Filthy logo

Are You Good in Bed?

What would your past lovers say about you?

By Susan McCordPublished 7 years ago 4 min read
Are you a Good Lover?

If you don’t want to hear the answer to this question, chances are you may not be that good in bed! Becoming a good lover starts from wanting to be.

Have you ever noticed how some people just ooze sensuality by the way they walk, talk, dress, their mannerisms & body language? By showing this sexual confidence, there is a very good chance they are “in tune” to the sensuous side of themselves! (Or they could be just a really great actor!)

That is not to say that quiet introverted types are boring in bed; it is just more work to find out on those first few dates. Sexual chemistry needs to be there early on for most people to continue seeing someone. Although; you might want to hang around and find out if there is a subtle mystery about them.

Many people are attracted to the cover of the book before reading it and assume the contents inside are worth purchasing. We all know that is not always the case!

It is really important to learn how to talk to your partner about sex before you get between the sheets. We all have different needs & preferences which may or may not be of interest to the other partner.

Many things can be learned about each other when the questions are relayed gently & diplomatically without the pressure of nudity.

If someone is into S&M, fantasy role playing, threesomes or fetishes, it is sex etiquette 101 to tell your partner beforehand. Blindsiding them with your Zorro cape & whip in the bedroom may not be the best idea.

When you are just getting to know someone, how does a person comfortably bring up “Sex” in a conversation?

  • Do not discuss sex on the first date. Get to know them a little first. You don't even know if you really like them yet!
  • Kiss them first before any sexual discussions begins; you have to like “how” they kiss so that you know if there is any chemistry between you both.
  • Ask them what is important to them romantically.
  • Tell them where some of your erogenous zones are.
  • Send them an email or text with a sexy message.
  • Tease them with tasteful flirtatious comments.
  • A little liquid courage always helps. Loosen up with a glass of wine & ask them what is most important to them in a sexual relationship.
  • Tell them what you desire most in the bedroom, what makes you feel special.
  • Watch their body language when discussing sex ~ is it tense or relaxed?
  • Start slowly with the sex questions & know when to back off.

Why do some people seem to have an easier time with sexual discussions and having confidence in the bedroom?

The more dating or relationship experience you have will help build your self esteem to higher levels. Personal insecurities are the main reason that many men & women do not get past the first few dates.

Being nervous or shy will keep you from feeling comfortable "to ask or answer the questions." This takes time to develop so don't be hard on yourself if discussing sex isn't in your comfort zone right away. There are many online resources or dating/relationship coaches that can help you with this should it continue to be a problem within your love life.

Have you ever noticed how “happy people” seem to have a little swagger in their presence? That is because they are usually having regular sex! Disgruntled people often have a void of sexual intimacy in their lives & they are lonely because of it.

This can become a repetitive cycle because the negativity worsens with each passing month of a sexless existence. (It would be great if we could just walk up & sniff our prey like the animal kingdom, but unfortunately the human population is much more complicated than that.)

Ask yourself if you really like sex. If you can “take it or leave it” you may need to alter that thinking!

So many people make the mistake of not making sex/romance a priority in their relationships & wonder why their partner doesn’t want to come home to them or takes on a lover!

Find out what has turned you off and try to fix the problem. A nonexistent sex life is not going improve your relationship or your everyday moral. Sex is a feel good part of life and when it is removed, you lose a part of yourself with it.

How many times have you heard people say: “She/he needs to get laid?” It’s because they usually do!

12 Important Questions to ask “yourself” about your bedroom antics:

  1. Are you an initiator?
  2. How secure are you with your body?
  3. Do you show your partner that you are enjoying sex?
  4. Can your partner tell when you have an orgasm?
  5. Are you adventurous or repetitive?
  6. Do you vary the location or prefer sex only in the bedroom?
  7. Do you make eye contact when making love?
  8. Do you think “head nods” towards the bedroom are foreplay?
  9. Are you a communicator in bed?
  10. How loud are you in bed ~ do they put a pillow over your head?
  11. Are you too quick to climax or too slow?
  12. Do you enjoy oral sex or do you have a hang-up about it?

Answering these questions truthfully can help you understand how you really are in the bedroom. Practicing them regularly will not only improve your sex life it will make you a great lover that your partner wants to run home to.

It will put a spring in your step that will also put one in theirs.

An active sex life is the key to a long & healthy relationship. Ask an older couple who has been married for many years what their secret is & you can bet that their sex life has always been an active one.

Romance is also the remedy to staying young. It may not keep you wrinkle free but it will always keep a smile on your face with each approaching year.

Susan McCord @ The Dear Sybersue Talk Show

advicerelationshipssexual wellnesshow to

About the Creator

Susan McCord

Susan McCord (Dear Sybersue) is a Dating/Relationship Advice Show Host, Author, Certified Coach & Advice Columnist. She is a mature woman with young sassy attitude! She’s been there done that, has so many T-shirts she can open a store!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights


There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.