Traveling Salesman

It is the night of the hallowed Hallow’s eve, and you are rested on your sofa in front of your television by the fireplace. You are munching on a bowl of freshly popped buttered popcorn and sipping away on a cold can of sizzling carbonated soda. You await the next ring of the doorbell to hand out miniature candy bars to passing kids dressed as monsters and ghouls.

The night is coming near an end as the frequency of the door bell’s chimes fade to the screams of your midnight horror flick playing on the screen of your rabbit ear television.

Instead of a ring, you hear a persistent knock. KNOCK…KNOCK…KNOCK…KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. The sound startles you as you jump, knocking your popcorn all over the ground. You take a moment to catch your breath before going to the door. The nearly empty bowl sitting with only two Mr. Goodbars left, calls out to your still shaking hand. You pick the bowl up before opening the door to greet who you expect to be the last trick-or-treaters for the night.

Hello there my good sir or gal. Whoever you may be, I’m the one who can fulfill your need.

A lanky tall man stands in your doorway, dressed in a suit from the 50’s that is much too big for his stature. His thinning hair is greased down on top of his balding head as his small face is framed out in thick black framed coke bottle glasses. The man steps forward, closer to you inside your home to continue his sales pitch.

Now what is that need you ask? Well it is none other than the dastardly nuisance of the unreachable dust bunny. You of course may know what I speak of. May I come in to show you what I am talking about?

You are hesitant to let the man come in your home on such a spooky night to finish his sales pitch. You decide to shut the door a little on the traveling salesman as you continue to hear his speech in hopes of figuring out the something that is very unusual about his appearance that has you intrigued.

Not sold yet, I see. No worries, I have to get this sale, and so I will. Let me show you the magic of the vacuum broom. It’s a vacuum and broom all-in-one. The detachable broom allows you to vacate all the dust from underneath those hard to reach places. Then all you have to do is simply suck up the mess with the power of the motorized vacuum. With the Vacuum Broom 3000 all your troubles are solved. So, what do you say?

Vacuum broom? You think to yourself. There was no sales pitch that could get you to purchase a vacuum broom. Especially not on a night like this. The creeps of the salesman turn you off to the curiosity of his appearance as you kindly decline the man’s offer. As you do so, you close the door on the salesman who had now at this time inched his way into the door frame of your home.

Instead of simply moving out of the way and backing down onto the front porch to make his next attempt at your neighbor’s house, the door shuts right on the salesman. By shut, I mean literally. The door passes through the salesman, leaving his body suspended on either side of it like a ghost from the beyond.

Chills are sent down your spine as you are frozen in fright. The salesman steps inside your home as you back away deeper into your living room.

Like I said before. I have to get this sale. You see, my wife left me, when I was unable to meet my sales quota last month. She decide to hop in Bill’s Cadillac instead. You see, Bill was the top salesman last month, and my sweet Pearl just can resist the shiny things one can afford, when they meet their sales quotas.

In this moment your heart is racing and your whole body is sweating in a cold chill. You don’t know, that you have been visited by the traveling salesman. An innocent meek man who so desperately wishes to regain his wife. The only problem is that he is far behind his sales quota, his wife is gone, and oh yeah, that’s right; he’s dead. In the grief of his wife’s departure, the man killed himself with his overstocked supply of unsold Vacuum Broom 3000s.

Now he travels door to door trying to offload his cursed supply of Vacuum Brooms in hopes of getting his wife back. The only problem is that the temperamental man never seems to meet his quota. Could it be that a ghost can’t cash in on a sale? Or is it perhaps that any potential client that turns him down is beat to an early grave with the pipe of a Vacuum Broom 3000?

Unfortunately for you, you won’t find out. As you will join the haunted list of those who turned down the sale of the traveling salesman.

Have a spooky Halloween.

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