The One That Got Away

"I have to solve this case," Alicia muttered to herself. Her eyebrow went up in confusion and she shook her head. "I would never say something so trite." 

"Yes, you would," a voice boomed from the sky. "You're a fictional character that I created. Therefore, I know what you would say."

"With all due respect sir, ma'am," she shook her head. "The voice is too deep to be a typical female voice. I suppose it could be Cher. Cher, if you're writing this, I would not say that. I think I know myself better than you do." 

A gust of wind swept around her, a sigh. "I don't have time for this nonsense, Alicia, we only have three thousand words to figure out who killed Karen Anoso. Can you get on board and let me tell this story?" 

Alicia tapped her finger against her chin and shook her head. "We all know that the butler did it, so why bother? This is not the type of story that offers a surprise." 

"The butler, did it? Are you sure?" the chief of police, Ernest Wayson, asked. He looked like a model on the romance novel covers, but his personality was much closer to Chief Wiggum from The Simpsons. "I can go arrest him right now." 

She rolled her eyes, "of course, I'm sure. He was having an affair with her, Karen put him into the will, and then he found out that she never divorced her husband. Meaning he would have to wait until she died to get his hands on the money." 

"That makes sense to me," Chief Wayson said. "I'm off to arrest him now." 

Once he was gone, she wiped her hands. "There. I saved everyone a bunch of time and words. Can I go to the spa now?" 

"No," the writer's voice boomed. "You have no idea what you have just done." 

***

Alicia walked into the dive bar and was surprised to see Chief Wayson sitting at the bar, his head in his hands. She took the seat next to him and noted that there were tears streaming down his face. After taking a deep breath, "what's wrong?" 

"I w-w-was fired," he buried his head deeper and let out a loud sob. Once he calmed down a bit, "the mayor said I was incompetent. That I wouldn't be able to solve the maze on a cereal box," Ernest looked at her. "I had no idea that the drawings on the back of cereal were actually mazes. But what makes it worse is that the new chief is hunkier than me." 

Hunkier than Ernest Wayson? Who did the mayor hire, Chris Evans? Alicia made a note to stop by the police station and meet the new chief. 

Another thought hit her, one that she gave voice to, "how did the mayor replace you so fast? I literally just saw you a couple of hours ago." 

Ernest shook his head, "she's been waiting and itching for a reason to let go of me," he sighed. "And arresting Hudson Griffin, the butler, without evidence was apparently a bad move. I mean, you said that he definitely did it, and you always solve the crimes around here."

His words knocked the breath out of her. "I got you fired? Ernest, I am so sorry." 

"So am I. The new chief thinks that you're the killer. He said that you blamed the butler to deflect your own guilt." 

Her eyes widened, "I'm the main suspect in Karen Anoso's murder? What is happening?"

***

The door to the police station blew open and Alicia rushed in. Officers who would have normally greeted her with affection kept their gazes on whatever screen they had in front of them. It was not something that she was accustomed to, nor did she like it. 

When she got to the chief's office, she flung the door open without bothering to knock. Before her stood a shirtless man, who had the body of a Greek God and the voice of Sean Connery. "May I help you?" 

"I am Alicia Bobby and you think that I'm a murderer," she snapped at him. "So, you can sit there half naked, but we are going to get a few things straight."

He extended his hand to her, "I am Chief Damien Fox. And yes, you are a suspect in the murder of Karen Alonso, in fact, I would say that you are the prime suspect because you threw out an accusation that made no sense." 

Alicia stared at him in disbelief, both because of his words and the lust that was boiling inside of her. After taking a deep breath, "I did not throw any accusations around. When Chief Wayson heard me, I was talking to the writer. He overheard and ran with it." 

Damien looked at her and pulled a shirt over his head, "and where was this friend? I was told that you were by yourself." 

"The writer isn't someone you see, they write the story that we're in." 

"Ah huh," Damien nodded his head, disbelief filled his voice. "So you were talking to an invisible friend that you call 'the writer,' anything else that I need to know?" 

Before she could answer, the mayor, Elanor Collins, walked in, "why aren't you naked?" Her eyes grew wide when she saw Alicia, "what are you doing here? Why isn't she behind bars?"

***

Alicia stepped out of the police station, thoughts spinning through her head. Elanor was sleeping with the new police chief, who thought that she killed Karen. It was like a bad game of Mad Libs. "OK, Writer, what is going on? Why am I the prime suspect of this murder? I'm the detective, not a criminal."

"You thought you knew best," the voice boomed. Alicia looked around and noticed that nobody was around. "Damien Fox was supposed to be your love interest, well one of your love interests, but you wouldn't go for him, right?" She sucked in a deep breath and silently swore, then wondered if the writer could hear her curse in her mind. The answer came quickly, "I can, and some of those words cannot be published." 

"Writer? Cher, can I call you Cher? I'm going to," Alicia said. "If Damien Fox was one of my love interests, why is he sleeping with Elanor? And who was the other one?" 

"You knew better, remember? And I am not Cher. Please do not call me by her name," the voice said. "The other love interest is Ernest Wayson. Though, maybe I should give him another partner too." 

"Talking to your writer friend again?" Damien asked, walking out of the police station. He zipped up his pants and looked at her. "Maybe they can lead you to find the real killer before I have to arrest you for it." 

She stared at him in disbelief. How had life spiraled so far out of control? And how could she find a way to solve the murder without any clues?

***

After Damien got into his car, Alicia turned on her heels and went back into the police station. She was determined to confront Elanor about replacing Ernest and then pinning the murder of Karen on her. 

When she got to the office, Elanor was on the phone. Finally, she ended the call and sighed, "Alicia, I thought you were gone," the mayor thrust her phone into her purse. "What is it? I don't have time to deal with you."

"Maybe I should go to talk to Mr. Collins," Alicia snapped. Without realizing it, she switched techniques but hoped it would work. "I am sure he would be interested to know that you have such a personal relationship with Chief Fox."

The mayor's eyes bulged from her head. She pushed her hair back and studied the other woman. "I could have you arrested for blackmailing me."

Alicia shrugged her shoulders, "I never blackmailed you. Just said that I would talk to your husband about Chief Fox and how close the two of you are."

Elanor reeled back and pointed to the exit, as she fumbled in her purse before finally pulling out a small gun. "March. If you say anything, I will pull the trigger and end you."

As she walked through the station again, Alicia tried to calm the mounting sense of doom that was rising within her. From the corner of her eyes, she swore that she saw Ernest, but was too afraid to say anything. 

Once they were outside, the mayor jabbed her gun into Alicia's back. "You don't have to do this. I can just ask The Writer, who Karen's killer is, and everything will be all good."

"I already know who killed Karen, and I need you to keep your mouth shut about it. Get in the car and zip it, or I will shoot you."

***

Once they arrived at the cliff that was conveniently in town, Elanor pulled the car to a stop. She turned to Alicia, "well get out of the car, I have to kill you now."

Alicia looked all around the car, hoping to find something to stop the mayor from murdering her. A piece of blue plastic caught her eye and she reached down to pick it up. It was a credit card with the name Ernest Anoso on it. "Oh my goodness, you weren't having an affair with Damien Fox..."

"What? Of course, I wasn't having an affair with Damien, you twit. What kind of detective are you? This is why I would never sign off on you joining the force. Ernst wanted me to, said we could keep an eye on you. I'm pretty sure that he just wanted to be under you," Elanor said, waving her gun. The moonlight hit it a few times in the right spot. "The good thing about him is if it moves, he wants to have sex with it. That's how I hooked him and Karen up. They were set to be married, and the money was going to keep flowing my way." 

"You killed Karen to get her money? That's a boring resolution."

Elanor shook her head. "You really aren't very good at this, are you? Let me be clear, I am not having sex with Damien and I did not murder Karen. Get it together."

This was about the time in the story when The Writer sent in some deus ex machina to resolve the situation. Maybe they would be merciful and do it again. 

Elanor lifted her gun and pointed it at Alicia, "say goodbye, fool." 

Before she pulled the trigger, Damien Fox yelled; "Don't do it, mom!" 

Alicia turned in the direction of his voice and thought, that's one helluva save on The Writer's part.

***

"Mom?" Alicia asked as she looked at the men running up to where they were standing. "So, you aren't his lover? But you asked why he wasn't naked."

Elanor looked at Damien and Ernest. When she spoke, there was laughter in her voice. "I expected Ernest to be in there. I also asked why he was there and why you weren't in jail."

"Let's knock her out and be done. She can't prove that Damien killed Karen," Ernest said, then looked at the others. "She knew that, right? I mean, Alicia is so good at figuring things out." 

Damien and Elanor shook their heads, then she spoke. "It's a great thing that you look incredible naked because you don't have the sense that the government gives a penny." 

"Wait a minute," Alicia said, trying to get the conversation back to Elanor and Damien being related. She pointed at the current police chief, "he's your son," and then pointed at the other man, "and he's your lover. But also Damien's lover?"

"My sweet election, I think she's finally caught on," Elanor said. "Yes, Damien and I have both known Ernest biblically and in what some might consider unnatural ways. But my son is in love with him, so I backed off." 

The two men exchanged a look that suggested the love was mutual. Alicia struggled to comprehend all the new information that was coming her way. "Can you...." something hit her on the back of the head and darkness began to surround her. 

Before the blackness took over, she heard Damien say; "I had to. She's a threat." 

***

When she came to, Alicia realized that she was in a dirt pit and her hair was matted to her head. She took a deep breath and let out a sigh of relief when she realized that she could move. Why did they leave her in the middle of nowhere?

"Still think you know better than me?" The Writer asked from above. Alicia struggled to her feet and looked upward. "Now would be the time for you to admit that I know you better, and we can get back to the business of the story." 

"I know that Damien killed Karen and that once I take that to the cops, the story is over. And I solved it." 

"No, no, you didn't. It was revealed to you, but you have no evidence. And you've already wrongfully accused someone. Not to mention that you don't have a motive. "

Alicia stomped her feet. "Why can't this just be easy?"

"I'll give you a clue, you need to gather evidence," The Writer said, pity in their voice. "We're about half done with the story now." 

Alicia went to ask about how she was supposed to do that, when she was whisked away in a torrent of wind. It placed her on the edge of town, right near where Karen Anoso lived. 

***

"Well, if it isn't the woman who accused me of killing my boss and lover," Hudson Griffin greeted Alicia through a half opened door. "If you could see yourself off this property, that would be amazing." 

"You have every reason to hate me," Alicia started, she took a deep breath and continued, "but we both want justice served for Karen. I know who the real killer is, now I just need to gather the evidence to prove it." 

"You didn't bother with evidence when you accused me," Hudson pointed out. Still, he opened the door more. "For the sake of argument, who do you think killed my Karen?"

"Damien Fox," Alicia answered. Hudson didn't react, he just stared at her. "The new police chief, hunk of a man. He was supposed to be my love interest, but The Writer is wrathful." 

Hudson seemed to regain his composure. He crooked his finger and invited her in, "follow me," as they walked through the house, "Damien is Ernest Wayson's new beau. It makes sense that he would kill her, given that Karen was set to marry Ernest and leave him everything." 

They stopped and Hudson opened a door, it was an office. He rummaged through one of the drawers in the desk that sat in front of the window. He handed her a thick packet of paper. Alicia asked, "what is this?" 

"Karen's will. She left everything to Ernest Anoso, he was in the process of taking her last name. They weren't married but planned on it." 

"Did she care that he was sleeping with Damien? Or did he care that she was sleeping with you?" 

"No," Hudson said, then took a deep breath. "But Karen and Ernest cared that I didn't tell them everything I knew about Damien." Alicia shook her head, willing away the vision that was creeping in.  

***

With the will in hand, Alicia made her way to city hall. While the evidence she had was compelling, she was positive that it pointed more at Ernest being the killer rather than his lover. There had to be something that tied him to the murder and brought the case to an end. 

Video. The thought came to her from out of nowhere. Alicia pulled out her cell phone and called Hudson, "hey. Is there any video of Karen's murder?"

"No, why would anyone want that?" Hudson asked, then recognized the answer to his question. "Damien Fox is a professional. There's no way that he would get caught doing something like this." 

His words caught her off guard. Alicia decided to head to the library instead of city hall. Once she settled into a booth with a computer, she searched for Damien Fox. 

The first results stunned her. He was an international assassin, he got his start in the business from his mob boss father; Hudson Griffin. 

"And now you know my dark secret," Damien whispered behind her. "I knew you were trouble, but I had no idea that you were going to go to such lengths to make sure that I was convicted. Now, what am I going to do with you?" 

"You're going to be quiet in my library," the librarian admonished, her eyes narrowed. "Or get out of here." 

***

Damien Fox's arrest came with great media coverage, most of it dedicated to the librarian. She'd heard their conversation and called the FBI before confronting him ahead of time. Alicia knew it was a great deus ex machina that saved her. 

"Thank you, Writer," she said to the sky. "I know that you played a hand in wrapping up this story for me. And admittedly saving my hide on more than one occasion."

"Are you ready to admit that I know you better?" The Writer asked. "Because this was not fun. All of those twists were not meant to happen and threw all of my world building off." 

Alicia thought for a second. "I still believe that I know myself better than you do, and you should listen to me. After all, I did solve the murder of Karen Anoso."

A strong gust of wind swept through the area, she surmised that it was The Writer sighing. "That's not what happened at all. You were told and gathered like three pieces of evidence." 

"Three pieces of evidence that you didn't have before."

The wind blew again. "I'm glad this story is over, maybe my next character will appreciate me more." 

"I have a feeling that you'll be back to write more adventures for me. After all, I am a great creation."

"You thought I was Cher." 

Alicia grinned, "and you thought that the butler killed Karen, but it made more sense for the killer to be an assassin who did it for the money. Though, the butler being a mafia boss trying to get her money was something I didn't see coming." 

The Writer laughed, "of course you didn't."