A minor change of plans

My mom always said she had to have something sweet to eat after her meals. Especially lunch and dinner, she said she never felt quite satisfied. Now, this truly could have been solved by some sessions with a nutritionist, but who am I to judge. As a nutritionist and devout vegan for 26 years, I would love to give her food advice if she asked.

I was living with her that summer, I remember the kitchen tiles so cool on my bare feet, refreshing. I didn't want to be a burden, she was getting older, shoot my children were grown and had left the house 2 years prior. Her health was dwindling as was her memory. The only way I could convince her that I was coming was to tell her that it was "just for the summer" AND that I needed a favor, an escape. Things in my own relationship were rocky at best, and I was looking forward to the space. Doing what I wanted to do and to bake. A something that I had found interesting since childhood, but very little actual practice. I knew a lot about food but baking was a world I rarely allowed myself to explore.

I set out to bake a cake, I had all the ingredients ready. Did I mention that I am vegan? I am very opinionated, and I took it upon myself to cook all her meals vegan while I was there. I thought it would be a great way to help her feel better.

I sifted the flour into the bowl, danced to the jazz coming out of the old boom box, and enjoyed the cool tiles. The batter was easy, I had made this recipe for most of the children's birthday cakes, it was a simple chocolate cake. I topped it with whipped coconut milk and blueberries. My mouth was watering just thinking about it. The way the silky chocolate met the slight crunch of the juice-filled blueberry and the frothy cream like a cloud in your mouth. I was a trip to the spa in a bite.

I popped two cans of coconut milk into the freezer with the beaters and a bowl, so they would be ready come whipping time. And waltzed over to preheat the oven. 375 degrees please, I cooed to the oven and I pressed the appropriate buttons. The oven had an interesting chime to it.

Spinning around, I began to beat the sugar, flax seeds, and water. I thought about using applesauce instead here since it would bring some sweetness and act as eggs do, but I forgot it at the store. Part of my whole vegan plan with Mom was to show her that sweets didn't always have to be sugar-based. That there were plenty of sweets that were not even processed. In years past it had been challenging at times to explain to her and Dad about how (and why) I was vegan. A meat and potatoes kind of guy my Dad just didn't really get it, he passed 4 years ago from heart failure and I kid you not on his death bed he said to me, "honey maybe I should have tried more of your vegan ways." I sobbed, he was always clever and knew how to pack a truth nugget intermixed with something funny. Like a good chef does with interesting food combinations. I missed him. It seemed appropriate that that memory would too be a part of her cake.

I was called back to the batter by a strange smell.

Oh goodness, my eyes bulging, smoke, there was smoke in the whole kitchen now. "Gah", startled I grabbed the hand towel and opened the window, praying the smoke alarms would not go off and worry Mom, who was upstairs reading. I shut off the oven and left the door shut. It smelled oddly electronical. My face crinkled up with that realization but had to keep moving.

I didn't know what else to do. I figured the closed oven door would hold the smoke in. After five minutes I became impatient, the smoke was still billowing out. I jerked open the door to the oven to find a melting, singed toaster oven. My mother had put the toaster oven into the actual oven as a way to tidy the counters? Or maybe this was a sign of her forgetfulness?Either way, I ran through the living room to the sliding glass doors that lead out to the garden I had played in as a child, I set the smoking toaster next to the rhododendron bush and paused wiping the hair from my brow.

I quickly scampered back into the smoggy kitchen, leaving the sliders open, letting the fresh late spring air waft inside. Still, no smoke alarm action, making a mental note to check the batteries, I went in search of a fan, turned on all the vents, including the bathroom fan on the second floor. I stood in the entryway of the kitchen and smirked, not quite a smile. Afraid to try the oven again I cleared a space for the batter, still in the bowl in the fridge. Hands on my hips, breathing shakily as a response to the chaos the afternoon brought forth. Mostly I was frustrated since I most of all wanted to create a treat for Mom that would be sweet, delicious, (dare I say) nutritious, and definitely vegan. There was also a thrill, this afternoon kitchen adventure was kind of fun - the realization itself surprised me.

My brain swirled, I had my heart on chocolate, I looked into the pantry and found some cocoa powder. Behind the package of noodles, there was some shredded coconut, I knew there was maple syrup because I had used some in yesterday's oatmeal. I got out a fresh bowl, without measuring I poured out some coconut and used my fingers to unclump the clumps. The aroma took me back to wintertime, grandma and I used to make snow scenes around the gingerbread houses with this stuff. Then I scooped out about 1/4 as much cocoa powder as there was coconut, and swirled it together. I loved working with my hands, I could feel information in my hands that I would never get out of a cookbook.

Now for the maple syrup, I started slow, alternating between hand squishing and maple pouring and melted coconut oil pouring. Once I liked the consistency I added two shakes of salt, a little vanilla extract and tried some.

Woah. I felt very proud of my work. These were going to be great. Tickled by the realization that I didn't even think I needed to cook them. I placed them on a cookie sheet in cute little balls and then took them to the freezer. I had forgotten about the whipped coconut cream ingredients I stored there and decided to whip it up anyhow.

The kitchen was a dreadful mess, Mom entered trying to hide her look of "I hope you are going to clean this up" that I had seen so often as a child. "Oh hey Mom", the nice thing about both of us aging was the way it was ok for us to be our own people. I continued to whip the cream, Mom was one step ahead of me, getting out bowls and berries. We walked silently to the garden and enjoyed this simple creation. If she thought this was good wait till those goodies in the freezer were found.

Chocolate Haystacks -- aka Smoldered Toaster Oven Diversions

Ingredients:

2 1/4 c. +/- Shredded coconut

1/2 cup cocoa powder

1 cup coconut oil

1/2 c. maple syrup

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 shakes of salt

Melt the coconut oil in a pan,(or microwave) and combine carefully all the ingredients. Try to think about something that makes you smile as you make these. I promise they will taste better if you do. Onto two baking sheets make spoonful size dolups and place them into the freezer until they are solid. Enjoy!

Store in an airtight container ( fridge or freezer) for up to 3 weeks.