Everyone Is Dying!!

Since I was a little girl I can remember seeing my grandma wearing a beautiful red wig, doing her makeup and putting on her hot red lipstick getting ready to go to work at the hospital. I can also remember being startled because under that beautiful red wig was a perfectly round bald head. I remember her being a strong fierce woman who was fighting for her life, all while helping her daughters with babysitting her grandchildren on her days off, participating in the church events, attending her grandchildren’s events at school, keeping a very tidy house, and still cooking her amazing dinners, especially the ones on Sunday after church services and she held down working a full time job as a nurse.

Many didn’t know that this single beautiful, courageous, strong, working woman had any problems at all but she had a dark deadly secret she was keeping from the outside world. I had heard my grandma was a little promiscuous at times but she was single living her best life until she had to fight for her life to live! She was a warrior as I can remember her to this day. She didn’t show much fear to anyone nor anything. She barely showed many emotions at all. Her fearless personality was something I admired in her! I honestly believe that mentality is why she fought back to her murderer and WON! My grandmother had whooped the crap out of that fatal piece of shit! She literally killed it. Her murderer was named colon cancer! I was and still am proud to say she beat colon cancer down. She was a fighter—she fought a damn good fight too! She did it. She won and we could all move on and keep enjoying those good ole days hanging out with the family all gathered at grandma’s house. Life was beautiful, blissful, and we were all blessed.

Then that day came again. That horrible dreadful day that we all hate! When her doctor came in and said those evil words to her “Mrs. Luciano you have cancer.” That beautiful woman I admired as a young girl had another fight of her life again. She had lung cancer. This time it was much different because she was retired, older, and had more emotions. This time we saw her fears, her tears, her weakness, her desperation, her love for us, and her hate for cancer. She was really sick this time, really sick and we all knew it. I can remember so many trips to the hospital because we gathered there just in case it would be our last time to see her. Cancer was killing her this time. She fought and fought. She’d go home and then end right back in the hospital again. This was a very critical time for her. We would all gather at the hospital like it was a family reunion. We all gathered there quite frequently to see this brave woman fight for her life! It was a family reunion because my grandma had five daughters and there were so many of us grandchildren. After we had counted everyone including great grandchildren I think there was around 50 of us all together at the hospital. It was an awful time in my life because my grandma’s condition was worsening by the day. She fought cancer for many years and many midnight ER trips followed as well. She had many days in ICU. She was sent home to live with my aunt. We all took turns helping her out this time like she helped us all out. We would all take shifts to stay with here when another had to work. We all pitched in on cooking for her, bathing her, cleaning up for her hospice setting. We all did our parts and never bickered about it. That brave, bald, beautiful and courageous woman finally lost her life to the damn murderer Cancer!

Not long after came a downward spiral for my whole family, or should I say families! Then my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 21. That destroyed me for a while until they found out it was only stage 1. After her diagnosis, she fought and BEAT cancer and has been cancer free since 2003!

Not long after this is where things got really crazy outta control for my families. My paternal aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer she was the 2nd paternal aunt that had died of breast cancer. Shortly thereafter, I had a maternal aunt die from breast cancer! Then a few years go by and I move over a thousand miles away from home. I get a call. “Your Aunt Jerry has cancer and she doesn’t have long to live,” my mom had said with fear in her voice. I couldn’t even take time to get back to see her due to my crazy complicated busy life in Vegas. She finally passed from cancer and I never got to say goodbye. So years go by and I had a cousin die from cancer. I get a call and I was told another has died from cancer! Then a year goes by and another cousin diagnosed with cancer.

I can remember getting notifications on my social media that my paternal uncles both were dying from cancer! Then another maternal aunt had died from cancer! My heart and mind has become numb at this time. I can say cancer was a common thing in my families kinda like a cold is for other families. So for my mom this has been three sisters, a handful of her nephews & her very own mom she’s had to help care for in their darkest hours! My mom was always strong for them. She’s always been available for them all physically, emotionally and spiritually. Now I see my mom as this fearless, fierce, strong, beautiful courageous warrior of a woman.

I admire that in my own mom now as I did my grandmother years ago. Life went on, I was living a pretty lavish posh life in Las Vegas. I reminded myself of my grandmother but I’m married. I had the beautiful home, the handsome husband, the beautiful import German cars, the beautiful kids, and a thriving career then.

STOP right there, she said. It was my doctor who had to literally make me go get tested a few years back. Then that damn dreaded desperate day came for me. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and through all my fears, I had kept faith. But I was scared as hell! I wasn’t like my mom or grandmother. So I go in for a breast biopsy. It came back negative! I was excited, scared, hopeful, full of faith, and exhausted. I was blessed by God. I mean talk about dodging a bullet! I hate to say though since then I’ve had another maternal aunt die of cancer, then a cousin diagnosed with throat cancer, beat it, and now in stage 3 of liver cancer. Also I have had another paternal uncle die of cancer & another paternal cousin die of cancer!

Here very soon I’ll be going in for a mammogram that I have been putting off for a few years now. My health isn’t the greatest to begin with because of my chronic illness called EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) and it has worsened. I’m 38 years old, scared, confused, tired, lost, in so much pain and no one knows because I hide it from the world. I don’t want people to think I need pity. I wear this mask to hide all these emotions. I’m not like my grandmother or my mother. I’m not courageous at all. I run from my problems or self medicate to avoid the situation. I know the time is coming but as long as I don’t get that horrible news then I can continue to live a normal life. In my life of 38 years, I’ve seen more people die of cancer than most do in their whole life. I’ve remained blessed through this all though. I will be married to my best friend, lover, husband of 20 years and he has been by my side, seen my ER trips for Grandma! I’ll be finding out soon what my results are. I’m scared but I need to know either way. No matter what my results are I’ll remain faithful but I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage like they did. My mom is still cancer free & looks amazing at the young age of 71.

I honestly feel like cancer is literally killing us all. Or it’s at least trying too! I think cancer is a man made illness & believe they have a cure but it’s just not offered to all. It’s only offered to those that can afford the luxury of the cure. Then some people may get blessed and beat cancer like my momma did. Then others may not even get it. I heard in a report on the news that our cell phones cause cancer. Then the new 5G is going to give over half of us cancer. You can Google that and read it all for yourself. Are our lives really worth all this technology, just so we can live more advanced than other countries? Cancer is killing so many more people now than ever before is what statistics say. Just remember to go get your check ups regularly, try to eat healthy, drink water, stay strong, and say your prayers!