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by Zach Harwood 4 months ago in parents
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Sometimes it hurts.

I remember a day when my friends were over during the summer. My father was outside doing the work I said I would help with. scratch that... Actually, it was the work We said we would help with. I'm sure my dad was furious as we had not been working too well. We spent most of our time talking and something that should have taken a few hours, had probably taken us half the day. I do apologize for that.

I was standing in the kitchen when my dad walked in to see me there with my two friends. That I'm sure made him very upset. Imagine working up a sweat all day and coming into the house to find the people who are supposed to help you standing around. I remember that day very well, mainly because that's the day my dad called me useless, but still, I love you dad.

I remember a day when I had to get something out of the fridge in the garage. What it was I couldn't recall. My dad had a bike that he kept in the garage, and used the bike often too. Turns out this would not be my lucky day. Unfortunately, with the last time my dad had put the bike away he left it leaning up against the fridge... just the edge of the tire, anyone would have missed it, until they tried to open the fridge door. I decided to move the thing! A mistake on my part as the bike fell on me. I do apologize for that.

All of a sudden, just now I am remembering that someone else was in the room with me. I can't say who I just see a figure, maybe my sister? Anyways, some way or another my dad and my mother came across me, I asked for help and my dad asked how it happened. It didn't matter what I said, he did not believe a word. I got yelled at pretty good, not that for any reason did I think it was good though. I tend to be very sensitive and it really hurt when my own father just didn't believe me. My mom tried to calm him down after the fact and my dad, did take the bike off of me helping me out, but still, you hurt me dad.

I hope you never read this... but I hope that you read every line.

I remember a time when I was a kid, a young one. My N64 was my world for better or for worse. One of my favorite games was F-zero X... you used to play it with me and Madison. You couldn't stand losing so you would always win... every race. When I think back to those times you played the N64, I don't remember you winning every game. All I know is you spent time with me and my sister. If you ever feel like you haven't had a positive influence on my life, I apologize for that.

Once, when I was a boy, you had finished yelling at me earlier that day and it was bed time. Mom was tucking me in, I don't remember if you ever did, maybe. I told my mom that one day I want to be just like you, but I don't want to be like you. Well, I find in many ways I'm nothing like you. But I am proud to be your son, and I am proud you are my father. If you ever feel like im not proud of who you are, I apologize for that.

Many people have had worse encounters with there fathers than I have... but the way I felt, I had the worst.

I don't think I will ever tell you that I wrote this piece. But Dad, I want you to know from the bottom of my lonely heart that you were the best father I ever had, and still have. You care so much about mom, you take care of the house and other people, you mean a lot to me. Your my dad, if you ever felt like I don't love you, I am so sorry.

My dad is the most caring person I know... but I wish sometimes I new how caring he was.

I have cried a lot of tears in my day but never enough. I don't make rivers, and I don't make boats. I internalize everything. I make cages and locks. Dad, you break barriers and you teach me to be a better man. I have no control over who your father was or who your family is. I have no control over the things that have happened in my past. Dad, I want you to know you are so special to me. Who did I call today when I wanted to talk? You. I think of you often and, even though there is pain, there is also a love I could only feel from a father.

I have seen you be vulnerable... that's something I wish I had.

Caring, funny, angry, lovable, hurting and hurtful, man of truth, husband, carful, intellectual, spiritual, imperfect, loving, purposeful, my father.

When I was still in college, when I came home you made time for me. It made me feel loved, and that's a product I wouldn't ask to exchange. I LOVE YOU DAD.


About the author

Zach Harwood

Started Writing in highschool. Stopped for a while. Started up again. As of right now it's 10:31. I need sleep.

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