Without My Dad

Without my dad, I wouldn’t have learned to ride a bike. Without my dad, I wouldn’t have learned to fly a kite and fix it when it gets tangled from the rushing winds. Without my dad, I would not have the skill or desire to search out the truth. Without my dad, I would not be the writer I am today. Without my dad, I would not have this love for sci-fi and fantasy such as Star Wars, Dune, Children of the Dune, and Star Trek; the list goes on! I owe my skill as a writer of fantasy and fiction to my dad. I can remember my siblings and I would beg my dad to make seasoned stove-top popcorn so we can all watch Dune at midnight until we passed out. Memories.

What you don’t know is that learning to ride a bike and fly a kite was like military drills. All the joy and fondness that was meant to be incorporated into to teaching your child these fun foundational things were filled with tears and fear. Fear that falling off the bike would make my dad even madder. Fear that not being able to get the kite up off the ground to soar in the wind on a beautiful summer day would piss him off. Yeah, he bought the Barbie kite and pink bike with all the bells and whistles, but what good are aesthetics without warmth and joy that a child should experience. The reason my siblings and I used to beg my dad to watch a sci-fi movie with us and cook popcorn, was so that we could spend time with him. He didn’t like being bothered with us, so we chose things we knew he loved and made them into something we loved too.

Some kids grew up not knowing their fathers, or they were deadbeats. Others would tell me that I should be grateful that my parents were married and that we all lived in the same home. If only you knew what it was like in those four walls. I’ve seen and heard things no child should; things that were done to my siblings, mother, and myself by dear ol’ dad. Once, he had the city cut the water supply in the house because he was mad at our mom. I guess he forgot he had children in the house. Or like when guests came over, he would put his arm around us, pat us on the head and talk about us in such a loving way. But when our guest was gone it was back to normal. Back to him telling us we wouldn’t amount to anything. Back to verbal and physical abuse you see in movies or read about. Despite it all, my siblings and I became successful individuals. We all grew to still love our father despite the hurt and painful memories.

It is true that my siblings and I would not be who we are today if it had not been for our dad. With time we forgave. With time our father apologized. With time we are able to build what was never there…relationship; however minute that relationship is. I am grateful for my dad! This is not to bash my father, this is a call to all of those who grew up as I did or worse, that it's better to forgive.

Don’t let the ignorance and the evils your father have done towards or around you stop you from growing and being a much bigger and more evolved person. I chose to hate for a very long time. Hatred eats away at you until there is nothing left. Choose the path to freedom. Forgive and love even if that means your moving upward towards freedom without your dad joining you in that effort. Don’t do it for them, do it for you. Forgive, love, move forward.