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Life’s Stupid Mysteries

Caffeinated Ginger Ale

By Everyday JunglistPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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This is a moscow mule. It contains ginger beer, not ginger ale. Also it is supposed to be served in a copper mug. Gheesh. Image by pixel1 from Pixabay

Has a question ever occurred to you that is totally stupid? I mean really, really dumb. A question so inconsequential and meaningless that it is barely worth the effort to ask, yet alone take the time to find an answer. A question so ridiculous that it may have occurred to at most ten people in the entire history of the world. Welcome to life’s stupid mysteries (LSM) a new series in which I ask, and sometimes bother to try and answer, depending on how lazy I am feeling, questions no one else is asking and no one else cares about.

In the first installment of life’s stupid mysteries I ask the question, why does nobody make a caffeinated ginger ale? That’s right, I’m talking about ginger ale, the soda you only see in hospitals, and when you visit your grandpa or grandma’s house and always wonder to yourself, who drinks that shit whenever you encounter a discarded can by the side of the highway. You can lay that question to rest at least because, yours truly, does in fact drink that shit, and actually likes it. Ironically enough I acquired my taste for ginger ale during a long hospital stay back in 2015 and the memories always come roaring back whenever I have sip. I’m clenched over in agony just thinking about it. Fun times. In any event, I like ginger ale now and it would be my go to (non water) drink but for one glaring, massive, terrible omission. Ginger ale is not caffeinated, and as far as I know (and I have not taken the time nor do I intend to in order to find out) this has always been the case. As a non coffee drinker I rely on sugary carbonated beverages like my good friend and brominated vegetable oil (BVO) laden beverage of choice Mt. Dew to give me that jolt of energy I need each morning when I roll out of bed hungover from the previous nights antics. A quick aside in case you were not aware brominated vegetable oil is a food additive sometimes used to keep citrus flavoring from separating out in sodas and other beverages. Controversy has long surrounded the use of BVO and it is banned as a food additive in Europe but not in the U.S. Health concerns about BVO stem from one of its ingredients, bromine. Bromine can irritate the skin and mucous membranes (the moist lining of the nose, mouth, lungs and stomach). Long-term exposure can cause neurologic symptoms such as headache, memory loss, and impaired balance or coordination. There have been reports of people experiencing memory loss and skin and nerve problems after drinking excessive amounts (more than 2 liters a day) of soda containing BVO. While few people are likely to drink such large quantities, concern exists because bromine appears to build up in the body. And that’s one to grow on. (Update: BVO is no longer an ingredient in Mt. Dew. Yeah!)

Unlike Mt. Dew ginger ale does not contain BVO, but alas it also does not contain the wonder drug, caffeine, which, along with BVO, Mt. Dew contains in spades. And why the fuck not? Damn you sugary carbonated beverage industry, until you address this glaring weakness I will continue filling my body with the sugary sweet goodness of poisonous bromine when I could be filling it with the sugary/peppery sweet goodness of stomach calming ginger. Another one of life’s stupid mysteries I guess.

THE END.

You know another of life's stupid mysteries? How the fuck could a modern day web publishing company delude themselves into thinking that a 600 word count minimum for published stories was a good idea? A mystery that likely will never be solved.

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About the Creator

Everyday Junglist

Practicing mage of the natural sciences (Ph.D. micro/mol bio), Thought middle manager, Everyday Junglist, Boulderer, Cat lover, No tie shoelace user, Humorist, Argan oil aficionado. Occasional LinkedIn & Facebook user

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