an open letter to the coffee I left on the counter

I am truly, deeply sorry for leaving you like that. I would understand if you could never forgive me. I abandoned you… half empty, but so full of promises. As I am realizing the error of my ways, it feels only right to speak my peace. To mend what can be healed of this heartbreak. For surely, it is mutual.

This all started with incredibly good intentions… I swear to it. While I may indulge in similar sips to you each morning, you were special. This morning was different. I lay in bed a bit longer. I enjoyed a few more puppy cuddles than normal. Felt gratitude a bit deeper. I was here to take on the day from the start.

I think that’s what made you so different.. because I was more ready for you than I’ve ever been. I was more alive. You were more than just an aid to my day.. you were a true treasure. I wasn’t searching to be fulfilled by you, but rather to fulfill my day with you. I was so present, I could do nothing but let my senses be filled with your deliciousness.

Your perfect blend of oat milk and dark roast iced coffee. Shaken to that song I was humming all morning (mhmm.. you know the one. Sorry not sorry if that was an annoyance). With just a touch of cinnamon and chai tea mix. You. Were. Delightful. The velvety way your froth slid through my lips, over my tongue, and trickled down my throat. The ice cubes taking your heat, sending slow chills down my spine.

You made me feel something I’ve never felt before. I don’t want you to think I didn’t enjoy you. To be truthful it was more of an ‘out of sight out of mind’ kinda thing. I was rushing, something I know is never good but cannot help sometimes. I was in a hurry, not taking my time as I stepped through the door. Paying attention only to future problems and not the present moment. Far from the task at hand. Perhaps I began this heartbreak in that moment, forgetting to live properly and presently.

So you see,

I lost my way;

lost my wits for a bit,

and so there you sit.

While I was enjoying your fall spiced, icey goodness I fully intended to finish what we had started. In those moments enjoying you, I was unaware of any gap in my heart. I did not mean to leave you unfinished and abandoned. High and dry. Forsaken.

You were the best thing to happen to my mornings. While I shall return on my lunch break, I understand if you feel betrayed enough to be done with me. Clearly, this means something more. Is it I who am projecting my traumas on you?

I left you in the middle of our best times. All for worries that have yet to even happen. When I return I know you’ll be different. I’ll be different. It will all be changed. Your ice may be melted a bit. Your mixture could be sweeter. Could be too settled.

We won’t know until we know. I hope you can forgive me for what I’ve done. I swear I’ll be more focused on the good and the now. If you can find it in your heart for another chance. I’ll be eagerly awaiting our reunion. Whether it is as mere acquaintances again or something more.. I hope you know that I meant those words I said.

Until we meet again. I love you.

with a heavy heart,

your person