PARIS IS EXTREMELY EFFEMINATE.

JULIET: (Narrating over montage) Paris is the love of my life. He was so smooth, so handsome. He could be railing me from behind one minute and helping me pick out a fabulous pair of shoes the next. There was just no one else in the world like him… and no one can rock a three piece suit with Gucci slides quite like my man (SETTING JUMPS BACK TO CAPULETS BACKYARD)

LORD CAPULET: I mean, I could just kill him. *shrugs* He and Romeo can die together. This way it won’t even cut into my tee time.

JULIET: You wouldn’t.

LORD CAPULET: Oh, wouldn’t I? *Gives Juliet a sinister stare* I’m not sure you want to test me on this, dear daughter.

JULIET: Ugh, you guys suck so much. *Grudgingly sits down* Alright, how are we doing this? I’m telling you right now, there’s no way I can be sober for this shit.

LADY CAPULET: Fine, that’s fine. We’ll figure out the logistics later. First we have to get you two properly acquainted. I was thinking we’d have a party here next week where you can introduce yourselves. I’m thinking it should be a costume party, sort of anything goes, you know? Then, we can….”

LADY CAPULET’S VOICE TRAILS OFF AS LORD CAPULET LOOKS EXCITED AND JULIET LOOKS SKEPTICAL.

SETTING: EXTERIOR OF MONTAGUE’S HOME, 3 DAYS LATER. FADE TO INTERIOR, LADY MONTAGUE IS SEEN IN A GRANDIOSE LIVING ROOM SORTING THROUGH A PILE OF MAIL. ONE PIECE IN PARTICULAR STANDS OUT. SHE SHRIEKS, STANDS UP AND RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM.

LADY MONTAGUE: My love? My love, where are you?

SETTING CHANGES TO INTERIOR OF A DEN, WHERE LORD MONTAGUE IS SEEN KISSING A MAID WHEN HE HEARS LADY MONTAGUE CALLING FOR HIM. HE QUICKLY SHOVES THE MAID AWAY FROM HIM AND ADJUSTS HIMSELF, SITTING DOWN BEHIND A GIANT DESK. MAID SILENTLY LEAVES ADJUSTING HER SKIRT AND PULLING IT O UT OF THE WAISTBAND OF HER SKIRT AS LADY MONTAGUE WALKS IN.

LADY MONTAGUE: Look what we received in the mail today! (THRUSTS ENVELOPE ONTO LORD MONTAGUE’S DESK AND SITS DOWN)

LORD MONTAGUE: (READS THE INVITATION FROM THE CAPULETS AND GIVES LADY MONTAGUE A SKEPTICAL GLANCE) And what the hell is this supposed to be?

LADY MONTAGUE: I have no idea. I thought maybe you knew something about it.

LORD MONTAGUE: Why would I know anything about this? I haven’t spoken to them in over 15 years. Fuck those guys. (LOOKS AT LADY MONTAGUE) Right? I mean, it would be weird to go. Wouldn’t it?

LADY MONTAGUE: (shrugs) I don’t know. Maybe its time to let bygones be bygones.

LORD MONTAGUE: You’re way too soft for your own good, you know that? Besides, what if another…. Incident occurs? Last time the litigation took forever, I don’t know if I feel like dealing with all of that BS again.

LADY MONTAGUE: Yeah, that’s a good point. Besides, we certainly don’t want our son being associated with the likes of… her across the street.

LORD MONTAGUE: Ah, of course. Little skank. I wonder if her parents know what a slut she is. (Pauses) Though she is starting to look pretty good. Say, is she 18 yet?

LADY MONTAGUE: (stands up, appalled) I have no idea. Furthermore, you’re disgusting. (Throws invitation in trash can, leaves office) See you later!

LORD MONTAGUE: Yeah, later.

SETTING: ROMEO’S ROOM, DAY BEFORE THE PARTY. ROMEO AND MERCUTIO ARE SITTING ON THE BED, PASSING A JOINT BACK AND FORTH PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.

ROMEO: Yo, you suck at this game dude.

MERCUTIO: Screw you dude, I can get it back.

ROMEO: Whatever. You’re gonna go down like a hooker trying to make rent! (VIDEO GAME NOISES ENSUE, ROMEO WINS)

MERCUTIO: DAMMIT! That’s 3 out of 4. I’m done with this game. (PUTS JOINT OUT) So, have you heard about this party at the Capulets Manor tomorrow night?

ROMEO: The Capulets? Haha, my parents hate those guys.

MERCUTIO: Why?

ROMEO: I honestly have no idea. I don’t care though, Juliet’s hot as fuck. My window actually looks out over onto her balcony, I see her out there all the time sunbathing. (Smiles) most of the time, she’s topless.

MERCUTIO: You know she’s with Paris, right? (Pauses) I mean, as much as Paris is with any girl.

ROMEO: What do you mean?

MERCUTIO: (laughs) I mean, my boy Tybault told me that Paris is actually into him and Juliet is his beard and has no idea But he’s totally gay.

ROMEO: (gives MERCUTIO a skeptical look) You’re so full of shit dude.

MERCUTIO: (shrugs) Fine, don’t believe me. But if you want to see for yourself and maybe get some action, you should come to this party with me tomorrow. It’s a costume ball, so you could wear a mask and no one would even know it was you.

ROMEO: Actually that could be fun. Yo, that would go so far up my dad’s ass if we went to their house! I’m down.

MERCUTIO: Cool. I’ll meet you out front of their house around 9. Be sure to wear your mask though, otherwise they might recognize you and not let you in.