A Social Satire Recipe "Rice and Beans Unsurprising"
Possibly, Maybe, a Vegan recipe!
Possibly a Vegan recipe!
"Rice and Beans Unsurprising"
.
Mmm...
.
Food!
.
Picture the scene.
It is extremely late.
You are VERY tired.
You are so dead beat tired that is MIGHT be a better idea if you avoid using the gas stove!
You have a full day in the morning, that starts super early!
You need some hot food quickly.
Here is my CHEAP recipe for you, that can be made in a microwave in under 10 minutes WITHOUT needing much concentration.
.
You will need
.
Tin of Some own brand Kidney beans
Leftover own-brand wall-nuts
A sachet of some own-brand microwave rice
Some own-brand Soya sauce
Some own-brand Olive oil
(USA translation, Own-brand = Store brand!)
.
Method
.
1)
Open the tin of own-brand kidney beans and drain
.
2)
Get a large microwavable bowl and run under the tap to make the inside damp.
.
3)
Pour a little olive oil into the bowel then drain excess back over the own-brand kidney beans in the colander.
You do not want to waste such expensive oil!
.
4)
Empty own brand microwavable sachet of own-brand sachet rice into the bowel
.
5)
Now place the own-brand beans on top
.
6)
Add soy sauce and extra olive oil to preferred taste
.
Note:
This is why the recipe is only described as "Possibly Vegan" because I have no idea if Soy Sause is vegan or not!
.
7)
Microwave on full power for 3 mins
.
8)
Add leftover own-brand wall-nuts
.
8)
Stir
.
9)
Microwave for a further 3 mins
.
10)
Stir again
.
11)
Eat!
.
12)
Pretend to yourself that life "is not so bad",
While you try and swallow this bland crap!
.
Tip.
.
Cooking rice from fresh may seem at first, seem to be a lot cheaper.
.
However, you have to balance this against the cost of boiling that much water on the stove.
.
And against the "Time" or "Opportunity cost" if you are already exhausted from a long shift of underpaid hard work and just want to get to bed now.
.
.
Yum!
(NOT!)
.
I am not a vegan myself,
.
just skint.
(USA translation Skint = Broke!)
Any meat I can afford is given to the kids instead
.
Cheers for the Austerity 2020!
.
Every morning when my duvet is really stinky from all the beans and high fibre farts
.
I will think of you!
.
Now, Someone, Somewhere, tell me again why my anger is a little too unreasonable at times!
.
BEFORE YOU THINK OF GOING THERE!
(Yeh, know where I mean!)
(That posh game where a posh person plays a little bit of)
("Let us blame the less well off,")
("For being less well off")
.
NO!
NOT all poor people are criminals!
I am NOT a criminal,
Yet.
.
For now, I consider myself a good and honest person
BUT
If things got bad enough,
I will resort to serious crime long before I ever resort to begging!
.
Of course, this is only hypothetical
But “if” I was ever was to fall so far from personal grace as to ever become criminal
I would not be some just some mere local skutter picking on helpless victims
(Posh person translation, Skutter = Underclass, Breadline or 'E2' Economic Bracket!)
There is more than one type of being so-called "Aspirational"
I am no coward!
Personal pride would make me do something with only a 50% chance of survival
Because there would still be enough of the “old me” left to know that an “Evil” version of me is NOT worth keeping alive!
.
PS,
An EXTRA Skint tip,
.
Use up leftover cold chips by adding mayonnaise and other relevant stuff to jerry-rig up a potato salad for next days lunch!
.
About the Creator
Ross E Fortune Lombardi
Writer. Gamer, Goth
A (Constantly Failing To Be Funny) satirist!
Mutare non est meum
Cantus moriar
BLOG:
http://lombot.co.uk
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.