Better Off Without Milk

Very unpopular opinion: Cereal is best eaten dry.

Let me just start by putting it out there that I am literally THE pickiest eater you’ll ever meet in your life.

And that goes beyond just not liking certain foods. I also have a major issue with certain foods being mixed together.

So go ahead and call me picky, but I know I can’t be the only one who feels this.

And yet I’ve always felt like it’s just me. Because how does everyone react? They all look at me like this:

Or like this:

And sometimes like this:

Well fasten your seat belts kids, because I’m about to tell you why dry cereal is the best way to go.

First off, let’s start with the most obvious reason: milk makes cereal soggy, and soggy cereal is gross.

And it’s no fun when you’re eating a sweet cereal and all the flavor gets washed off by the milk.

And after you’ve eaten all the cereal, you’re left with just a stupid bowl of milk sitting in front of you. Like what the f*ck am I supposed to do with this now?

A lot of people would argue that you're supposed to drink the milk after you've eaten the cereal, and from that you'll get the flavor that got washed off. But I’m lactose intolerant, so the thought alone of chugging straight milk makes me cringe so hard.

You probably wanna interject right now and be like, “Well what about plant milks?”

Nah. They’re great and all, but not by themselves. I don’t care if you’re using cow juice or plant juice, it’s just not meant to be drunk alone.

And cereal is clearly meant to be crunchy and sweet, so why go and turn it into a sad mouthful of mush?

Sure it looks all pretty in the beginning when you first pour it.

But trust me, it'll start to get real ugly real quick.

Because again, cereal is meant to be crunchy and sweet. So why ruin it?

I hate feeling like I have to rush to eat cereal before it loses its flavor and it gets soggy. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.

Second, it’s stupid to drink any kind of liquids while you eat.

Allow me to throw in some medical reasoning here.

Something I actually learned from one of my doctors: you’re not supposed to drink any kind of liquid (water, milk, juice, whatever) while you’re eating; ideally you're supposed to allow about 30 minutes between eating and drinking.

Why? Because the liquid dilutes the digestive juices in your stomach, so food isn't digested as well as it should be, which means later your colon has to work a lot harder than necessary to pick up the slack. That basically wears your gut out and leaves you more susceptible to gut problems later on in life.

What’s funny is that I used to think that it worked the opposite way; that drinking liquids with food actually helped it move through your system easier.

I mean it seemed logical enough to me then, so I was surprised when my doctor suddenly came at me with this very contradictory bit of information.

But after he explained this reasoning to me, it made me curious to see if it was legit, and I figured there was no harm in trying it out for myself. So I stopped drinking liquids with my food, and very soon I saw a noticeable positive difference in my digestion.

I was happy with that, and continuing to practice this has helped me out a lot since then.

And I invite you to try this out! I promise you don't have to wait a full 30 minutes to drink some water after dinner; I'm not even able to do that most of the time. But a bare minimum of 10 minutes is usually good enough for me, and a lot less daunting.

I will warn you though, once you get used to it there's no going back. I've found that now if I drink anything with my food, I feel that uneasy, gross sensation you get when something doesn't sit well in your stomach. And that's just another bunch of negativity I don't need in my life.

Going off of that point, the milk just makes the cereal more cumbersome to eat anyway.

As you can probably guess, I’m not the most gentle person. Or the most patient. So having to stop and consciously make the extra effort to eat carefully lowkey drives me insane.

You think I feel like taking extra time to be careful not to spill? Nah man, no thanks. That's just more negativity I don't need in my life.

And finally, cereal isn’t even a real meal anyway.

It’s really more of a snack. Maybe even a dessert.

Hear me out on this one, but if you think about it, cereal is basically just the sweet version of chips, pretzels, and popcorn. So logically it makes sense for it to be eaten like chips, pretzels, and popcorn.

It really is the exact same concept: either pour a bowl of it or eat it straight out of the bag, and eat it one handful at a time. Dry, of course; no need to add anything to it, because it's already perfect on its own.

And I don’t care what anyone says, cereal doesn’t have what it takes to be considered a real meal. Why do you think cereal commercials always state, "Part of this complete breakfast"? It's basically the dessert after the actual breakfast, not the core of it.

Don't get me wrong, cereal is a fun food and it tastes good. But it’s definitely a snack/dessert, not a meal.

What's the difference? I'm glad you asked.

Let me lay it out for you:

Meals are filling. Cereal is not the least bit filling.

Meals provide necessary nutrition. Cereal has no nutritional value to speak of.

Meals are made up of more than just carbs and sugars. Cereal is literally nothing but carbs and sugars.

And the milk doesn't exactly offer much more in the way of nutritional value either. I think at this point it’s safe to say we all know those pro-milk commercials are bullsh*t, so the argument of "Milk = Strong Bones" doesn't mean a damn thing.

Then again, some people still believe the Earth is flat, so I guess you never know.

But I’ll keep shamelessly defending my argument against cereal with milk until I’m blue in the face, because I don't have time to settle for eating a bowl of soggy, sad mush soaked in cow juice. Or any kind of juice.