Have you ever purchased a nice juicy burger from Wendy's, A&W, or McDonald's, as is, no questions asked, only to have your taste buds shriek in disgust when ketchup oozes out of your first bite?
Some days I just run out of luck. The milk had been guzzled by the kids and I’m forced to drink black tea. The bread had been torn to bits by the three year old who thought fun was making mini missiles she could launch around the breakfast table.
When I was a kid and balked at eating lima beans, which have been mysteriously misclassified as ‘food’, my Mother would say, “There are kids starving in Africa (Chile, China, California) who would love to eat those lima beans!”
One July happened to contain a Tuesday afternoon that was indeed remarkable only for its unremarkability. But as is all too often proved, dullness can be more offensive than any incident of a chaotic nature. As with dullness, order and subjugation are the unnatural order of the day.
Burger Season has come and gone once again, the Sun has found its peak revelation in the longest day, the burns of our endeavors are healing in the salve of our victories and the League drifts leaderless upon an endless empty sea of adventure! I have nothing left to say except to officially relinquish the commissionerhood with a final reading from the book of Burgelations chapter 1 verses 1 through 25.
Think about it.
Just, really think about it for a moment.
Yes, I am asking you to put forth cognitive consideration on the confectionary topic of what can be definitively summarized by the word pairing "fruit spread."
You are my one true love. You make everything in my life easier. You are the main reason I get out of bed most mornings. The idea that I get to have you at work makes my entire day. You are my motivation: You keep me awake and keep pushing me to move forward. Without you, I would be falling asleep at my desk. Honestly, without you, I probably wouldn't even still have a job. But you're not just there for me in the mornings. You're there during meetings to give me something to sip on. You're there when I'm meeting up with someone. You give me something to hold onto when I'm feeling awkward. You make hangovers almost bearable. And at two in the morning, when my kid won't go to sleep or I have a big test to study for, you are always there to help me out. You never let me down.
Listen up, everyone. This is a matter very near and dear to my heart. Macaroni and Cheese, commonly referred to as Mac and Cheese, is something I am passionate about.
When I was a child... right up until I was in my early forties.. I could eat anything that I wanted and I didn't gain weight. I was so skinny when I was 10 that my mother decided to supplement my diet, or lack of diet, with an interesting concoction called beef, liver, and wine. A spoonful a day was supposed to increase one's appetite. Unfortunately, it had the reverse effect on me. It basically made me spew out what little food I had in my stomach to begin with.
I’ve been constantly thinking about which would I rather give up? It’s really not a very difficult or thought-provoking question for most people, but let’s kill some of our day and take a look at both sides.
What's the point of sleeping if all I'm going to do is think about you? I lay in my bed and think about all of the things that could have been, but weren't. The memories of us replay over and over in my head, pushing out thoughts of anything else. When I try to get away from you because I know it's best for me, you keep showing up everywhere. My friends still love you, and my parents keep asking about you. I can't go on social media for one day without seeing something about you, and it's like there is no escape. Everyone tells me that "It's OK to get back together once in a while," but I can't handle the constant hello's and goodbyes. When I crawl back to you thinking that I'm strong enough not to become attached again, it's even more difficult to step back, and it tears my heart apart.
Nothing brings the UK together quite like a Meal Deal (except, maybe, aggressively tweeting about Love Island, or the creeping unease of Michael Gove.) We're Meal Deal mad. Meal Deal, Meal Deal, Meal Deal. You love a Meal Deal, I love a Meal Deal. What's for lunch, mate? A Meal Deal? Class.