Veganism Sucks

by Katelynd Vermeer 2 years ago in vegan

Reasons Why You Should Never Go Vegan

Veganism Sucks

Let me just start off by saying, veganism is on the rise, you know it, I know it, the vegan population has grown by over 600% in the US in the last five years. With that comes a lot of truth, and a lot of lies about what it means to be vegan and the effect it has on you and the world around you. I just wanted to clear the air a little bit and address some of the reasons why it is NOT a good idea to go vegan from experience.

1. Feeling great after you eat but when you wake up and when you go to bed it sucks. Honestly, what am I supposed to do with all of this extra energy? Do you think I want to be happy and healthy all the damn time?! Ew. I seriously miss the days when I sat on the couch, or in a restaurant, or in my car, and just inhaled animal products and saturated fat and carcinogens like it was my job. My favorite part was afterwards when I would be extremely bloated, tired, and constipated...the good ol' days. Now that my food is actually helping my body rather than hindering it, my time on the toilet is cut in half. I am losing precious toilet phone time! I sit down and I am back up a minute later, no more getting to level 100 on my games and no more using the toilet as an excuse for an extra break at work. It's like my healthy bowels are out to get me.

2. Loving animals is really hard... being a meat eater was great, I could say that I loved animals and then I could pick and choose which ones I really cared about. Mostly just dogs, cats, and other house pets. I could then go home and cook up some dead chickens, cows, and pigs guilt free because they didn't fall into the "animals that deserve my love" category. Humans are only born with enough compassion for a select few breeds of animals don't you know? Now I have this weight lifted off my shoulders, all of that suffering and pain I was taking part in was weighing pretty heavy, and I have nothing to weigh my shoulders down. My damn shoulders are about to detach from my body and fly away because they are so light, what am I going to do without shoulders, people!?

3. I hate that I am not contributing to global warming as much as I was before. I live in a cold place! I want it to be hot all the time. I actually hate the ozone layer, lets all make sure that we are doing what we can to make that thing disappear. Like, hello, I want a UV index of 100 percent all day everyday so I can keep that tan going, am I right ladies? And I mean, who cares about the Amazon? Have you ever even been there? I'm not fully convinced it even exists, and even if it does I'm sure its just filled with a bunch of creepy crawlies that are most likely poisonous and will likely rise up and kill us all anyway.

4. Having clear skin, strong finger nails, and long shiny hair is terrible. People are always telling me how great I look, I am running out of things to say back! Do you know when the last time I broke a nail was? Too long, that's how long, I try and I try and still I haven't broken a nail. All these nutrient-rich foods I am eating are seriously effecting my grooming time. I don't even know what to do with all this extra time I have in the morning, I guess I could sleep longer but like I said, I just have so much damn energy.

5. Beans and rice are so damn cheap, I have all this extra money that I don't know what to do with! What am I supposed to do, save my money?! Surely I can't be expected to spend it on the abundance of fruits and vegetables at my supermarket! I guess I'll have to open a savings account, live a less stressful life, and better prepare for my future. I really miss spending $30 on a steak at a restaurant and supporting an industry that profits off of the deaths of billions of animals a year. Gosh, now I am causing no harm and saving money, this is literally the worst.

Clearly, these reasons are 100% true and I cannot stress enough the amount of energy, and poop you will have. So please, if you value your lack of energy, long bathroom breaks, expensive meals, and killing the planet, do not go vegan.

Otherwise, what's holding you back?

vegan
Katelynd Vermeer
Katelynd Vermeer
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