You Laugh, You Die

I saw an advertisement of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson posted on a social media website. He returned to a store he used to steal from as a teenager. The Rock took it upon himself to pay back his debt and make good on his mistake. So he purchased all the remaining chocolate bars. I heard someone walked in and yelled "who bought all the f%#%$ Snickers bars". The Rock made sure everybody would know what it's like to go without a chocolate bar.

You are what you eat! One Easter lent I went vegetarian for 39 days. Eating all vegetables, no meat. Walking past a farm this cow sort of turns his head and rolls its eyes at me. A week later after a big beef steak and burger snack. I'm walking up to the corner store to purchase some beef jerky, a cow sort of nods his head in a what's up body language kind of way, and begins walking alongside the fence.

Sometimes I talk to my food as I'm cooking it. I'll say things like no one will ever know you existed, having a moment with my chicken fetus (egg) paused in time, no I don't eat the yolk anymore, never fancied a hen's reproductive sample. I just prefer to honestly know I don't eat hen "things". I've converted my diet to egg whites only.

How about the ministers of Finance? Doctorate in Finance, Major Economic study Diploma. Controls the currency supply printed into circulation. Still runs a deficit.

Where's Will Smith when he is really, really, REALLY, needed?

So it turns out there was a diagnosis which was a mistake. After 10 years of on and off forceful confinement, injection needles that stung like knife cuts. Realization of diagnosis was corrected to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Heard the Doctors' were backhanded slapped back to pre-school.

Do you wonder if your work is worthwhile. Conquistador explorers from previous thousands of Centuries. Answer Daily Double: Google, Apple Maps. "My Great Great Grandpappy discovered these lands you know" "Oh, Really?"

Ever see someone with a big gap in their teeth, smile and wonder if they charge for automobile parking?

So I've been told: "get a job". None of that camera flip, turn off, then on, angle tricks. Stand in actor, punch square, smack dab, right between the middle of the eyes. Sylvester's Still Stoned. "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky".

If you don't hear from me, high percentage chance I've developed suspected self-induced mental illness from laughing at fictional spatial memories like:

During Pangea, until the creatures needed a place for their self-induced orgasm results release). The "Marvelous" Ocean. A.K.A The Accumulation of Creature Semen since the beginning of time. How "Marvelous" ?

Use to be all fresh water.

All-Star MVP Athlete goes 0-30 in goal attempts. During the post-game interview discusses how many Zombie Pixies' were slaughtered, claims to have saved all the fans. What is the actual F$%&$ point of sports anyway? LSD.

Didn't your mother ever tell you to wash behind your knees to cancel out the dirt stains. Oh, rigghht it's a tan. Sure, sure I believe you.

Dear Priest Baptist: " I will find you, and when I do, I will kill you". (Liam Neeson - Taken)

Carbon Dioxide from pollution is destroying the planet. Politicians: "The billions in tax revenue, "We've decided E=MC2, road reconstruction" Here, Here, celebration ensues inside the chamber. WHEEEELL!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I get angry out of nowhere, everyone's like how are you?

Pi to the power of f off is how I am, wait did I say that out loud.

If I went all the way multicellular organism, I'd actually even vote to deport myself back to deep space.

"Okay, I'm about to take the photo kids". Dead Plants and animals, everyone say "FEED". "But first let me take a selfie".

What's up with the old television show Price is right? Hardly anyone ever gets the exact price. The price is in fact wrong. One Dollar? "No, everyone was over" it was actually 99 cents plus tax." Even if you were right, we're not giving it to you anyway until you pay the tax, HAHAHA!

We're all going to die.

Don't forget, I expect delivery of one full dead deer if any smile even begins to form on your face.