Engulfed with fear, now death is so near. My heart is pounding, while my mind is racing. Losing focus from dehydration my eyes roll back as I lose concentration.
I am here for you as an emotional crutch. I am here for you as a listener. I am here for you as a shoulder to cry on.
The past year has been such a difficult, life changing time for people all over the world. Every day we hear of how many deaths there has been from Coronavirus and restrictions getting tighter or a family business you have known for years has gone into liquidation. There is no surprise so many people are feeling anxious or depressed. I understand how it feels and I fight my inner demons everyday with the inner strength and belief I eventually found when I needed it most. Throughout this very challenging time of the pandemic, I have had time to think and reflect on my life experience, good and bad. Watching the news and seeing elderly people on their own feeling lonely and struggling to get their essential shopping, I decided to help in any way I can. There is a lady who lives opposite me called Ethel aged Ninety-Seven, registered blind and living on her own. Every week I drop off some milk, bread or whatever is needed and while keeping my distance; wearing a face mask, I have a chat with her. It is amazing how up to date she is with current affairs, has a brilliant sense of humour and not old fashioned as you might expect with a lady of Ninety-Seven. I admit I stereotyped her at first and feel ashamed of myself for doing so. When I turn up for our chat every week and drop off her shopping, you can just see her face light up. It is almost like a big weight has been visibly taken off her shoulders and she can stop worrying and relax. Ethel is always ever so grateful for what I do, calling me a 'saint' and trying to force money onto me, which I never accept, we end up jokingly arguing about it and end up laughing like drunken fools. I look forward to seeing Ethel every week and make sure she has my phone number to chat whenever she wants. I always phone to check with her if she needs anything else as she won't say because she feels like a burden and every time, I tell her 'don't be silly'. I have a friendship for life with Ethel and will always be there for her. It just proves that what you might originally think of somebody who seems tough and unapproachable is a friendly person who needs support or just some company. For me it is so rewarding to see the smile on peoples' faces and the positive change you are making by helping them. I have elderly Grandparents aged Eighty-Nine and Ninety-Two who I also get shopping for and safely visit them for a chat. My Granddad has become more confused recently with places closed and changes to his routine of walking to the Bookies every morning or his club in the evenings. My Grandmother always says that my Granddad seems more upbeat and chatty when I am there, so this makes my Grandmother happy too. They both still live together in a Bungalow, so she notices more often how confused he is getting. I make sure I see them as much as possible if it is safe to do so with how vulnerable they are. But they are also lucky that they have each other's company and family to support them. While there are lonely, elderly people struggling to get through each day with very little support or no help at all. Even a smile can go a long way to making somebody feel better or starting a conversation. I think something positive has come out of this pandemic as people are starting to notice their vulnerable neighbours or those in need and are helping each other a lot more. Therefore, once we have got through this, I think there will be a bigger community spirit to work together for a better future.
As time goes by, the more I struggle, feeling like I'm in a melancholy bubble. Irrational thoughts flood my mind, forcing my teeth to grind. Putting up a façade to hide my true feelings within. I hope and pray I could just hide away. Dreaming of a time this pain I feel will eventually heal. Staying strong as I go along, I hold on to positivity and face up to reality.
When I asked you out and you said yes, all I felt was happiness. I got lost in your aura so bright and welcoming, innocent eyes so mesmerising.