What is Going On in Restaurants?

We’ve all seen the post of the modified Starbucks drink going around. Anyone in the restaurant industry will meet this story and raise you one way worse.

As someone who worked for Starbucks Coffee Company, I know they don’t like that kind of attention. Customer care and satisfaction are at their core values. They may not think you’re always right or reasonable, but they will do anything they can to make you happy. Including make your obnoxious drink order with a smile. Should they have to?

If they can’t make you happy, they will do everything in their power to recover your service experience. They want to keep you coming back to that comforting “third place" they foster so well. It’s not home, it’s not work, but Starbucks is that third place that feels comfortable and familiar in the same way.

They put up with your shitty orders to preserve that. Genius. They also build success from within and value low turnover. That means at least one barista, in at least one of the Starbucks in town, knows your shitty order by heart.

You fucking love that, and it sparks massive irritation every time you’re forced to get your fix outside of your usual stomping grounds.

They can’t get it right or don’t want to accommodate what a giant asshole you’re being. It’s upsetting, and the next time you’re “home," you tip Drew the barista a big $5 instead of your usual $1. That other place, total nightmare!

Now what? Drew is stuck forever. He’s wholly fucked if any policies change or upcharges that apply to your order are implemented. You’ll freak out and goodbye $5 a day in tips. His moral compass on that new .35 charge for extra caramel is about to get real slippery before he ends up crying, doing whippets in the walk-in.

Because Drew fucking did it, now everyone has to, in every coffee shop in town, or their tips are penalized, and business may decrease. We all fucking hate Drew and yet become him every day.

I’ve been a manager in two different, unrelated restaurants in the same town for years. I also serve tables, so I’ve gotten a lot of complaints about myself to myself.

It has driven me to dark, bleak places. You’ve drained my will to live and hope in humanity with your endless complaining, dietary restrictions, and pre-printed allergen cards. Ugh, you’re the worst.

Customers have grown so accustomed to complaining to me and asking me for help that some of them do it when I run into them at the grocery store or out in public. They complain to me regardless of which restaurant I’m in.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate a reasonable complaint about your dry quiche from the morning…over your plate of spaghetti at night… I do. You are right. The quiche is gluten-free and gross, just like you were told when you ordered it. I can’t give you free Chicken Parm to replace your quiche.

There are inevitable theatrics to working in a restaurant, no doubt. We’re performing for you and providing a great dining experience with friendly care to meet your needs. But, all your needs? Anything you want?

We’re there to take your order from a predetermined menu and deliver your food as our guest. That’s what we should do and what we should be paid to do in a friendly manner. Entertainment and satisfaction are entirely relative but have somehow crept into how we decide to reward wait staff.

Awareness has grown with people like the bitchy waiter (https://thebitchywaiter.com/) and countless online accounts mocking dreadful customers and the crazy tip culture of the industry. They do not lack material for a reason. People will judge you, feel superior, and, based on their predetermined idea of “good service," reward or penalize you with a few coins tossed in your pathetic server hat.

I’m not for everyone. Most days I work, I’m pretty sure life is meaningless.

Some people don’t like my face. You’re pissed off before I say a single word. You won’t tip well. We don’t have all the ingredients to make the horror drink you ordered from Drew so, you won’t tip well.

Tableside interactions are among the most inauthentic you’ll ever have.

My voice shifts into a sing-song tone like I’m coaxing a frightened animal to my arms, and it gains unreasonable decibels. That part’s an after-effect from all the years I had to talk loud enough at my tables for the new trainees, posing as active employees, to hear since we didn’t have time to train them. I’m fake as fuck.

Like any relationship of service is at risk for, the dynamic between server and patron has become wildly out of balance.

You hear restaurant vets say that everyone should have to work in a restaurant at some point in their life. Why? Because you get treated like shit. We think it’s a normal and character-building experience. We don’t have to keep doing that hoping the next generation will understand and be better.

On some level, we love that you are terrible because it gives us something to laugh about. But, the grown-ass men supporting families on minimum wage in the kitchen are not your personal chef. We aren’t your servants. We are serving you food.

Tipping has a startling history here in the US. We should acknowledge that. I didn’t realize that it has strong roots in racist garbage. It’s bananas.

In a USA Today article, they reference a Nov. 24 tweet from UberFacts said: "Tipping became popular in the U.S., in part, because restaurant owners didn’t want to pay black Americans after the ratification of the 15th Amendment. This way, owners could set a $0 wage for waiters and rely on voluntary tips from customers to pay them."

The article is super interesting; you should read it. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/factcheck/2020/12/16/fact-check-tipping-kept-wages-low-formerly-enslaved-black-workers/3896620001/

This bothers me.

I want to know why we have a fundamental system in our society born from superiority and elitism alive and well? Is this who we are and want to be? Obviously, this is one of many problem areas, but it’s one I didn’t know about.

If an industry, chock-full of white people, still embodies racists tenancies in our country and perpetuates the racist habits we created, what on earth do you think happens everywhere else and with people from that group?

In no way am I suggesting that I am treated with racism. It doesn’t happen to me. I am one of the whitest humans you’ll ever meet. My hair is orange, my skin is almost see-through, and my eyes are bright blue. I’m super white.

What you do, so you are. We practice something rooted in one of the most embarrassing mistakes we’ve made as a country. Shame lives there. We need to break from that.

It is a common mistake for guests to refer to their server as their “servant." The words are similar; some people don’t mean it that way. Some of you mother fuckers, do.

Which shows. An older woman called to see if it was okay to bring her black friend to her reservation later that evening- or can they just work there?

This is Boulder County; why is that a question anyone is asking in this century? The whole thing smells bad. Why are we still doing this? Does no one notice?

It’s like telling someone with a giant scar across their face, “You can hardly tell; no one will notice.” Everyone notices. They may feel different ways about it or interact with it their own way, but they notice it.

I don’t have a solution. I’m part of the problem. I’ve listened to good owners battle through how to best care for their people. It’s hard to know how to change this without inadvertently causing harm to a business or people’s livelihoods. I make a lot of money with this system.

I wish yesterday was my last day working in a restaurant. I have tried to improve myself so that I can pivot away from food. I’m working on it; I can’t leave yet. It’s the golden handcuffs. I’ve struggled to find another career where I can make the same money.

There are a lot of people and things I love about working in a restaurant. I’ve made amazing friendships and lifelong relationships with people on both sides of the table. Not everyone who says they have allergies is a big, fat liar. We know that, and we love to see you every day.

It comes at a price, though. Getting treated like shit.

Can we at least start the conversation?

Make a minimum percentage that you tip no matter what. Good or bad, 18–20% every time? Start there. If you sit down to eat at a restaurant and picture yourself in a hoitty toitty rich person outfit at a giant banquet table as people wait on you hand and foot with silver trays, you’re probably off base. If you’re thinking about whether their performance pleases you and deserves reward or has displeased you and will be punished, you’re a douche.

Don’t hold servers accountable like they are your servants. Stop modifying the shit out of everything.

Start asking how we can do better.