"Women Should..."

Growing up on Hawai'i from a young age we learn that everyone helps out no matter the gender. This past year as a young woman in the prime of her life. I've realized that many cultures in the world believe in gender roles.

We all heard of the typical roles like "woman cook and clean, and watch the children" while men should "provide for his family financially and be the head of the household". As someone who has grown up in Hawai'i I've never actually seen this dynamic in real life before.

Until I met my current fiancee and his family. My fiancee is from Egypt, and yes they are muslim. But not that religion matters in this situation.

But I'll never forget seeing the gender roles as clear as day. My fiancee lives in DC so, no I didn't go all the way to the Middle East yet. But I remember when I arrived to their apartment that we all sat around the dining table and ate lunch together.

The food was great, and so was his family. The father is so kind, and I already knew his brother since we all went to the same college. The mother and sister were the sweetest things. I could tell that they shine in the "caretaker" roles.

Now I didn't go and visit them with the intention of analyzing but I couldn't, not notice.

As we finished eating lunch, all the men got up before us girls did and they went and sat in the living room. While the women were left to clean up everything.

I remember feeling very annoyed, because in Hawaii our men do not do that. Everyone helps out one another, and everyone cleans up after themselves. So to see that blatant "women do this" in my face for the first time I was truly shocked.

Now, my fiancee and I have been together for about 2 years now. We have sat down and talked about the whole gender role thing. He explained that, that's just how it is in Egypt or in the Middle East in general. He said the woman are happy to do these tasks and they take pride in it.

At first it was really hard for me to wrap my mind around it. But after visiting his family often I realized what he said was mostly true. His mother doesn't want her sons or husband to help her do household tasks. Actually she would get mad if they tried to.

I saw that this is the dynamic that works for them. In which its all done in a healthy way. The woman aren't forced to do this or that. They're very appreciated and taken care of.

But I have to be honest with myself, I still believe that its seen as an expectation from men and not a appreciation.

Because what if, the woman just decided they don't want to do these tedious things anymore? What if they said, "Can you do it, instead?" to the men. Then what would happen, right?

There probably would be a lot of anger, frustration and tension in the household.

That's when I've come to the bitter realization, that a woman's role means to unconditionally sacrifice herself for the men in her life and then be happy about it.

I'm not just talking of Middle Eastern families, but we can see that in our basic daily lives right here in America too.

How many times, do you see only the mother taking care of her child, that took two to make? How many times do mothers get scrutinized for going out for one night with her friends and the first thing someone will say is, "Who's watching your baby?". Why is it our first thoughts that its only a woman's role to be a caretaker.

I'm not here to say who is right and who is wrong. Or to say that woman shouldn't enjoy being mothers and wives. I think its a beautiful thing to embrace our femininity. Women are ethereal, women are powerful, strong, emotionally deep, sensitive, intelligent and caring creatures.

I'm just here to point out that its no secret just how difficult it would be if the "gender roles" around were switched. I can already here what would be said, and I'm sure you can too.

Although this was a tiny cultural shock, I'm not opposed to doing household tasks for my family and husband. Because that's what you do when you love someone. I just want to say, appreciate the women in your life for all the things they do and have done.

Appreciate mothers, daughters, sisters, aunties and friend

because the life for women and girls in this world is completely different from the life of men and boys.