Controversial things I do as a first time mom:

I am a first time mom to a sassy, fierce, beautiful 7 month old. She is the best part of my world, and I can already tell that she’s going to change the world one day. She knows exactly what she wants, and she doesn’t accept anything less than that. As frustrating as that is right now as her mom, I love that for her.

Deciding how to raise her has been one of the more difficult things my husband and I have had to do. Someone has something to say about EVERY choice we make, and it makes it really tough to feel like we’re doing a good job sometimes. I am well aware that some choices we’ve made are pretty controversial, but they work for us, and it’s all about survival this first year.

1. Pretty much from day one, Sloane has slept in bed with us. I adamantly did NOT want to co-sleep before she was born, but both Sloane and I had some attachment issues from the beginning. I had some postpartum anxiety, which resulted in me struggling to set her down. Ever. For naps, to play, even for other people to hold her. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge the fact that I wasn’t able to keep her safe alone anymore, and sharing her was HARD. Therefore, she got very used to being attached to me all the time, and bedtime separation was a struggle. After a couple weeks of my husband and I trying to take shifts, I started doing some research on safe sleep, and we finally accepted that Sloane was going to sleep with us. She still does at 7 months old, and although nights are still tough, most nights she only stirs to eat; she doesn’t really wake up crying or fussing at all, and getting her back to sleep isn’t a fight. I think co-sleeping is something we’ll do until we ALL feel prepared to make the change, which honestly will probably be a while. And I don’t hate that for us.

2. We started purées at 4 months with Sloane and baby led weaning at 6 months. I had a couple people tell me I was causing long term damage to her, or that I was moving too quickly and needed to slow down. But she showed all the signs of being ready. When we started purées, this girl would go crazy for her meals! She loved almost everything we gave her, and she ate so well. When she hit 6 months, we had the okay from her doctor, so we started solid foods in the form of baby led weaning. Basically, we just have her foods similar to what my husband and I were eating and let her feed herself. She doesn’t normally eat much, but she enjoys playing around and learning different textures of foods. She’s tried 20+ things by 7 months, and there’s not much she will turn away. She loves her food, and I’m trying to teach her how to have a healthy relationship with it.

3. I didn’t wait to take Sloane out and about after I had her. I’m a busy body, and I hate staying home. Once I felt comfortable walking around, we went out. She went grocery shopping with us, we would walk around the mall, and in good weather, we spent a lot of time at walking trails. And Sloane still, for the most part, does fantastic out in public. She loves saying hi to anyone who will listen, and as long as we don’t push it, she does decently well in the car (if we time it right). And I was able to feel a little less isolated those first couple of weeks postpartum, which was so important to my mental health!

4. I’m not obsessive about cleaning and sterilizing things. I sterilized my pump parts and a couple bottles once before Sloane was born. After that, I clean everything after I use it, but I haven’t sterilized it. I’m not obsessive about cleaning everything in the house, because I want her immune system to develop. I grew up being allergic to almost everything, and I want to try to limit that with Sloane. Also, I’m not delusional, and I know it’s only a matter of time before she’s picking stuff up off the ground and putting it in her mouth, at least right now some of the ‘germs’ are from a controlled environment. Lastly, I have two dogs and a cat in a rather small apartment. Frankly, it’s impossible for me to clean it all and keep things fresh and tidy all the time. I vacuum when her play mats are looking extra dirty (usually twice a day), but she definitely doesn’t live in a pristine environment.

5. I respond to Sloane when she cries. I will never be the mom who does the “cry it out” method, or just leaves her to figure things out if she’s crying/frustrated. Her main form of communication right now is to cry, and I will not just ignore when she’s trying to communicate with me. I don’t believe that she can ‘manipulate’ me in any way. Sure, she learns habits, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing for her to learn that her mom will always respond when she’s upset or needs support. There are times where I’ll leave here where she is and support her in the form of just talking to her; I don’t always run over and pick her up when she cries. But I do what I can to show her that I am still around and I will support her through whatever frustrations she’s trying to communicate to me. Hell, I cry when I get frustrated, and I do know how to talk and communicate. I’ve just learned over the past 7 months that my daughter’s personality type doesn’t do well with letting her cry it out in any way, and she requires A LOT of support. And that’s okay!

There’s no rule book to teach people how to raise a child. That’s because every baby is different, every household is different, and every set of circumstances are different. Raising a baby isn’t one size fits all, and that’s why there are different methods for everything. And it doesn’t make anyone better or worse if they do or don’t do certain things. That’s the beauty of raising a child! Whatever decision you make for YOUR baby is the right one, because you’re their parent. And that’s the most perfect thing you can be.