Stay Low, Stay Quiet, and for Heaven’s Sake, Don’t Get Caught

“Hey – hey you.”

The two big brown eyes peeking around the door of room 203 widened. Not more than 4 feet off the ground in a sea of adults, Ayla saw only waist-high.

On the floor, playing with his toy car, was a boy.

Surrounded by roads that curved through the empty space of imagination, he was in a world only he could see. The murmurs of the room came alive in the swirl of his city streets. And the winds of the blowing heat were the warm summer breeze that blew off the bay – clean, distilled. His hovering car zoomed through the trees that rose to the height of skyscrapers. Racing ever faster to the missing girl on the western side of town. Her calls, distant and quiet, echoed.

Beyond the city limits, Ayla waved her hands as high as she could reach, and four feet touched the stars. “Psst.”

Her mission was simple – her mission was clear. She was one with the shadows, a ninja of the night. The nurses roaming the halls were only guards ready to send her back to the room she needed to escape. Stay quiet, stay low, and for heaven’s sake, don’t get caught.

But in finding the boy, she was willing to make an exception. Only once, she would break her undercover sound barrier to call out, “over here.” Wincing at her broken rule, she looked back outside the room and then lowered herself even further.

In a moment that extended for far too long, nothing had changed. But the boy’s car soon fell still as it stopped a few feet away. He had found the missing girl. His imagination became a forgotten world as mischief stood right in front of him.

His left brow raised, his right furrowed, and he didn’t know what to make of her. “Hi,” he said.

She waved her hands to come, and the boy looked back to his family standing behind him. Slow to follow, he shrugged his shoulders. Whatever adventure she was on, it looked like it was worth it.

When he met her at the door, she looked – left, right, and left again. “Alright. Come on before they find us.” Without question, the boy already knew what the mission was. Stay low, stay quiet, and for heaven’s sake, don’t get caught.

Around the corner and past the desk, Ayla grabbed his hands and pulled him forward at a full sprint. “What’s your name?” The boy’s voice rose and shook with his every step.

“Ayla.” Paying little attention, she looked back at him with a curious eye. “You?”

“Sammie.”

“Well, Sammie, this is the last corner.” As they took a hard right, they ran down a short hall with a wide window at the end. The glaring lights of the hallway reflected off the black backdrop. Forgetting she wasn’t alone, Ayla let go of his hand, vaulted up the chairs and into the windowsill.

With his hands on his knees and a heavy breath, Sammie asked, “Why did you bring me here?”

“Well, look” As she tapped the ledge next to her, she nodded her head towards the outside, and hooded her eyes. Her breath, warm, fogged the cool glass as she pressed her face into the night. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

Sammie was methodical in his climb up the mountainous leather chair. Checking his every step, his hand slipped off the edge the moment he took his eyes off it. When he caught himself, he finally found a space on the sill that he could sit on. In front of him was the sea of lights, high and low, sprawled out for miles in front of him.

But for Ayla, the city faded; she no longer saw the towering skyscrapers. The world melted into a winter evening freshly decorated in silver and gold. And the track of her memories began to play.

“Ladybug.” She remembers hearing. “I know it’s not Christmas yet, but I won’t tell if you won’t.” And in that, she remembers her dad pulling out a present from behind his back. Unwrapping it, she pulled it from the edges, tearing the paper to a hundred pieces—a little black notebook. Ladybug & Daddy transcribed over the top. “Treasure your memories,” he said.

So intense, her reverie was almost strong enough to transport her back to that day. And her distance created an air that pulled at Sammie’s attention. As much as he wanted to see the city streets and the specs of people below, he couldn’t help but notice Ayla.

“Why are you here,” he asked. As he peeked from around his hooded hands, he looked over.

The soft tone of his voice broke Ayla from her trance. With her hands on the glass, she didn’t move. She looked out on the city and knew something was changing. And no matter what she did, and no matter how hard she’d try, she’d have to face the world again – a world that stepped closer to her.

“My dad.” This wasn’t her first night trying to get lost in that window. She has tried so many nights before, hoping it would be a magic portal to help her escape. And as much as she dreaded it, she was hoping that it wouldn’t be her last. “He’s really sick.”

“Oh,” Sammie said.

“Yeah.”

A women’s voice came from behind them, gentle and sweet. “Ayla, sweetheart. Daddy wants to see you.”

“But mom,” Ayla said. Her shoulders, once tense, fell as she turned back to the hallway. “I don’t want to. Me and Sammie are looking at the city.”

“Well, we should get Sammie back to his room too. Come on, hon.”

As they walked, the halls were no longer an obstacle course, and the nurses were once again nurses, and around the corners, the slow procession led the kids back. With a knock at door 203, the gentle voice rose above the murmurs of the room. “You might have had a little runaway.”

“Sammie!” A women’s voice said with surprise. “Where’d you get off to?”

“The window,” he said.

“Oh.” Sammie’s mom looked up and said, “Thank you for bringing him back. He usually doesn’t sneak off like that.”

“Well, this one can make trouble look good.” Ayla’s mother looked down with a smile as she pulled her closer. “We have to get back to our room; maybe we’ll see you around.”

“Alrighty, take care.”

“Bye, Ayla,” Sammie said.

Ayla’s hand, half-covered with her overstretched sleeve, rose to give Sammie a small wave. For the first time that night, her smile was genuine. And though it faded quickly, her new friend gave a candle to help her walk the darkened halls of pain.

The final steps towards the room stretched her chest, and the air grew thinner by the moment. When the two finally got to the room, there was a stillness – a shallow breath of fading light. Ayla looked at the man in the hospital bed; it was only a fragile frame of how she remembered her father.

Turning to look at her, he said with smiling eyes, “Come here, Ladybug.” When she got up and sat beside him, the armor that caged her heart stretched too thin and broke as she laid into his chest. Arms tight around her dad, her ear was pressed against the faint pound of his heart. “Daddy, please don’t go. I need you,” she said.

“Hey,” he said as he rubbed her back. “Hey. I have something for you.” A faint warmth continued to lift his face as he pulled out a little black notebook just like hers. The only difference: Daddy & Ladybug.

Weak, he grabbed her hand and looked into her eyes to imagine all the years he wouldn’t see.

Ayla looked at the book and began to read:

Ayla, my ladybug.

The adventure in your heart will take you anywhere you want to go. Your eyes, your smile, and that big brain of yours – they made the days go by when they were too long.

I wish I could spend a lifetime watching you grow to be the strong woman I know you are. The first astronaut artist to paint a picture on mars, wasn’t it?

Breaking form the words, she looked into her dad's eyes. Over the past months, the sparks of her heart had begun to dull. But, for a moment, she remembered what it meant to look towards the future again—the spark of everything she has yet to discover.

Your mom and I have been saving every little bit we can so you can achieve all that you want to be. As I write this, there’s just over $20,000 in a savings fund waiting to help you achieve your dreams: college, a business, art, writing, (astronaut school) – anything and everything.

But I knew that wouldn’t be enough. And I’ve been saving something worth so much more.

She squinted as she tried to make out the next few lines. In more than just words, the pages held the remnants of sorrow—wrinkled points of the paper contained within them, the smeared black ink remembering a lifetime of memories.

In this notebook, on these 100 pages, you’ll find the same memories that are in yours, but the spotlight will be shining on you. In the worlds that only we could create, you’ll find all the love I have for you, all the times you made me smile, and all the times you thought I was the fearless one.

But you know, I’ve never had to do anything but remind you how strong you are. So, whenever you forget – whenever you doubt yourself, just read.

Read them when you forget that you’re my special girl. Read them when you forget how to shine. Read them when the world seems too big. You will leave it better than you found it because that’s just what you do.

And hold on to the dreams that make your heart come alive because, ladybug, that’s your magic. And no matter how far I am, that light will always lead me back to you.

I love you,

Daddy – The man who knew the stars because he met you.

Ayla closed her eyes until the velvet fingertips around her hand no longer held their weakened grip. And as she looked up, the shuttering struggle for life no longer moved the room.