Pushed to Kill.

Joe was a loner. Happy in his own company and always keeping himself to himself. I guess years of teasing and bullying, not just from the popular boys in school but girls too caused Joe to think maybe if he were invisible, he wouldn’t be a target. He was wrong!

Unfortunately for Joe he was not very aware of his surroundings, so he would never notice the smoothie coming towards his head until it was too late or dog poo on the ground until of course it was too late. Aww man. Not again. Why can’t people control their dogs? You could say he was in a world of his own.

There was a bright, friendly, and approachable aura that seemed to emanate from Joe; he always had such a wide, infectious smile that showed off his dimples on each cheek. Even if it were a difficult day, he would be smiling. Being just below average height at around 5’’7 of skinny build with the smooth baby-faced look of a prepubescent child just starting High School. Having such a studious attitude, always the first to hand in an assignment or spend most of his break times in the library. You could say he was a nerd, which unfortunately for Joe made him a magnet for bullies. Especially Dean Morris.

With that thick dirty blonde medium length hair and kind dark green eyes, you might think that Joe would be popular with the girls. Well having a crackly high-pitched voice which gets higher (like he has been kicked in the nuts) if he talks to a girl he likes, there are two words that haunt him “just friends.”

He would often think to himself, Argh! Girls are so damn complicated.

Personal hygiene was of major importance to Joe. Every time he walked past you or sat next to him you could smell the sweet scent of his CK aftershave and lingering odour of his Lynx deodorant spray. He always carried a small bottle of antibacterial gel with him everywhere he went. Again, this didn’t help his cause with the bullies who would pretend to cough on him or lick his pens and give them back to him. If you looked up the word ‘germophobe’ in the dictionary you would see a picture of Joe. It was guaranteed that whenever it was a cooking lesson, Joe would be mumbling to himself – Urgh! Yet again, they haven't wiped the tables properly.

At the age of Sixteen, Joe was about to start College to study computer science but the thought of being away from Ryan his one loyal friend was starting to dawn on him and bring on the anxiety attacks again. He will never forget his first day in High School when he had an episode in the middle of the hall in front of his new classmates.

The room was starting to close in on him. His feet felt glued to the floor, beads of sweat rolling down his face as he became breathless. Trying to scream but nothing would come out. Dropping to his hands and knees, the room started spinning around and around at a ferocious speed. The veins on his head becoming prominent and throbbing as if about to explode. Gripping his blonde, thick, greasy hair slapping his temples to stop the splitting pain. Grinding his teeth and arching his body collapsed flat out on the sticky, stained floor.

The finger pointing and laughing was the worst for Joe as he just hated being the centre of attention.

As Joe was of such a nervous disposition, always shaking his leg when he sits down and picking the hard skin on the corners of his fingertips, he liked routine so he could prepare himself for the day. He was very organised and had five copies of his school timetable. But the negatives of having an anxiety disorder outweighed the positives for Joe, with poor self-esteem and low confidence. So, the thought of starting college, as daunting as it seemed, was the hope that he would meet like-minded individuals and make more friends with the knowledge that he could still speak to Ryan every day and come back home every weekend. This was out of his comfort zone but to be accepted at such a prestigious college was an opportunity he couldn’t miss. It would play on his mind a lot.

At least Dean won’t be at my college.

There was Ryan who was pretty much his only friend. They would see each other almost every day and had a strong brotherly bond, always there for each other, same sense of humour and had lots in common with one another. Going to the cinema was a big thing as they were both movie buffs, loved music, especially Pop music and would often chill at each other's houses listening to the new Maroon 5 album or watching Netflix.

Ryan was more confident, self-aware and assertive, (sticks up for himself) so he wasn’t an easy target like Joe. Standing tall at nearly six foot and of a bulky build this made the bullies think twice about picking on him. Although as Joe would say “Ryan wouldn’t hurt a fly.” With long, thin, brown hair, brown eyes and a faded birthmark on his left cheek which became more prominent when he smiled or laughed, and thick rimmed glasses didn’t help him with the girls either. But quite often, Ryan would think to himself, perhaps it would be better if I were gay and liked guys instead?

People would think Ryan was lazy because he was so easy going and chilled. There was no rushing him, which always annoyed the P.E teacher. His clumsiness was what got him noticed the most though. Like the time, Ryan had his tray of food in the canteen, tripped on a mashed chip and threw his curry all over a group of girls sat at a table. They all screamed and started throwing food at him. The canteen turned into a zoo, there was pizza, chips, all sorts of food flying left, right and centre.

Dean catches Joe’s eye and yells. “Hey Fucknuts!”

Dean was a complicated boy. He had the looks, with his skin fade haircut, shaped eyebrows, muscular arms and at 5”10 there was an ominous presence about him. A big scar above his upper lip was always a talking point. The girls would swoon over him, even though he would belittle them and was very chauvinistic. He loved to intimidate and pick on Joe. He would even deliberately take a diversion away from where he was supposed to be going in school to bump into him. Not that Dean cared about being late for his lesson. Although if it was gym class, he would be the first there.

Ah shit! Here we go again - thought Joe.

Joe reluctantly plays along. “Ha-ha, good one Dean.”

Trying to antagonise Joe, Dean asks, “Where’s your boyfriend Ryan?”

Rolling his eyes, Joe replies. “He’s not in today, cos he’s ill. And he’s not my boyfriend!”

“Aww, how is poor, little Joe gonna manage without his boyfriend Ryan?”

Every single day, it’s always me. Why can’t he just fuck off and bother someone else for once?

With a deep sigh, Joe responds, “ah get lost Dean.”

Sensing he was starting to push his buttons, Dean continued and pulled up a chair next to Joe in the canteen.

“I thought I'd better keep you company today as your boyfriend isn’t in.”

I swear he’s going to make me do something I regret one day!

In a stern tone of voice, Joe says. “Look, thank you for caring about me but I'd really appreciate it if you would let me sit here on my own ok.”

Moving the chair closer to him, Dean puts an arm around Joe’s shoulders and calls his gang of dopey mates over to join them at the table.

“Look guys, we are gonna see what vegetarian fucknuts is gonna eat for lunch today.”

Dean grabs Joe’s bag, takes out his food container and starts picking up his lunch, piece by piece.

“Hey look boys, carrot sticks.”

Taking a bite, Dean spits it back out right into Joe’s face.

Wiping away the wet, mangled carrot from his face, Joe attempts to get up from his chair, but one of Dean’s sidekicks moves right up to him with his chair to sandwich Joe right between them.

He feels his anxiety starting to rise.

Just keep calm Joe, deep breaths. They will soon get bored.

Dean continues. “Hmm, up next we have some baby tomatoes.” He turns to face Joe and Joe flinches. “Just to warn you, I don’t like tomatoes... But I guess I'll give them a try.”

The gang burst out laughing.

Munching away on a tomato, Dean pretends to gag as if to be sick, turns to face Joe and blasts the chewed up, soggy tomato right back into Joe’s face. It starts dripping down his school jumper.

Dean tuts and sarcastically says. “Fucking hell Joe, you’re such a messy eater. You know you should be wearing a bib when you eat.”

The gang were wildly roaring with laughter now.

“Now I need something to wash that down with.”

Dean picks up Joe’s drink.

“Ooaa, sparkling water with a hint of Strawberry.”

He starts unscrewing the bottle cap.

Joe starts thinking of an escape - I have got to get out of here. Just be quick, grab my bag and forcibly push my way out.

Dean pours a large amount of drink down his mouth. As he turns towards Joe, he slides his chair back and Dean spits the drink into the face of his sidekick. soaking him.

Yes! This is my chance. Thought Joe.

Joe rips his arms away from them and runs.

They stare at each other in disbelief at what has just happened. Dean gets up and starts to run after Joe, shouting behind.

“Sorry bro.”

As Joe is running, he glances behind to see Dean gaining on him, turns back and smashes into a girl, landing on top of her with his hands on her breasts. Realising what he’d done and where his hands were, Joe’s face turns as red as the tomato stains on his jumper. Feeling stupid Joe nervously says, “Uh... I... I’m so sorry.”

Then back to reality, he realises Dean has caught up with him.

Oh shit! Does he ever give up? What is it with me? Joe wonders to himself.

In a sinister tone, Dean says, “Come and sit back down with us Joe, we haven’t finished lunch yet.”

Dean put his arm around him, and they walked back to the table.

The canteen was only supervised by the lunch staff. Joe knew if he was to get out of this situation, he would have to do it himself.

Dean shoved Joe back into his chair.

Shaking his head, Dean yelled to his mate. “Hey fatty, get your arse back over here!”

Cheekily, Joe answers back, “I can see who wears the trousers in this relationship.”

Deans slaps him across the head and replies, “’EY shut the fuck up!”

Jamie, his sidekick was buying himself three trays of chips with mountains of salt, dripping with vinegar and a covering of tomato sauce.

With a threatening tone, Dean said. “Don’t even think about trying to do something like that again. Or I will have no choice but to hurt you so bad, the best plastic surgeon in the world won’t be able to fix you.”

Dean puts his hand in his inside jacket pocket, brings out a flick knife and pushes the blade against Joe’s leg, applying just enough pressure not to pierce the trousers and break the skin.

“Just so you know I am not joking. I swear down you will regret it if you fuck with me again. I have wiped a lot of blood off this knife, and if you’re not careful, it will be your blood next. Nobody makes me look like an idiot. You get me fucknuts?”

Joe gulped and just nodded his head.

Dean was very clever and knew where every camera in the school was, which is how he has got away with so much over the years. He is a dangerous person, very unpredictable which makes people wary of him and he knows it. It’s almost like he gets off on it. He has the characteristics of a psychopath.

Rummaging through Joe’s lunch, Dean picks up cheese sticks and opens a small plastic container of sweet chili humous. He piles the humous on the cheese stick and the bell rings for the end of lunch time.

“You’re a lucky boy fucknuts. I have gym class now so we gotta leave it there. “

As Dean gets up from his chair, he spreads the Humous covered cheese stick all over Joe’s face, ruffles his hair and walks off without saying anything. His gang follow behind him giggling and fist bumping each other as hard as they can.

For a while Joe just sat there, staring into space, trying to take in and understand what had just happened.

Shaking and breathing heavily, joe says to himself, I swear to God he is going to regret this one day!

Walking towards the toilets, everything made Joe jump or flinch. A door slamming, students pushing past him. Even just footsteps behind him had Joe more on edge than usual.

Looking in the mirror at his tomato, carrot and humous covered face mixed with tear streaks, Joe thought to himself.

I can’t take this anymore. Every day if he’s not humiliating me or pushing me about and intimidating me, he’s physically abusing me.... The school have let me down so now I need my own form of protection.... I need a knife.

Joe skipped his English lesson and went back home. He knew his mum would be in work, so nobody would be home. Searching through cutlery drawers in the kitchen, he looked for a knife.

Hmm, I need a knife I can easily hide in my coat pocket.

Then, underneath some steak knives was a serrated blade. About the same length as the flick knife, Dean had threatened him with.

That should be easy enough to hide.

Back in his bedroom, Joe got a pair of old socks and wrapped them round the blade and put it in his coat pocket. He practiced pulling the wrapped socks off the knife and pretended to threaten somebody in the bathroom mirror.

Using his imagination and experience of Dean’s bullying, Joe was starting to get carried away.

Yeah. Yeah... Fuck you! I will cut you to pieces. I have had enough of your constant torment.

It was Ryan’s first day back after having a stomach bug. He would always meet Joe at the corner shop and walk to school together. After trying three times to phone him, Ryan waited a little longer hoping Joe would turn up, but it was getting late now. Ryan was never late for school.

Confused. Ryan thought. That’s weird. Joe would always let me know if he wasn’t coming to school.

Joe woke up for school earlier than usual at 6,30 and without the usual edgy nervousness but a more determined, confident attitude. He made sure the knife was wrapped and tucked in his coat pocket and left. But he forgot his mobile phone.

Psyching himself up, Joe says to himself. I finish this today!

As he approached the school, Joe could see Dean’s gang stood around the bike shelter with Dean leaning against the wall. They were being boisterous, shouting derogatory things and wolf whistling girls. Joe knew Dean was always the last to leave so he waited around the corner.

Joe tried to calm himself. Come on Joe, deep breaths. This will soon be over.

Walking towards the school, Ryan remembered he had left his bike lock at the bike shelter, so he walked over to get it. As he got closer, he saw Joe peering round the corner. He thought about calling his name but decided he would sneak up on him instead.

Giggling to himself Ryan thought. I love scaring Joe. It’s so easy.

Sliding the wrapping off the blade, Joe’s heart started racing, he started to shake with not fear but anger. With his hand gripped on the handle of the knife in his pocket, Joe stepped out from around the corner. There was Dean, stood with his back facing him, smoking a cigarette.

Oh, I've got you now!

Joe started slowly and stealthily approaching Dean. Just as he pulled out the knife to attack, Dean turned around.

“Whoa! What... What the fuck fucknuts?!!” Dean’s eyes were filled with the look of fear.

Joe pounced towards him with the knife in his hand and Dean grabbed hold of his arm, but the rage and adrenaline gave Joe the strength to overpower Dean and they both fell. As they hit the ground, the impact of the fall and Joe’s determination forced the knife straight through Dean’s chest. Dean started coughing up blood.

Ryan walked round the corner and saw Joe and Dean on the floor.

Confused, Ryan thought, Joe? What the hell?

He ran over to them and tried pulling Joe off Dean. Just as Ryan grabbed and pulled a hysterical Joe away, he turned around and pushed the knife into his stomach. Looking down at his bloodied hand holding the knife halfway through Ryan’s stomach, Joe realised what he had done to his best friend. He dropped to his knees and cried.

Ryan lay on the ground, bleeding out profusely, choking on blood, his pupils started to dilate. Pushing down on the open gaping wound, pumping out blood, Joe started shouting - “HELP! HELP! PLEASE, SOMEBODY HELP!”

Teachers cleared the area of curious students and waited for the Police and Paramedics to arrive. It was too late for Ryan, he bled out in minutes as the knife hit the abdominal aorta artery. The emergency services tried to resuscitate Dean but as they pressed down on his chest, more blood would spray out from the wound. Dean was also pronounced dead at the scene.

On the edge of a panic attack, Joe kept pointing to the body bag of Dean and hysterically repeating - “It was him! He made me do it... Him! He threatened me with a knife... Dean Morris. He has a knife. He has a knife!”

The Police handcuffed Joe and put him in the back of the car. He sat there rocking back and forth, with a dazed, expressionless look on his face.

There was no weapon found on Dean, just the knife that Joe used laying in a pool of blood.

Joe knew that Dean was a clever, sneaky person but he didn’t know Dean would pass around the flick knife from each person in his gang. Dean knew the school were on to him, so he always planned to be one step ahead of them.

Joe had everything going for him. He was an extremely high performing student with such a bright future ahead of him. People can only take so much. Unfortunately, the anger building inside of Joe became too much to contain.

The court judge agreed to reduce the offence from murder to voluntary manslaughter with diminished responsibility, so Joe was sentenced to a mental hospital and custody for a minimum of fifteen years.

Everybody has a breaking point and if you are pushed to that limit, who knows what you are capable of. Nobody knows what goes on in peoples’ minds. Even Ryan who knew about the constant bullying, didn’t realise the effect it was having on Joe’s mental health.