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Buenos días burrito...

With a grain of Old Bay

By Nefarious DarriusPublished about a year ago 4 min read
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23MAR2023; 1328, THU– Maryland, USA

"Everybody's so creative!" Shoutout to the Lovely young Lady who made that random one liner a pop culture phenomenon.

Quite frankly, simply, and clearly: "Goals!" That is to say, I humbly aspire.

Now to the meat and potatoes; or lack thereof, rather. Ironically I started this piece on a J. Cole clock Born Day (1:28 PM [he "arrived" 01/28/1985]).

I mention such because I was somewhat obsessed with breakfast burritos before his collab with another triple OG, Missy Elliot; wherein he began the 2011 hit stating his affinity for "cheese, eggs, and potatoes".

However, I can't resist anything remotely similar these days; especially when I'm essentially a vegetarian who has been doing a smidge of fasting and such. Such is life; haha!

Seriously tho, last caveat prior to the cannonball: I measured absolutely nothing; and just so happened to have most of the ingredients lying around as I realized that getting my grub on might not be the worst idea. Do what you will with that info.

Without further ado:

You're finna need a large/medium saucepan (aka frying pan); two large eggs (preferably organic/free-range/locally sourced [not local, massive grocery store/chain]); a large flour tortilla; shredded cheese; and guacamole. Oh yeah: Probably couldn't hurt to have a spatula; some Old Bay seasoning; a bit of butter; and a stovetop handy.

First step after gathering ingredients and material: Heat up the butter, in the pan, on the stovetop; whilst spreading it all over the inside of the pan.

Don't spill any of the churned milk outside the pan, onto the stove. Just don't.

Second: Crack the eggs *carefully*; so as to not accidentally get bits of the shell into your future meal. I can't be *Vocal* enough about this one.

Seriously tho, there's a feasibility that if you inadvertently eat a few pieces of eggshells, "You're gonna have a bad time!" Shoutout to South Park for making that last line so ubiquitous and comedic.

Third step: Lightly tap the yolks of the eggs (with spatula) in so that they blend with the whites ever so slightly. This is what we called eggs "fried hard", back when I was in (the military).

Fourth: Flip and season the eggs (carefully) after they cook on medium for 'bout four minutes or so. You'll wanna repeat this one at least two more times.

Fifth order of Bizz: Finagle the "lightly" seasoned eggs into the tortilla; which will "somehow" make its way into the now empty pan. This might could be a decent time to top eggs with the cheese; and/or turn the top down to low.

I doubt that you want yours looking even approximately as burnt as mine. "I've been wrong before tho"; haha.

Sixth step on the "stairway to Heaven": Turn off flame/heat-coil after a few minutes; spread guac in/on burrito; and plate the quick/easy meal next to a salad of your choosing. It's your prerogative on the type of dressing and/or garnish as well.

What I used was a 50/50 mix of baby spinach and spring mix topped with garlic and basil vinaigrette. My garnish was a lemon wedge and a bunch of cilantro.

Last but certainly not least: Snap a pic; sit down; and enjoy. As a bonus, you can do the DMV (DC, MD, VA)'s own Mambo sauce on the side to dip your burrito into.

I have the Mild, as well as the Sweet Hot flavor of Capital City's version of this local staple in my fridge. It's meant to be used for wings and/or fries; but, yeah...

That's it. Recipe over.

Please be sure to let me know if/when you decide to give it a go. Either which way, no Love lost.

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Prayerfully, you gained something pertinent (re: useful) from this post. If so, then please think about considering a show of support; however you may see fit.

Additionally, I'm easily reachable via Twitter. That's for private and/or public convos on the works written by me, my fav writers, as well as my other influences too.

The link in my bio will "counterintuitively" have that unmistakable tab in its main menu. Invariably, there's a tab in the very same menu cyclically returning you to my profile on this unfathomably superb site for writers.

Shoutout to all Vocal's inventors/staff/readers/writers. "[Y'all] the real MVP."

Lastly, if you're in the market for an incredulously original article of clothing or such: There's copious amounts at the link in my bio. Please don't believe for a NY minute that I'll be even remotely unappreciative of any all who "look out for the cookout".

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About the Creator

Nefarious Darrius

I'm a Grunt who’s been stuck in traffic for the past few decades or so. From DC to Seattle & Iraq; to back in "The Swamp". Also, I Love my Progeny more than life. Born Day: 4/20. Lastly, my apparel brand, War 'N' Tees is live! One Love.

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  • Dana Crandellabout a year ago

    Looks and sounds good! It's much like my own recipe, except that I shamelessly scramble the eggs and add bacon, as would any hard-nosed heart patient. Ranch dressing, just because. Breakfast is almost always this, or eggs in holes.

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