Speak Up

Things start getting real when you start setting boundaries and owning your truth. However, you lose everyone who is not for your highest good. Now that's a hard lesson to learn because the people you thought were supposed to be in your life the people who said they loved you or they got you, hid or left you alone to drown in your pain unbeknownst to them because you hold everything inside until you finally can't take it anymore, then you explode....learning how to react differently than what you normally do is a challenge and you must stay calm to pass that test.

It gets ugly when you're alone to fight your darkness. You struggle with wanting to die or stay alive. Oh! Did I go there? Are we not supposed to talk about those kinds of things, Oh my bad, sorry not sorry... Because when a loved one was battling cancer and cried out for help she was thrown under the bus and buried and forgotten about by most..Oh, but I didn't....when she wanted to die to end the pain all she wanted was someone to listen, not say a word, just sit and listen.... That's not so hard right?

Because when we can't "talk", about things that are hurting us where do people expect us to go? To a doctor, a counselor right? When you have done all that but it doesn't fill the emptiness inside then what? When you reach out to those you actually love only for them to turn their backs on you then what? That's right, that's why so many people commit suicide it's their last hope.

Why do we hold it all inside because in my generation we are told, We Don't Talk About That Stuff".

Whether it's depression, a hidden illness, suicidal thoughts, spiritual warfare, rape, addiction, or anything that is emotional we should feel safe to talk about it.

I have battled many trials in my life on my own because I felt it was no use talking about it. Now I'm owning my truth. When a loved one reaches out to me I'll be there the best that I can, I may not have all the answers and maybe my presence will hopefully be enough. I can only hope that my love and kindness, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a hug to hold you for a moment, will at least give you some comfort.

Being alone has really helped me to understand a few things the more present you are the more aware you become. It's a long hard dark road but you have to travel through your own darkness to finally reach your light and the brighter you shine the better you and everyone around you will be.

Setting Boundaries and unlearning the traps of childhood conditioning, meaning if your elders had this saying, “Only speak when spoken to”, or better to be seen than heard”, then you know what I am talking about, are vital to your growth and understanding as an adult. If you don't work through your traumas and conditioning you will continue to relive the lessons you should have learned long ago or in my case, it attached to my two children to have to break the generational curses that have befallen onto our family line. And it will continue onto their children if they are unable to succeed.

No matter how old you are you are allowed to change your mind on anything that you grew up believing in because someone else told you to believe in it. Do your own research into your own beliefs and make up your own mind about your life.