I Don’t Blame My Bio Mother for My Adoption

I was adopted as a baby to a really nice single mom. A lot of people don't realize that all adoptions cause trauma. It doesn't matter if it was for the best or not. As a child I was constantly wondering why my birth parents didn't want me. Birthdays have always been very emotional for me and they always bring up more questions. More questions my adopted mom didn't know the answers too. I remember being 10 years old and a family member tells me that If I stayed with my birth family I would be dead by now. At the time I didn't matter to me that they have never met my bio family. For years I really thought that that was true. I learned later that my Bio father tried to kill me as an infant. I honestly wish I never knew that information. I always knew that he wasn't the greatest man but I really didn't need to know that.

As an adult I made the choice to reach out to my bio mother. As I waited for her to respond I was left wondering if I really wanted to know the answers to all of my questions. Why was I not enough? Why did you wait 19 weeks to give me up? Did my half siblings know about me? What happened to my younger brother and sister? Why were we all given to different families? Only some of my questions got answered. I do not think I will ever fully know why they did the things they did, and I think I'm okay with that. When I was told why I was adopted I felt sick to my stomach. It was rough and it took me a while to get through it. Adoption is traumatic for everyone involved. I still have a lot of questions for her. At the same time I am not sure if I want to know the answers.

Being adopted kind of makes you miss out on certain things. I have never once seen a baby photo of myself. When doctors ask if I know my family history all I can say is I don't know i'm adopted. Usually at this time the doctors or nurse will give me this sad look, Like i'm missing out in knowing if there is Cancer or another genetic related illness in my family. When I was a child, I was the only blonde in my entire adopted family, so as soon as my adopted mom allowed me I was dying my hair brown to look more like them. A ten year old shouldn't be dying their hair.

No matter how loving my adopted mom is there is still trauma. Many people think that since I was so young my adoption shouldn't cause any trauma but I am still strugling with anxiety and trust issues almost 26 years later. Whenever I would ask my adopted mother questions she always answered the best she knew how. She didn't know a lot about them and I dont think she thought it was okay to ask. I found out I was the eldest of 8 on my 23rd birthday. It was strange to figure that out as a full grown adult. I don't blame my biological mom for any of the things she had to do to be able to surrive. She knew deep down that she was not able to be the best parent that she could be in her situation. I know that she was doing the best thing for me and I thank her for that. I know that it was an difficult thing for her to do.