I just want to start off by saying that my childhood was shit, literal shit. If I could, I would try to name all of the good experiences as a child, but sadly the bad outweighed the good. Now I'm not trying to throw myself a pity party and tell you all about my woes because I do know that I'm not the only person with a messed up family which is why I'm writing this in hopes that people who have gone through this will relate to it and be able to understand that it shouldn't define them later in life.
In my whole 19 years of living, I've only met my father once when I was 7 and I didn't have a chance to get closer because he died of cancer that same year. You're probably wondering, "Well, Why did you only meet him once?" and to answer that question plain and simple: my mother didn't tell him that she had gotten pregnant with me and at that time they weren't together at all anymore. Now to my understanding, their relationship was just a fling and he was in the military at the time, traveling, so there was no way he would've known but after finding out, he had a DNA test done proving he was in fact the father. You're also probably wondering why my mother kept this from him and the reason is " I don't know", but I do suspect that it was for her own selfish gain because that's what my mother is, selfish.
Ever since I can remember, my mother has never been a mother at all. She wasn't kind, she wasn't caring, but she was conniving and bitter. Whenever she wasn't "happy" which was most of the time, she would find ways to put down my siblings and I by saying horrible things about us and projecting whatever anger she has on us in the form of verbal and physical abuse. Because of her and her actions, we were place in a group home and then we eventually was put in foster care which was one of the worst traumatic experiences that I've hard in my life.
There, at age 9, I encountered Racism and Prejudice for the first time and I finally felt and realized what it's like to be Black in America and to be divided. I was also constantly fighting people who were mistreating my siblings and I because we were smaller and I felt that we were alone and we were truly alone. From all this trauma, I developed really bad Social Anxiety, Depression, Childhood PTSD, etc at the age of 10.
My grandmother, bless her heart, was able to gain custody of us and for the first time in my life, I finally felt at home and loved. I haven't seen my mother since I was 14 years old and honestly I'm very content with that. My mother was very young when she had us and I do feel that she was just too immature and if she had had her way, my siblings and I wouldn't have been born. We were just mistakes in her eyes and it's still hard for me to accept that, but in my heart, I know it's true.
Even after all this, I moved on and I try to better myself everyday. I'm almost a college graduate and I've accomplished things that I never thought possible, so if there's a will, there is absolutely a fucking way even if you have to pave it yourself. Don't let anyone, especially your crusty dusty family stop your pursuit of happiness. Be You.
This is ZD and I approve this message:))