Breaking the Silence

The enchanted forest was all abuzz; true love’s kiss had awoken the princess, the evil queen was dead, and it was all anyone could talk about. Yet, behind the cheers and merriment, whispers and rumors lurked in the shadows. Suspicions had been raised regarding the circumstances of the queen’s death, and the only information the Enchanted Forest’s Sheriff’s Department would provide was that it had been ruled an accident.

Miranda Blue, the newest investigative journalist at the Enchanted Gazette, was determined to be the first to get the scoop, and she knew exactly who to go to for an unbiased, or rather, brutally honest, account of what had happened. Two hours after she spoke with her potential lead over the phone, Miranda knocked on the door of the cozy cottage located deep in the forest.

“Hi, are you Grumpy?” Miranda asked the small man dressed in red, who answered the door with a scowl on his pudgy, bearded face.

“Who are you, and what do you want?” the little man asked.

“My name is Miranda. We spoke over the phone earlier about the miraculous recovery of the princess. You said we could meet in person, so here I am.”

“Oh, yeah, I remember now. Well, come on in, I guess,” Grumpy responded while muttering, “I knew that girl would be trouble. Let one woman into your home, and the rest flock to your door.”

Miranda chuckled as she walked through the door of the tiny cottage. “He really was as grumpy as his name suggested,” she thought.

Grumpy led Miranda to an intricately carved kitchen table and chairs. She could tell that everything inside this magical and efficient tiny home had not only been carved by hand but had been done so with great care. Miranda sat down in one of the little wooden chairs and asked, “Do you mind if I record our conversation?”

With a few grumbles, Grumpy replied, “No, I don’t mind. Do you want some water or something? We’ve got clean glasses right now; better use ‘em while you can.”

“Yes, I would love a glass of water, thank you. So, where is everyone else?” Miranda asked as she placed her recording device, a couple of pens, some paper, and her list of questions on the table.

“Oh, they are out picking berries or something. I didn’t want to go with them. Sometimes it’s nice to get a little peace and quiet.” Grumpy replied as he placed a glass of water in front of Miranda.

“I completely understand regarding the peace and quiet. I can never seem to get enough of that myself,” Miranda said as she sipped her water. “Are you ready to get started?”

“I sure am. The sooner we get started, the sooner it will be quiet again,” Grumpy responded as he sat across the table from Miranda.

“Great, let’s start with a few questions about you. Is your real name actually Grumpy?”

Grumpy let out a long sigh, stroked his graying beard, and looked at Miranda with one eyebrow raised. “No, Grumpy isn’t my real name. My real name is Maximus. I don’t know why everyone started calling me Grumpy. I’m not grumpy; I’m a realist. Most people just aren’t smart enough to know the difference. There are rumors that I was once called Dreamy, which is ridiculous. Folks say I fell in love, and after a broken heart, I became angry and jaded, but that’s a bunch of made-up stuff.”

“Oh, I hadn’t heard that,” Miranda replied. “So, what’s it like living with so many other dwarves? There are seven of you, correct?”

“Well, that’s a ridiculous question. What do you think it’s like living with six other little men?” Grumpy replied, rolling his eyes. “It’s terrible; that’s what it is. Happy is always telling me to cheer up. Always telling me to smile. Always saying, ‘It takes more muscles to frown, so turn that frown upside down.’ No, it doesn’t. It takes far more muscles to smile; that’s why your face hurts if you smile too much. Not to mention, people who walk around smiling all the time look crazy. Ever think of that?”

“No, I had never considered that,” Miranda replied with half a chuckle. “So, is Happy always happy?”

“He is, and it gets on everyone’s nerves. Did you know that Doc isn’t really a doctor? He went to college, so he knows a lot of stuff. More importantly, though, he is the only one of us who can seem to put a band-aid on straight, and he knows how to take our temperatures and tend to us if we get the sniffles. Speaking of sniffles, don’t even get me started on Sneezy—that one with all his allergies blowing snot and spittle everywhere. It’s gross.

“Sleepy doesn’t bother me much unless we are at work, we work in the mines, in case you didn’t know, and that job can be dangerous, so we don’t let him near any dangerous equipment. That guy can fall asleep anywhere; no one needs that paperwork nightmare.”

“Yes, I have heard that you and your six roommates work in the mines. I have also heard that you have a great voice and that all of you sing and whistle together quite frequently while you work. That must be nice,” Miranda added.

She almost managed to get a smile out of the grumpy little dwarf with her compliment, but he corrected himself quickly. “No, it isn’t nice. It passes the time and makes Dopey happy.”

Miranda could tell he was trying to save face. “Wouldn’t want to tarnish the grumpy reputation.” she thought to herself with a giggle.

“Now, Dopey, that’s a kid who deserves his name. He isn’t the brightest diamond in the mine, if you know what I mean. He’s my brother’s kid. We took him in because he couldn’t find work anywhere else. My brother is a swordsmith. He was afraid Dopey would hurt himself or cut off a limb working around all those sharp objects, so he asked me to take him in and get him a job. Like working in a mine with a pickaxe is any safer. Yeah, that apple didn’t fall far from that tree. He’s a nice kid, though. He makes the guys laugh with his silliness and doesn’t talk, which is always a bonus.

"Bashful doesn’t bother me much, either. He’s just a little shy, but he’s quiet too. There hasn’t been much of that around here, quiet that is, since that princess came. Even when she was asleep, people were constantly coming and going just to see her in her glass case. I’m happy she’s ok, but I’m much happier she isn’t around anymore.”

Miranda could tell by the way Grumpy fussed with his hat, scratched his beard, and looked down at the floor that he probably missed her, but she didn’t want to embarrass him by pointing that out. “So, what can you tell me about Snow White? How did she end up here with all of you?”

“Well, I don’t know much. I know she got into some trouble with her stepmother, the evil queen. I guess the evil queen sent a woodchopper to kill the princess, but he let her escape. Eventually, she found her way here and brought a horde of animals along with her.

“She just showed up. When we came home from work one day, all the lights were on in our house, and the door was left wide open. We, well, I wasn’t, but the other guys were scared out of their wits. We didn’t know what to expect when we entered the house. We were afraid someone had robbed us, but instead, the whole place had been cleaned and tidied up. Who does that?

“Then we heard a noise from upstairs, so we sent Dopey to check it out. He doesn’t know any better. Eventually, we all went upstairs, and there she was, asleep in our beds. I guess all that cleaning wore her out. Honestly, we should have called the Sheriff and had her arrested for breaking and entering right there and then,” Grumpy said as he crossed his arms defiantly.

“Well, I imagine it was a bit of a shock to find a stranger in your home, but coming home to a clean house must have been nice. I certainly wouldn’t mind that,” Miranda replied half-jokingly.

“No, it wasn’t nice; it was terrible! I don’t like people going through my stuff and touching my unmentionables. Not to mention she had all those animals traipsing through our house. I saw their little footprints everywhere, and Happy said I was making it up, but I just knew one of those birds had pooped on my pillow. That certainly wasn’t pleasant.”

Not laughing at this little man was becoming more difficult. Grumpy glared at Miranda while she slowly took a couple of sips from her water in order to compose herself. “So, what did the other dwarfs think of Snow White?” Miranda finally asked.

“They liked her. I warned them, though. I warned them about the wicked ways of women and the trouble they bring, but they didn’t want to listen. Given how pretty she was, they were all smitten, and none of them were thinking straight. Bashful could barely speak a word the whole time she was here. She even put vases full of fresh flowers all over the place. We had to listen to Sneezy go on for hours after that.

“We haven’t had anyone to take care of us for a long time, so I guess that part was good, but I didn’t like how bossy she was. She made us wash up before dinner, and since I didn’t want to, the other guys ganged up on me and forced me to do it. I don’t like being told what to do.

“After we ate the soup she made, which wasn’t very good, Happy had the brilliant idea to do a sing-along, which meant them all singing and dancing around the house. I played the piano; I wasn’t about to look like a fool like the rest of them. See, this is how these women get you. They bat their eyelashes at you, make you laugh, and the next thing you know, you’re in love. Well, I wasn’t having any of that. Always best to keep your distance.

“Once they were all tired out from all the dancing and singing, the other guys asked her to tell them a bedtime story. Of course, since she’s a girl, she tells a sappy story about a prince coming to save her. What is it with you women, and your unrealistic dreams? You’re a girl; I’m sure you understand,” Grumpy looked at Miranda with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised like he was hoping to get an answer, but she didn’t have one.

“Well, anyway, so our house was clean, the guys were all smitten, we actually ate a decent meal, and everyone had fun dancing and singing. It was tolerable until it wasn’t. What really boiled my potatoes was when Doc had the brilliant idea for us to give up our beds so she could sleep in them. Sometimes he isn’t as smart as he looks. I just couldn’t believe it.

"So, a princess breaks into our home, goes through our personal belongings, bosses us around, and we are supposed to give up our beds? Hogwash! I slept in a pot! Bashful slept in a cabinet.”

“Oh my, that does sound terrible,” Miranda responded, feigning shock. “So, what can you tell me about the day Snow White fell into her slumber?”

“Well, we all woke up early as usual. The princess made us porridge for breakfast and made us all wash our hands again. Like we got dirty while we were sleeping,” Grumpy exclaimed as he rolled his eyes.

“As we were leaving to go to work, she stood at the door wishing us all a good day. I stopped and tried to warn her. I had a funny feeling in my beard that morning. I just had this feeling that the evil queen was up to something, so I tried to warn the princess to be careful of who she opened the door for and told her not to stray too far into the woods. I’ll tell you what, she almost had me convinced with her sweet and innocent routine. Making our meals, cleaning, telling us bedtime stories, and all that.

“Yup, she almost had me convinced. Until she tried to seduce me with a kiss goodbye as I went out the door. I don’t know if she thought I was her prince charming or what she was thinking. I guess it’s understandable; I am a lot more handsome than the other guys and probably hard to resist, but still, I don’t understand the logic of you women.”

Miranda couldn’t help it; she laughed out loud. A laugh so deep that she had to place her hand over her mouth to try and calm down. This certainly wasn’t the conversation she expected to have when they agreed to meet in person. “Oh, my, that does sound horrible. So, what happened next? How did you guys know she was in trouble?” Miranda finally asked.

“Well, we were at work, and along came those pesky birds. They were chirping and fluttering about until we finally got the clue that something must be wrong. So, we followed those birds. Probably the same ones who pooped on my pillow, by the way. Next thing we knew, we saw the queen disguised as an old crone running through the forest. We chased after her. She ran up a rocky embankment. The rock she was standing on broke, and she fell. That was that; she was dead.”

“Oh, so it really was an accident then?” Miranda asked.

“Well, of course, it was. What did you think? One of us killed her?” Grumpy defensively jumped up from his chair in a state of shock. “We didn’t like her, but we wouldn’t resort to that kind of violence,” he said as he pointed his chubby finger at her. “It was an accident, and I can’t think of anyone who will say they will miss her either. She was a terrible person and an even worse queen.”

“So, what happened next?” Miranda asked, relieved that they hadn’t intentionally killed the queen. Despite all his rough edges, she liked Grumpy.

“After the queen’s fatal fall, we rushed back home. Once we got there, we saw Snow White lying on the ground. The poisoned apple was on the ground beside her with one bite taken out. We hurried over to her and tried to wake her up, but she wasn’t responding. We called the Sherriff and an ambulance, and once they got to the house, they confirmed what we feared.

“Doc was the one who decided to put her in the glass case. He said it would be a shame if everyone didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her. We endured all sorts of people and animals walking on our property at all hours to pay their respects. Thankfully, that prince finally showed up, kissed her, and she woke up.

“The prince took her to an actual doctor, not a doctor like the dwarf who lives here. The doctor told her to rest for a few days, and she would be good. So, that’s pretty much everything that happened.”

“Wow, that definitely sounds like an adventure. I am glad everyone is ok,” Miranda responded just as the door opened, and six more little men tumbled into the house, singing and laughing.

“Great, there goes my peace and quiet,” Grumpy said under his breath.

“I’m sorry I took up so much of your time, but I appreciate you talking to me. Just give me a few minutes, and I will be on my way.” Miranda said while packing up her stuff.

“Well, hello there. Whom might you be?” Doc asked Miranda.

“Hi, you must be Doc. My name is Miranda. I am a reporter for the Enchanted Gazette. Grumpy was kind enough to answer some questions about Snow White.”

“Oh, well, if you have any other questions, I would be more than happy to help,” Doc replied.

“Me too,” Happy said.

“Me too,” Sneezy said while holding in a sneeze.

Bashful hid behind Doc, and Sleepy and Dopey just smiled at Miranda without saying a word.

“Well, thank you, all of you, but I think, for now, I have everything I need. I have to be on my way now, but if I need anything else, I will be sure to let you all know,” Miranda said as she made her way to the door.

As soon as Miranda closed the door on her way out, she dropped her bag. While she picked up the pens and pencils that fell out of the side pocket, she heard one of the little men say, “You, you didn’t tell her what really happened, did you, Grumpy?”

“Of course, I didn’t, you buffoon. Now you start talking? You haven’t talked your whole life, and you pick now to start talking? She can probably hear you,” Grumpy responded, giving Dopey the stink eye as he rushed to the window to see if Miranda was still out there. Thankfully, he didn’t see her.

“Oh good, ok,” Dopey whispered very loudly. “Because you said no one must know that while we were chasing the queen, the prince was chasing her too, and when she ran to the top of that embankment, the prince pushed her off. And no one could know that Snow White took a bite of a poisoned apple that she made herself so she could fake her own death and that the prince had the antidote for the poison on his lips so that when he kissed her, she would wake up. If anyone found out that it was really the prince and Snow White who killed the queen, then we would be in big trouble since Snow White told us that if we told anyone, she and the prince would kill us,” Dopey said, exasperated as the words left him all in one breath as if he had been holding the truth trapped inside him his whole life.

“DOPEY, STOP TALKING!!!!” All the dwarves yelled at the same time. Meanwhile, Dopey just stood there smiling, brimming with pride that he had finally talked.

Miranda walked away as quickly and quietly as possible. Once she was at a safe enough distance away, she sat down next to a tree to catch her breath. She couldn’t believe Grumpy had lied to her. “Should I say something to the Sherriff? Would he even believe me? Should I tell the dwarves I heard what Dopey said? If I did tell the Sheriff, would the dwarves get into trouble or be in danger? Why had the prince and Snow White killed the queen? Was it for money? Was it to overtake the throne? Was the queen even really evil? Oh, what a conundrum. What happened to Happily Ever After?” Miranda exclaimed out loud to no one.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The End ~ ~ ~ ~ ~